Allowed affair


In one of those places you sometimes end up as a couple.

My husband and I have sort of agreed that I can have an affair in the meet someone for sex regularly sense rather than fall in love with someone else because things are not working at home. It is a sort of open relationship thing but just me and whilst he isn't so much in to the kinky sharing thing he probably does like my slightly errr naughty side. Lots of chats about how, who, when and so on.

And now I have met the appropriate person and things are progressing nicely.

So, the question is, how to people who have tried this sort out the logistics. Times, dates, diaries, etc etc etc etc.

It is almost easier if it was all secret and hush hush, if that makes sense.



I see trouble ahead?


All discussed and agreed. Plenty of people swing, have open relationships, and so on. This isn't that different.

I couldn’t do it personally but think you should try if it’s something you’re up for and has been discussed and agreed. I’d say your marriage takes precedence. So as long as you’re both happy why not. If you’re husband knows and you have full disclosure would you not just arrange your ‘date’ as you would with your husband?

"Because things arent working at home"? In what way? As you say many couples swing / share etc but it sounds like this is being used as a solution to some kind of relationship problem. Not judging, just interested.

Oh, I mean I am not doing this because things are not working at home, everything is perfect honestly. I am doing it because we have had a few chats over the years about swapping and swinging and not really fancied the idea but he mentioned he might like this and I think it could be lovely.

You say this has all been totally discussed and agreed with your husband but in my opinion if you asking about sorting out the 'logistics' then it hasn't been discussed enough. You should have established if your husband wants to know when something is arranged, have boundaries in place for what, where and how often etc so really it should surely be as simply as arranging a mutually convenient time with the other person and depending on what has been discussed either involving your husband in this (e.g. letting him know, or co-ordinate when he is going to be out). If you are talking about not telling the other person what type of arrangement they are part of this would not be fair and non-consensual. I think the concern is that you have got as far as choosing someone but are saying sort of agreed and that your husband isn't into sharing but that is exactly what he would be doing. It just sounds from what you have said hear like you have a lot more discussing to do.

Ok. Re read and understand what you mean. If this is what you both want then go for it. Im guessing ground rules will be important. Sounds like it could be fun for all.


I agree.

We are chatting about the logistics and sort of get stuck at whether we should have a shared google calender just for this or what!

The other guy knows the arrangement and has in fact met my husband.

yeah i can see trouble ahead he propally got tired of talking about it. I know from frist hand experince because my wife i have now her exhubsand wanted a threesome so she did with another woman then she told him she wanted another guy thats where i came in. him and my ex did their thing me and her got toghther those 2 went seprate ways it wasnt good because they had a young child which i raised and lover her a and my gran daughter a whole yo might want to think things over before hopping intothe sack with another guy you might find yorself loseing what you have all kinds of stuff can and will happen trust me been here done that keep ita fantasy safer that wa.

Not judging, but by the tone of posts in this thread, it seems that this option is fraught with risks. Good luck if this is your chosen path.

Had this arrangement with my ex. He had a lower sexual drive and was perfectly happy for me to have other men, as long as I didn't fall in love, bring them home - or get pregnant. He wasn't interested in other women although I wouldn't have minded.

I initially had one lover and would sometimes spend a night with him, but also had casual flings while working away on business trips. I ended up with two regular men who I saw separately, both single and both happy with our arrangements. My ex didn't want to know any details and it didn't cause any tensions between us. This is now known as 'hotwifing' although then it was called an open relationship.

We were happy this way for several years, but eventually divorced. The reasons were partly sexual but not completely. If it works for you then go for it, it might be unconventional but there's no reason why marriages shouldn't accommodate different needs.

It is sort of hotwifing in that he likes my naughty side, at least likes hearing about my past, but he doesn't actually want to hear what I have got up to with my new lover. He is just content for me to enjoy it if I feel the need for it. He is wonderful actually, I am very lucky.

Our sex life at home is still great.

Having a new lover though has given me a new spring in my step and things have certainly improved at home in the sense that I just want a bit more sex than before and he is obviously happy with that.

I am a unicorn in a long term threesome so have had first hand experience. Firstly communication is key- the fact that you have openly discussed this with both your husband and the new addition is great. If you are introducing a third make sure if it not just to paper over the cracks of a relationship as many others have said above it only makes things worse not better. As far as logistics go we discuss everything, either face to face or via text/group chat. My situation is slightly different as it is 4 relationships in the one- the primary couple (husband & wife), i date & make love to each of them separately as well as the threesome sexually & dating. Keep that conversation going, limits may change- some like to know what's happened some don't. We share what's happened when it's just two of us via private message with words & pics, it's useful when kinky conversations can't take place straight away when the primary couple get home. Hope this is a help and good luck with your new adventures xx

+1 to what Unicorn Thruple wrote.

I am in 2 long term relationships (my partners are monogamous to me), as well as a few friends with benefits. I don't live with any of them, and I am the one who takes care of all the necessary planning.

If you feel comfortable, a group chat could work great. Discussing more with your husband about this will also help. How often will you meet with your new lover, will your husband know in advance when you'll meet him, what will your husband be doing while you're with your lover, do certain days work better than others etc. Planning in special date nights with your husband will probably make him feel better, too. Last but not least, your husband might come first but remember to take into consideration and respect your new lover as well (many ''secondary'' partners feel underappreciated).

It's a bit of work, but it can totally be worth it. Have fun! =)

I have never been in that position myself . My wife has zero sex drive and gave me permission to have a sex buddy or several , as long as she did not know about it . So far I have not taken that offer for a number of reasons . On a basic level , I think I would stress from guilt and what it would do to her if she found out . Plus I am too old to try and plan and cover my activities . Other than chatting about sex related subjects on here , I am a self service sex toy and if I am really lucky she may assist me occasionally . Sorry for my drift from topic , it sounds like it would be a great way for you if you do not mind figuring out the details .

Since we have lots of threads about swinging, etc., I'm not sure why there are negative responses to this thread. As OP said, it's not really much different.

However, I think you should discuss further with your husband, particularly to work out exactly what he is getting out of it. Does he like the idea of being "cuckolded"? Will he get turned on by hearing all the details? Or perhaps he wants you to be happy and explore your sexuality, but he would he rather you kept things discreet? Knowing this would make it easier for you to sort the logistics.

Also, are you going on dinner-dates with your new lover? Are you staying the night at his place? Or are you just meeting him for a couple of hours of sex? The logistically arrangements will be quite different depending on how much of a time-commitment is going into this.