Really sorry to hear about all your suffering @philxhx, I wish you all the best mate 
@philxhx - big cwtches 
youāve had so much great advice already, but I didnāt want to read-and-run.
Also wanted to stress that as youāve found, you can be a better Daddy when you are happy, and coparenting. Good luck 
Wow @MuffinRabbit that was beautifully written thanks for taking the time to do that for me i was on my bate when it came through so sat in my work van and just took the time to sit and read through it so great things to focus on . But i think now due to all the amazing people on love honey that have took the time to give me advice i think im starting to see where im wanting to go need to focus on myself and be there for my amaing kids and step children if the ever want to chat i will alway love her as she gave me something amazing that all the money in the world could buy our special little boy love him to bits.
Im sorry to here you also suffer with depression ptsd it used to do my head when people say give your head a wobble ,i bet all the people that suffer with mental illness wish it was as easy as that .
It made me smile with the capital letter as we use to say if a text was in capitalās you where shouting 
which helped me as i have permanent ringing in my ears with live fireing and djing in the clubs and my right ear is worse that the other due to a explosion going off about 6ft off me on a live firing exercise in canada so thanks for shouting i could her you loud and clear well once again thanks for your lovely post big hugs to you all
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Hi buddy thanks for your post @AJSTAR your posts alway make me smile or giggle you seem like such a great guy and i really appreciate you taking the time to give me some advice im truly humbled buy yours and everyones kindness means so much .sorry to you are on the meds as well mate my head was like a bag of smashed crabs 
after the cold Turkey i looked into the herbal tablets that could help me and i have to say i felt great on them but 2yrs on ive even weened myself of them and feeling good about it it .i hope in time we all can get on with our lives with out the meds
I just want to thank all you amazing ,kind , caring people for taking the time to give me some fantastic advice im truly humbled @Mrs.John , @Craig1234 , @WelshDragonette , @CurvyJilly , @GoGirl12 , @SteelA1 , @Rhilee , @Daisy1982 , @WillC , @steve19 , @Latex73 , @MuffinRabbit , @AJSTAR , @Knight1119
I think i need to know what i need to be to be doing and what to be focused on .
So from the bottom of my heart i send you all big hugs 
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@philxhx Its very simple focus on you and the kids the rest will fall into place on its own ! Hate to say but there are plenty of fish in the sea ā¦ yes thatās where i met the OH ! keep smiling one foot in front of the other !
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A bag of smashed crabs sounds exactly how Iād pictured it! I remember when I first went on the meds and the doctor said things might get worse while they go into the system and hellā¦ I was literally at point of wanting to smash my head into a wall for a good week or so then like a switch had flicked off I felt nothing at all inside 
Iām glad to hear you found use in the herbal tablet remedies and even more delighted knowing you weened off those too. Goes to show what a strong and inspiring person you are having come through so much. Most proud of you 
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Thank you buddy its is tuff 20 years on anti depressants things ive seen friends in forces lost i still get the odd flash backs @AJSTAR mate in the forces at hard times losing someone but we had each other but when you come into civi street its a different sence of humour ive been out for 20 years now and i still miss it you miss the buzz i was wanting to go over to the Ukraine just to help its what im good at .i have a ok job at the moment but in the forces its a different sence of humour it has to be bud.
But you seem a good egg just talikng to you, you need to stay strong and find something that keeps you mental state in a good place i love the gym it releases all them dolphins or what ever it is calleld i also have the decks set up in the living room i think music is a good healer .in time you will find that good place ,ive found since been off the meds for 2 years and ive focused on things that makes me feel good and now im there i dont want to look back .you look like you keep yourself in shape AJ buddy .i would recommend the gym a good work out new people in there its good for the old mind body and soul .but if you ever need a chat im here for you buddy
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Defo no surprises youād still be getting some odd flashbacks as no matter what pills or therapy you have itās something that will stay with you. Shows you have a very caring side, Guess being in the forces itās a whole other world and support system and when out of it your having to relearn a new way of living again.
Haha gym releases all the grrr inside and boosts the happy 
Very true! Music can heal the soul if choose the right tunes, itās magical stuff.
Bless ya thank you thatās really kind to say and most appreciated 
I do keep thinking about the gym but have no buddies to go with or the motivation for it so for now I just do my workouts in my bedroom and focus on my job 
Things have a way of sorting themselves out, just hard to see it I suppose for a lot of reasons! I have faith youāll make the right decision for you and the family mate! Good luck, Iām sure itāll all work out for the best 
And just wanted to add I know a lot of people who have served and they have also said similar, that itās just a job! I can perhaps see and understand why you would say that but I honestly think itās much more than that and you and anyone else who has served has my upmost respect
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