About to be penniless, depression and anxiety are sinking me

I’m about to lose whatever small income I have and become penniless by the end of May. I’m only prescribed 3 pills of benzos per month for PMDD, and my psychiatrist is flexible about how I take it (could be 2 pills one day, 1 pill the next day in a month, or 1 pill x 3 days, etc). But because they’re so careful with this dispensing of this med, I sometimes do not take it because I have this deep fear I might run out of meds when I really need it.

I am covered under a benefits scheme with the hospital (where the psychiatrist works) that will end in May and so my consults and meds are free till then. The medical social worker has said it is unlikely they will renew it from June, so I won’t have access to any doctors or meds unless I pay. And with the upcoming loss of income, I won’t be able to afford it anyway.

After I was recently notified about my loss of income, I sank into depression and have been having anxiety attacks almost nightly, so I wised up and took one benzo per night for 3 nights. I did not take any yesterday and as a result, could not sleep. I’m exhausted.

I do not wish to take SSRIs or the like because I have a hormonal condition (treated with meds - out of pocket) that makes it impossible for me to lose weight so I am very careful about my weight. And even though I look like I’m of normal weight, it’s not my natural weight, so I feel very off. If I put on any weight again, I know that will sink me fast, deeper into depression.

I have been applying to jobs for years (senior positions in my industry, entry level jobs in other industries) without luck except for that one dodgy offer I wrote about in another post. I desperately need a job but I can’t do any frontline work due to said anxiety, migraines, and a nerve disorder that prevents me from being on my feet for too long.

I don’t know what to do.

Hi @duchessofnowhere. Sorry to hear what you’re going through. That sounds awful. Can I ask where you live? I assume, from your mention of paying for meds, that you are not in the UK?

It’s a hard one, wish I could suggest something.
Fingers crossed for you

Sorry to hear what you are going through, it must be truly daunting on top of everything else you are dealing with.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through and wish I could offer some help, but sending hugs and support.

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No I am not in the UK or US

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That explains the different system to what I’m used to in the UK. In general terms, i’d really push them to renew the scheme you’re currently in and if they can’t, get them to point you in the direction of another organisation that could help. Obviously, we are very fortunate in the uk to have the NHS, although, for mental health, getting anything through the NHS is an uphill struggle. If I can’t get the support that I need or need some advice, i have previously been in touch with a mental healthy charity called Mind - do you have any similar charities where you are who could give you some advice?

In terms of getting a job, get some advice and support on CV writing and job application writing. Sometimes there is just one small thing that they are looking for that you’re missing because you didn’t think to include it. Sometimes big companies use a computerised /AI system to shortlist applications which is a really awful way to do it but they could be looking for a particular word or phrase that, if you’ve missed, would mean you’re application isn’t eaven read. I recently had a period of unemployment and decided to look carefully at smaller places that other people might not think of looking for - local businesses and charities that don’t advertise nationally and have less applications. Think about places that you like going to, causes that you are passionate about and whether there might be jobs in those places / fields that you could apply for. Could you do some private work such as driving, tutoring, childcare, gardening, craft stuff to earn a bit of money to keep you going?

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I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through @duchessofnowhere :disappointed:

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Keep moving forward, this will pass. I hope you find something else too.
After years of horrendousness, multiple different drugs, hospitalisation and suicide attempts my friend with PMDD had a life changing full hysterectomy. She feels human again for the first time since puberty…

From the sounds of it you’d be eligible to be put on a low income support allowance or benefit for unable to work along with having a NHS medical certificate thingy what allows you to have your meds for free still…

Difficult to offer much concrete advice given I don’t know you or what country you are in.

However my experience is that whilst people are more isolated than they used to be your local community will have options out that will support you. Be that someone to talk to, a food bank, advice on financial support, job finding.

Depression is an awful thing to suffer from and it is easy me to say it can/will get better but it does in my personal and professional experience.

Reaching out here is a great step but you need to reach out locally. The tunnel you are in is dark and long but there is a light at the end of it and as you walk along it you will see people there with torches to help you for a few steps or just shine a light in the right direction.

Try and focus on small moments of positivity as well as trying to fix the big things

I’m not in the UK. We don’t have anything similar here, unfortunately. I have a friend who’s English and she is actually even able to live off benefits there. I wish we had something like that.

Ahh darn I’m sorry to hear this and hope your able to maybe find something your entitled to help with cost of living and stuff through your government schemes :face_with_peeking_eye:

Hey @duchessofnowhere so sorry to hear things aren’t going well for you. I know how things must be so daunting for you regarding finding work etc but I’m sure there is a suitable job just around the corner for you :crossed_fingers:
Someone once said to me when I was at my absolute lowest “if you’re at the bottom then there’s only one way you can go from there, and that’s up!” I didn’t take it in really at the time but I do believe it rings true!

Try to stay positive and things will work out just the way they’re supposed to :ok_hand: