Advise please - OH only orgasms one way/position

Hi all, been reading for a while but first time posting!

So me and hubby have been together for almost 9 years, but only recently have been branching out with our sex lives. Before kids we were fairly active, but fairly vanilla as just happy to be together. We then had 2 kids, and after births I was quite sore, lots of stitches etc so didn’t enjoy sex much, when we ever got the chance. So for 5 years or more, sex was only quick and quiet, every now and then.

Skip to this year, we have decided not to have any more, so I came off the pill and hubby is going to get the snip once it is allowed again and are just using condoms until them (operations have been stopped in our area due to covid). As soon as I came off the pill, my sex drive has come back with a vengeance, and we have been having LOTS of fun, being more experimental then ever.

But, we have noticed that hubby can only actually cum if he is in one specific position, or if he finishes himself. The other night I was working on him for well over an hour to no avail, then as soon as I let him up, we went into the tried and tested position and he finished. It actually upset me, so we have sat down and had a heart to heart about it, so now we are looking for recommendations on how to re-sensitise him so he can actually orgasm in other ways?

We don’t remember him being like this before so guessing it may have stemmed from the years of quick positions when we had the kids, or from him relying on self relief? Could it possibly be down to using condoms too?

Posted with his blessing and hoping for some help!

Thanks all - Dragonette

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There are condoms that stimulate (via a gel).

We only used one once because while I found it very intense and came quickly OH didn’t enjoy the stimulation at all.

Also if he can come in that one position then for the time being you can always finish off that way after both having fun in other positions? Take the pressure off and see if things change.

Perhaps if things don’t change then a chat with the doctor in a bit?

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Hello and welcome @WelshDragonette :slightly_smiling_face:

If you grip quite tightly when masturbating then that can make you become more reliant on that firmness to ejaculate (and any vagina is going to struggle to grip as tight as a hand :slightly_smiling_face:). You can ‘reset’ yourself by abstaining from any firm grip type stimulation for a few months.

If you can work out what it is about the position you use that works you may be able to find a few variations in the Positions of the Week topic? It’s searchable too, so you can put some keywords in the Search and tick ‘search this topic’, and it should give you a few results just from that topic. :+1:

Kegel exercises can help with vaginal strength. I’d be surprised if this was the problem here, but doing a few of those may help with your confidence?

It’s a bit of a rambling reply, but I hope you find something that works. :slightly_smiling_face::+1:

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Another approach that might get your OH past this thing (if the idea appeals to you both) is to get into edging/orgasm denial/chastity play. The logic is obvious: hubby is banned from ever reaching orgasm without your permission (this includes a ban on solo play/masturbation!); he gets teased to the brink again and again until he’s half out of his mind with wanting it. This goes on for days or weeks. Meanwhile he has to give you all the orgasms you can take. Eventually, he’ll be cumming regardless of position, at your command, and oh boy will he be grateful! :grin:

If that doesn’t appeal, could I suggest another thought: that maybe it doesn’t actually matter that he can only orgasm in one way. Maybe that’s just his thing and you both need to relax about it and stop seeing it as a problem. It’s a great deal preferable to premature ejaculation! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hello! Firstly, please don’t let it upset you. Im sure its not personal. Our sexual preferences change as we grow as people. My husband generally only cums in certain positions, but we have a lot of fun before we get to that.
A couple of spring to mind ideas…
Maybe ask him to abstain from masturbation for a little while and see if that helps.
Possibly introduce toys into the bedroom. Maybe a cock ring to start and see if that helps?
Edging as mentioned above may be worth a go. You don’t have to do it over weeks if that doesn’t appeal. You could do it during fun time alone. Let him start off in the preferred position and then change to more foreplay or a different position, and then back to the preferred way and stop when he’s nearly there and change it around again… you see where I’m going with this. Once you’re ready to call it a day try other positions and see if the denial has done the job. If not go back to what works.
Find what’s best for you both. As long as you both get the outcome that’s desired I wouldnt stress how it happens x

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Thank you for suggestions! I will read them with hubby once kids are asleep :heart:

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Not great it’s making you feel frustrated. If that hour spent was good for him I am very jealous. I would love to last an hour with constant attention.

I cannot really suggest much but don’t let it get you down. Enjoy it in what ever way works for you. That’s all that matters.

Watching porn suitable for couples is good for getting things exciting. That may lead to a climax.

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@WelshDragonette big cwtches my fellow Welsh Mama.
My Husband had the snip just over a year ago, best thing we ever did for our sex life.
Regards the struggling to finish it could be a mixture of things, condoms, subconscious fear of pregnancy etc. We had similar after we stopped with condoms. Without getting too personal I get very wet which reduces friction for him and I was sad and felt sex wasn’t good for him (he was always reassuring me).
We found some positions helped as well as me working on my pelvic floor. Biggest thing however was to stop stressing about it.
If it happens now I just enjoy a long session and finish him off in other ways.

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Hi @WelshDragonette not much to add as others have covered. Enjoy your love making in all the positions you want before going to position that gets him off sounds great and at least he ain’t finishing before your satisfied

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I found myself in a similar situation a couple of years back. I could only come when taking my wife in doggy fashion and sometimes even that didn’t work and I had to finish with doggy anal. Even masturbation didn’t work for me. My wife would stress over whether I would come or not and if it took too long she would get sore internally.
Just over a year ago we changed our relationship totally to a female led male chastity relationship and this has totally solved the problem. She decides if and when I am allowed an orgasm so she stimulates me and edges me constantly but doesn’t let me come. We have PIV sex but she decides whether or not I can come and she allows me to orgasm so rarely (every 3 - 4 weeks) that when she does give me permission I can come easily in any position and with any type of stimulation The orgasms are unbelievable too.
The stress is completely gone. She can stop the PIV sex once she’s come as much as she wants and doesn’t have to worry about my orgasms at all. For my part I love the role reversal. She keeps me constantly on edge and I subvert my own frustration into making her come as often as she will allow.

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Thanks again, all!

We sat and read through these together last night. We know it isn’t the end of the world, and much preferable to him cumming too early or not at all, but now we have both noticed it we feel it needs addressing incase it is like the elephant in the room or comes between us over time. I know I shouldn’t feel upset by it, but with mental health as it is I know it will get to me, and he wants me to be happy and comfortable.

We are both very interested in edging, so will definitely be looking into that, especially as it has helped with others! I’m naturally quite domme anyway so would fit right in, and he likes the idea of pleasuring me and not being allowed to cum.

He’s also going to stop masterbating for now (admittedly he doesn’t do it as much since my swx drive came back) as he has quite a death grip which I can’t replicate as always frightened I will hurt him, and I can’t do vaginally or orally anyway!

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Quick update - 3 days of edging were very much enjoyed, he’s got more sensitive as well as us having lots of fun.

Last night I told him he could come, and he was so sensitive, 69 for a while, with me being really gentle with fingers and licking and after about 5 mins he couldn’t take anymore! A stark contrast to a week ago! Very happy couple here! Thanks all for help :heart:

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Just found your post and just wondered how are things now?
Going through the same - just posted on forum.
Any advice would be great :+1:

Things are pretty much the same. If we have a few days with no contact, or a few days edging him he’s more sensitive and can come in different ways and quicker, but otherwise he will just keep lasting unless he’s in certain positions!

It’s better than him finishing too quick, but half an hour later I get sore :sweat_smile:

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Personally I think it’s a good as ur not premature ejaculating and can go until OH is satisfied and or hopefully not too sore. Then switch position and finish off. For me there’s nothing worse than finishing too early and the look of disappointment in my wife’s face, hasn’t happened too often but has happened

I personally cannot come in every position.

Spooning and most sideways positions have never done it for me. Her on top? Unless I grab her by the hips/waist and drive in hard, not a chance.
I’ve never come from oral either?

I can enjoy it a hell of a lot, but I find it difficult to come if I’m not on top driving hard in my lovely wife.

Likewise, she has her favorite positions.
We don’t find it a problem in our situation.

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