Hey you lot, Been a while again haven't I? LOL My bad!
Well i'll cut straight to it and say its now been a year since me and Lady J made love, And Since then we havent been intimate with eachother in any way.
For those who know us both, Ive backed off, Ive tried speaking, Ive suggested a weekend away, etc etc etc.
Ive now got to the point where Ive given up completely on a sexual relationship. If I do bring it up she gets annoyed with me so I drop it...
I still love her as much as ever and would never dream of going elsewhere, But she's lost ALL interest, Even kissing and cuddling is a struggle to get anything from.
If she catches me masterbating she makes me feel guilty, So yeh, Pretty Awesome eh?
Im completely out of ideas so if any of you have any???
Thanks Shelly, She is starting Councelling soon but I dont know if she will speak about it.
She doesnt see it as a problem and just keeps saying she cant help it because of her health etc.
I do understand she struggles, But its like sex is a taboo subject in our relationship and I feel like we're trapped in this viscious circle thats going to eventually eat away at us.
Well, obviously it would be better if you did counselling together. But hopefully counselling will bring things up for her and she might start to be more forthcoming with you. It sounds really hard, I hope things get better for you :)
Seduced - I know how you feel. It has been 6 years for me now!
I think a lot depends on how old you both are. My name gives away my position, and it's because of age that I decided to put up with it. But if you are less than 40 I would suggest that you need to have a serious think about your relationship. From what I have seen through the years once a woman has totally lost all interest in sex she rarely changes. (I know this is a generalisation - not all women are the same). You may have many years ahead of you, and to be in a completely sexless relationship will eat away at you as you have predicted. This will cause the relationship to start failing on other levels, regardless of how hard to try to convince yourself that "sex isn't everythng in a relationship", because sex is not just sex - it's an indication of love, so before you know where you are you will be hating each other and breaking up will be a hard and acrimonious affair.
Don't get me wrong, I know nothing about you and your partner, and I am not suggesting that you should just give up on the relationship and split up. Just think about how many years you have left until you are likely to loose interest in sex as well, and how you see that fitting into your plans for the future.
Have you considered an open relationship? No cheating, but honest non monogamy? I just finished reading Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, and I was surprised at how many primary couples no longer had sexual relationships with each other but saw other people.
I know I thought and felt the same but alas things havent improved :(
I'll never leave her as I love her so much and I know she feels the same, But Im hoping I can sort out some kind of councelling for us. I just wish she could see that I find her sexy as hell even if her skin and her health are playing her up.
I do understand that with all her issues its going to be hard to feel the slightest bit sexy or sexual, And Im probably being quite selfish, But Im a person that needs physical affection and touch in a relationship as well as the emotional stuff. Lack of a physical relationship is paying its toll on me if Im honest.
Its a catch 22, If I bring it up it causes friction between us both, But If I leave it, Im scared it will do more damage than good!
Shelly, Although what you say does make sense and in some cases I could see it being advantageous, For me and LJ it would be a big no no as one, Ive been through to much with partners ( Including Lady J ) being unfaithful over the years that the thought of the woman i love being with another man makes me go all "Cave Man" & not in a good way.
As for Lady J an 'open relationship' would be all the nails in our relationship coffin in one big sweep.
Well still no change and I just got a bollocking for wearing her panties because "Its Wrong!"
Not getting anywhere and I feel like Im not being heard or listened to, Its almost like she wont admit to herself that this is a problem and its not going to go away!
At the same time Im starting to feel depressed for the last couple of days... The last time I felt properly depressed was many many years ago, Ive had it under control for soooo long and now its rearing its ugly head. This is really worrying me and stressing me out.
Ive started snapping at everyone but cant tell them why when I apologize. She tells me to snap out of it!! Im not eating much ( this could be a good thing mind lol ) and every time I tink of quiting smoking, I just feel too stressed to do it ( yes i started again after a year of not smoking )
I know I have some very non vanilla tastes which is quite hard for J to get her head around, But damn it Ild settle for just vanilla sex once a week at this rate.
I love her so very much but this is sending me round the bend!!!
good to see you back and sorry to hear of your troubles, cant be easy, she is lucky you stick by her, the advice everyone else has given is what i would say , hope you sort it out
We made love on Sunday morning after a year and two months, And it was awesome!
J was drunk however & it was after a lot of stuff came out about her past that I had no idea about for nearly 11 years.
All this time Ive been into preferences and suggesting things that would normally be ok by us here at the OA, But under the circumstannces have been scaring the living shit out of her!
Ok maybe she should have spoken to me about these things way before now as I believe after 11 years of a good relationship maybe I shoulda known by now, Anyway, Its neither here nor there.
Progress is being made, Thats all that matters.
And we may be moving at long last! So once we have our own room and more privacy well. Do the maths lol...
I'm so glad things are looking up seduced and I'm hoping it won't be another year until the next time. I won't ask details, I know better, but its probably still a good idea to go to the counselling.
Hiya Sed welcome back. Glad that things are getting a little better and all the advice sounds good you have some great friends on here that will be with you all the way. I was going to suggest talking to her closest friend or family member to seeif the can shed any light on things for you. She may have been more open about how she's feeling with someone else. I do hope things improve. Mrs average.