Accomodating differences in interests

I was looking through the few toys I had and realised I had some anal toys that hadn’t received much love.

My OH and I picked them out to give them a try but she didn’t enjoy it being used on her but I enjoyed it being used in me and would love to explore more.

My question is: What advice do you have to encourage or integrate more anal exploration for me into our play?

For some further background
She doesn’t mind if I use them on myself and is happy to insert toys if I specifically ask but it isn’t something she initiates. I’ve mentioned I like it and she is free to do that and that I would enjoy it.

I would like to do this more and be more adventurous. I haven’t approached having a scheduled adventurous play session but think that could be something to try.

I would love to buy something like a strapless strap-on for her to peg me with to try it but I don’t know that she would be into that.


That’a tough one. I have never been in that situation but it it makes me think maybe a conversation about it is in order. Have an honest discussion with her let her know it is a fantasy of yours. Also, it might help to see if there are any fantasies she has that she hasn’t felt comfortable talking about. . Making it a conversation about each other’s fantasies might make the conversation more comfortable and make her more receptive. Like I said, haven’t been in your situation, but I think it might make the conversation easier. Good luck!!


Who usually initiates and directs bedroom activities?

Mrs Sen is quite happy to do whatever is asked, but rarely takes initiative from the get go. When I am picking which toy I want to use on her, I sometimes will just bring out a toy I want her to use on me and we take turns pleasuring each other, but if I don’t bring the toy out, its rare that she will grab something.

The best way though is to talk about it, outside the bedroom. You say she doesn’t mind using them on you, it could be something as simple as having a toy at the ready, so she doesn’t have to think about it.


I know we’ve had that discussion before but it might be good to go through it like you suggested, could be easier. Might use some browsing/shopping to find some ideas too, I know she isn’t super expressive in that fashion.

There are a fair few items in my wishlist which would be a good point of conversation no doubt.

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I’d say it is pretty even but it’s only really me that initiates the use of toys etc.

I like the idea of pulling out the toy I want used or picking one each and sharing the love, I think that could work for sure.

That sounds like a great idea and I know she’d tell me if there is something she wouldn’t use but doesn’t hurt to talk about it. It’s sometimes easy to overlook the basics. I know we’ve discussed it before but keeping it fresh helps.

@StarKitty79 @Senator
Based on what you said I was also thinking that maybe scheduling a dedicated toy time or adventure session might be an avenue to explore or even a his/her pleasure night to make it a regular thing so it doesn’t seem so foreign.

Have either of you done something like that? Would that work in your situations?

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@Pleasure.Seeker - That could work, ease her into the idea. It would probably work in your situation.
Wouldn’t work in my current situation, but I am thinking some variation of that might be fun with my partner. My current sex partner is adventurous and wants to try new things, but not so much when it comes to male toys. I suggested a vibrating cockring with a clit stimulator, for both our pleasure and he was pretty resistant to the idea, lol. He does like my bullet and is excited about the rabbit I ordered though. :joy:

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@StarKitty79 - We discussed the idea and she was open to tying things and doing something I enjoy and then something she’d like which works for me because trying to get her input on what she’d like outside of the usual is hard.

Having said that I shared with her my LH Wishlist in my account and she wasn’t a fan of some of it. Definite no to the strap on style toys, she didn’t have much to say about the analysis toys for me. She did say she’d much rather have separate toys, his and hers which is fine but not sure how she envisions that play going.

It’s a tricky topic I suppose. Her personality type is far more reserved and anxious so spontaneity and adventure aren’t her thing.

That’s a shame your partner isn’t into that, the cock ring sounds like a bit of fun for all involved. Hopefully he will come to his senses.

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All I hear is ‘you, you , you’
Your OH seems pretty accommodating and you can’t force someone to like something they’re just not keen on. If your lady does something to please you that she is not really into , it seems like a great deal you are getting


That’s very fair, I don’t want to force her at all. She isn’t super vocal about that stuff and we’ve been together a number of years, I want to encourage both of our interests at the end of the day in whatever way works best.

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Mate, we have gone through similar stuff with the misses being ok with doing things because she is nice, but often won’t enjoy doing it. We try things out a few times, but if it is a no win for one of us, it will just be an uphill battle. As stated you can’t make people like things. Just do the things to your self that you like and if she wants to be involved it is up to her.


Good to know. I think that might be the way to go. Good to get other opinions.

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One way I added some spontaneity into a play session was with an iPhone app called “tiny decisions”. Its a spin the wheel app where you can create your own wheels. I have a his and a hers wheel where we put various activities and directions on, then spin the wheel and go from there. I have things like “breast massage 2 minutes” or “20 lashes with the flogger on ass”, that sort of thing. Get her to create a wish list, then you can create yours, both agree on whats there and then have fun.

If there are items that are a hard no (by the sounds of it, strap ons), then leave them off the table completely. Once she becomes accustomed to branching out, it may be worth revisiting at a later date, but I wouldn’t push it.

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I’ll have to check that out for sure, great way to customise and gamify that decision making process.