Hi, just recently discovered that my husband also is a natural submissive. We've been together for nearly 11 years and have only just started talking about sex whilst we're not doing it. How I've never realised it before I don't know as normaly we find it really difficult to come to any sort of decision whatsoever about everyday things, like whether to have chinese or indian takeaways!
I guess I just assumed he liked to take control of things because he just did it, and in the past I've had quite a low sex drive, so he almost always used to be the instigator. Now so far we've mainly been having vanilla, and I've been telling him what I want to try, he's said that he's willing to try anything once - which is good. Last week I told him I think he's also a natural submissive like me, he agreed and told me he wouldn't mind being tied up and blindfolded. Sounds great right?
So my problem is this, how do I let him be the sub and still get what I want? I'd like to try being dominant, but what if I don't get kicks from it? Is there any way, apart from taking turns to be the sub, that I can be a dom and a sub at the same time, sort of like a double spy?
Both me and my partner like to be dominated, although I think I am the more submissive one out of both of us. We do take turns and it actually works out quite well.
One thing that helps me dominate, as more of a submissive person was the idea of 'getting back' at my partner after he has dominated and teased me. I also found although I can dominate it does have some serious limits, I was initially reluctant to try, but I found my 'niche' Kind of an innocent I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because it's just too funny, and you deserve it kind of thing
Good luck! Hope you can figure something good out with the hubby, and hope you have fun!
I am the naturally more submissive one in our relationship and my partner loves being in charge, but every now and then I do get a kick out of being in charge and he just lets me do it simply for my pleasure :) I think the trick is to take turns!
One thing that helps me dominate, as more of a submissive person was the idea of 'getting back' at my partner after he has dominated and teased me.
Oooh... thanks for that! My wife isn't particularly into Dom/sub play, so I don't tend to suggest that to her, but you've just reminded me that she turns into a very effective Dom during "revenge play", after I've playfully pushed her limits (e.g. by tickling her too much).
Hi, thanks for your advice! Revenge play sounds like fun, I definitely need to restrain his hands as I'm breastfeeding and he loves to milk me when I'm on top, which sometimes I don't mind but other times their so sensitive it's a real turn off. It will give me a chance to get my own back, so to speak, knowing that he can't touch them at all :)
One thing that helps me dominate, as more of a submissive person was the idea of 'getting back' at my partner after he has dominated and teased me.
Oooh... thanks for that! My wife isn't particularly into Dom/sub play, so I don't tend to suggest that to her, but you've just reminded me that she turns into a very effective Dom during "revenge play", after I've playfully pushed her limits (e.g. by tickling her too much).
Glad to have helped!
choclover wrote:
Hi, thanks for your advice! Revenge play sounds like fun, I definitely need to restrain his hands as I'm breastfeeding and he loves to milk me when I'm on top, which sometimes I don't mind but other times their so sensitive it's a real turn off. It will give me a chance to get my own back, so to speak, knowing that he can't touch them at all :)
Little off topic, but nice to see another breastfeeding mum around here :)
Another approach you might want to try is to adopt a mind set whereby you think of dominating him as an act of service or submission.
For example, you're only tying him up to please him, you're only spanking him becase it's what he really, really wants.... but you're not getting anything out of it and therefore you're doing this entirely for his pleasure and enjoyment - an act of true submission.
Meanwhile he's non the wiser and enjoying you being all fierce and dominant :)
Thanks for all the great advice! Had a great session last night, I pinned his arms down and I've never seen him so hungry for me! Definitely need to start getting some proper kit so I can use my hands for other things.
Yes, taking turns is good idea. I have a lover currently and he is the more dominant usually and I submit, but we do take turns and I actually really like how much it turns him on to be under my control, spanked and just mine. And I also found that if i turn him on like that and if i feel like I want to submit at that moment, he just really dominates me immediately, because he is so turned on. Maybe try something like this?
