Hi, This may be a long one!
After a few years of non sexual relationship mainly due to family grief myself and my husband have come together again (April)
He had his vasectomy last year and I have continually asked him if he’d done the sample test once the pot had been delivered. Every time I asked he’d say no.
I got extremely emotional one evening after repeatedly asking him (desperate to come off contraceptive pill) and he told me that he still hadn’t done the test but had been watching online porn.
Jump to the present day (have been extremely upset)
I did tell him that I’d repeatedly asked him and it was up to him to either have solo or initiate sex with me to do the sample.
So we need help,
He has gone a long time with porn and used to the feeling of not just his hand but visual stimulation to climax. He has always watched porn throughout single and married life. I didn’t realise how much though.
He now cannot always climax with me naturally ,he has performed a sexual act on me and has manually climaxed simultaneously. We didn’t have this issue before the break though he would at times cum extremely quick.
I suggested that he no longer uses manual stimulation but to see if he can cum naturally with me through sex.
It’s worked and he has climaxed with me BUT has admitted it’s not the same feeling as in tightness (hand) and maybe change positions?
He has wondered about the vasectomy and the thought of not cumming may be a connection?
He does climax through online porn.
I’ve asked him to stay away from being online and to concentrate on our sexual relationship. He tells me often he has not gone online nor thought of it.
Do we maybe watch something together for different ideas? Would this ruin our work so far?
I have done some online searching and the main idea is with age we do change.
The most important part of all this is communication.
The lack of it, he has admitted he doesn’t like talking about it BUT we have to be open and discuss things. He hasn’t liked talking about his porn watching but he is becoming more and more open with me .
Second test sample has been sent off as first sample was still positive.
He gets extremely frustrated and his work is hard at times so I do think it may be stress or tiredness, I always am supportive when he cannot climax and am thinking there may be other ways- not relying on just having sex.
Do we consider a sex therapist?
Advice or suggestions are very welcome.x
I think communication is the key, you could watch porn together it could lead to help his situation out…
Or failing to climax you could always use your / his hand to finish him off after a loving session
It sounds like you’re doing great and making progress. I feel like continuing to open the conversation about porn would be good. Maybe he could just send you some links of things he likes? It sounds to me like the porn is the main issue… (sounds like an addiction & possibly withdrawal symptoms?) So it seems like maybe addressing that is in everyone’s interest.
You could get him to teach you how to do a hand job the way he likes it. But there is a phenomenon called death grip where people become accustomed to masturbating too tightly and then struggle to cum any other way. Its come up in the forum before and you can readjust back to a looser grip (sorry, cant remember what the advise was. Might have been to try edging. Might have been to cut back on how often you masturbate so your more sensitive and masturbate with a looser grip. Give the forum a search, its in there)
He’s already suggested something that he’s already seen but doesn’t want to see me as one of the women online.
I’ve gone online to see what he does and I’ve already suggested things.
It literally is communication- I can’t mind read unfortunately 
Thank You for the great suggestion.
Thank You- great idea with the handjob and fab info. Will look it up.x
I agree totally on the sample result 
Have done many of your suggestions,bought butt plugs as he saw them online and I was up for something different.
Have a wand vibrator and am liking your idea.
We’ll have sex both am and pm and there’s no really difference.
Thank You for your advice,appreciate it 
Sorry I don’t have any advice to add @BishBosh but just wanted to say I hope things work out for you both, you seem really understanding and supportive and not willing to give up when others would x
Very welcome. Hope it helps.
Theres a massive psychological element to all this too. I know i cant come if my head isn’t in the right place. So everyones suggestion of talking and reassurance is a good one.
Trying some other things may be a good idea, like mutual masturbation (You do him while he does you. You watch each other etc).
Hope you both find something that works.
When I was younger I struggled with normal penetrative sex.
It was so different to my trusty right hand… 
It took me 3 partners to be able to orgasm through regular PIV.
Abstinence on his side and perseverance should eventually solve the issue?
You really have helped.
Never entered my mind about the Death Grip and it does makes sense. Found other threads on here as you suggested and will show him when he wakes up from shift work.x
Thank You! I know we can work it out,just didn’t expect it.
Thank You for the support.x