Advice needed

So, I'm in a long distance realtionship, my partner lives in Canada working and travels back and fourth to the UK every two months or so. He'll be away in Canada for two months, and then back here for a few weeks before he goes back.

Now, because he is away for large amounts of time our sex life when he isn't here primarily consists of Skype video calls to keep the realtionship a little steamy (Also because I may kill someone if I don't get any), My OH doesn't have as high of a sex drive as I do. We seem to have encountered a problem in regards to him cumming when being touched unless it's by himself, he will get all the way to the point where he is going to cum and then seems to psych himself out at the last hurdle, I'm able to make him cum on occasions it's just highly frustrating for us both that this won't be everytime we have sex as I feel he gives me awesome multiples all the time and it's hit and miss as to if he'll cum or not. I've started telling him to touch himself and he can watch me so that he gets the release.

I was just wondering if there was any advice on helping him with this problem, I've googled it, and the advice we seen that he wasn't to touch himself when not with me so that his body really wants the release when he is? It just seems an awfully long time (Ususally two months) for him not to touch himself, since I'd be homicidle after a day! lol.

ive had this problem once or twice. For me it was with my first GF, so i think nerves played a bit part. There is always the option of going without touching himself while he is away, but like you said. Thats a long time to go without.

For me i found foreplay made a big difference. The more we played round and the more excited she got me during foreplay, the easier it was for me to cum when we actually had sex. For example you could make him use your toys on yourself, or make him watch while you use them. You could even tease him with maybe just a qucik lick or two of his shaft/head. Eaither way, just get him as worked up as you can without actually letting him touch himself. That way when you finally do have sex, he should be positivly ready to explode.

Another option is that you could tell him he is not to use his hand while he is away. However instead get him something like this to use:

or if you got the cash:

using something like this should take away his dependancy on using his hand. Then when he does see you, he should be more use to the felling. Trust me, these things do actually feel quite realistic. Also much more enjoyable than using your hand.

hope this helps

Thanks for the advice gentleman UK.

We already do the foreplay and he uses my toys on me all the time. It's not just when we're having sex, he can feel he's about to cum and then he just doesn't. Even when I'm rubbing him or giving him a BJ, The occasional time he will orgasam, but that's like 1 out of 10 times. He gets so close to it and can feel himself about to and then he just loses it? It's then like starting from square one again working upto it and he looses it.

We were thinking that maybe it's because that he's away longer than he's here that he's so used to touching himself.

He did say maybe he should look at a fleshlight, and we even looked at some together last night, but then he got weirded out by the thought of it lol! Maybe he'll come around to the idea.

good luck. I know the flesh lights look a bit daunting haha. I really want to try one. Ive only ever tried:

I was very unsure at first and didnt really want to spend alot as i was 99%sure it wouldnt suit me. Well how wrong i turned out to be! I love it. Really does feel amazing and gives me far better orgasms that just using my hand. I would definatly spend some more on my next one and go for one that looks a bit more realistic and a bit larger. The one i got has a very small opening and requires quite a lot of lube. I do however love the funzone range as the actual physical size is alot less that a fleshlight. This would defintatly make it easier to travel with.

It is actually quite amazing how realistic they feel. I know curse at myself for even hesitating when i first ordered it. Really dont think you can go wrong, you just have to be willing to give it a try.

I think what I'll do is I'll just send him one to his address in Canada and see how it goes from there lol! But he did look a bit terrified when he seen them!

Since the ejaculation problem isn't an issue with sexual attraction or anything! So it has to be something to do with his time 'alone' or him psyching himself out.

FrozenAngel wrote:

I think what I'll do is I'll just send him one to his address in Canada and see how it goes from there lol! But he did look a bit terrified when he seen them!

Since the ejaculation problem isn't an issue with sexual attraction or anything! So it has to be something to do with his time 'alone' or him psyching himself out.

haha why not :)

And yeah as its an issues with "him psyching himself out" Hopefully he will become less relient on the use of his hand and will gradually get use to the felling of something else. Problem is us guys really do get releint on our hands over the years haha,

Good luck :)


Yes I've noticed, but I guess it's the same with us toy using ladies! We get a little reliant on them too.

I would try to take it very slowly and take one or two of his senses away. Blindfold and Headphones in that order. You could also try securing his hands loosely out of reach to see if that helps.

Even if it doesn't work you may discover an additional like :-)

Thanks for that Chunky, I asked him if he'd consider that but he said he's not the type, I like the blindfolds and handcuffs ect, I'll always try again with him and see how he reacts.

Thanks again :D

I feel for you FrozenAngel. It can be tough if one person wants to solve a situation and the other (for whatever reason) doesn't / can't bring themselves to!

It does sound more like you need to sort his openness out before developing strategies.

Good Luck............You have to keep communicating with him x

Thanks Chunky!!

He's very good when it comes to trying out new things with me/on me. But when it comes to him I think he gets a little bit shy! Although I did get him a cock ring for him to give that a whirl, I expected a little drama and didn't get it.

I rebrought up the topic of a flesh light last night and provided him with the link that gentleman gave me, as it doesn't look as 'scary' as the others he said he will give it a try and is going to order it shortly! He's a bit sceptical as to how it will work but said he is willing to try anything!.


My partner and I had this same problem when we first started dating... to set the scene, we'd been best friends for years and years and I'd just got out of a rather messy break up with one of his friends! (so yeah, a stressful situation)
He couldn't cum for a couple of months after we started getting intimate. To make matters worse he was a virgin at the time and was getting really fustrated that he couldn't cum which only made it worse. I could tell he was fustrated and that would tense me up so we'd never get to to really enjoy ourselves... In the end it was only after we stopped putting so much pressure on ourselves (and after my ex started leaving us alone) that he was able to cumand once he'd done it once it really took the pressure off.

Perhaps you and your OH are just putting too much pressure on yourselves, do you notice you tense up when he can't come because that might make it worse. My only advice is to try not to get stressed out and just let it come naturally or the other thing that helped us is to get him to get himself to the point of cumming and then insert himself into you... once he's cum once it should happen more easily next time. x