Advice please!!! Not sure how much we are allowed to write on here for details so here is a sensored bit!
My husband and I have had a very simple sex life for the last 12 years and I recently discussed spicing things up (thanks to a certain trilogy and film brought out)!! He was very ok with trying and buying things to try a bit of bondage etc.. We thought that tonight we would just try oral play a bit more on it's own prior to sex and I was there for ages with him trying all the new things I had read on how to please him and he seemed to enjoy it rather a lot. However, when he reluctantly (for about the 2nd time ever) tried oral on me I couldn't relax very much and needless to say nothing happened!! After this we went on to try and have sex and he was as soft as anything!!! So I had to restart all over again and it was hard bloody work I'm guessing that he doesn't like to give oral and that I should just give up trying to introduce new things before we even begin with props? Any help please?!!!
When my husband & I were dating, he was keen to give me oral but I was nervous about it (not sure why). But I love it now, almost begging him to do it.
You do need to relax to enjoy it. If he's just giving you oral, play with your nipples, & while he's using his tongue he should use his fingers too to rub your clit or get to your g spot. Be responsive to his touch, sounds & hip movements help. I find my OH gets turned on by giving me pleasure, so he's rock hard after going down on me.
But if you find your husband is soft, why not try 69 - both getting some oral attention as foreplay.
I'm not sure whether I've expected too much too soon. We met when I was 16 and he was 24 and I was not experienced at all and we just got stuck in this rut of not experimenting and trying new things. I'm very nervous and shy when it comes to sex and my body. But I've been making an effort and I've bought lots of new underwear and a couple of sexy outfits but haven't got the balls to put them on for him yet as i think he makes me nervous in case he doesn't like it!!
It's literally the 2nd or 3rd time he has ever done it to me and I kept thinking, if I don't cum then he won't do it again and that's all I kept thinking! I don't think it helps that it's me who suggests everything and talks about it to try and make it more comfy. I've left the stuff we bought on his side so if he wants to try it in his own time it's there!
We are in a bit of a similar position, I've been with my OH since I was 20 (not quite as young as what you were & I had been with other people), but we just got into the same sex routine, brilliant sex but no real thrill to it. We used to talk about fantasies when we started going out but that kinda faded away. I have changed my mindset & just think I need to bring some excitement to this, for both of us.
If you're not comfortable strutty your stuff in the lingerie just yet (& don't worry, that time will come), get dressed up in your lingerie & lay in bed with a low lit lamp or candles, so that it's dark but not too dark. He will feel the underwear & see glimpses of it which he will love. Then ease into the other stuff gradually.
Also don't stress about the oral, just enjoy the attention.
I too was in a same situation I was so tense in the end sex was impossible, it freaked me out n no way did I want it... in the end resulting in us going weeks without n me feeling horrible. However I learnt to relax n enjoy him n us more we chatted for 4hours straight n now we both are the ones who start turning each other on for sex I never thought id solely do this. Relaxing n talking was the key component in solving this...perhaps doing something different like go out for a meal first have some wine n a chat then work up to it but dont pressure it to be the thing thats happening that night just enjoy x
Don't think it's that you're expecting too much too soon but trying a little too hard. If you want to try lots of different things to spice up your sex life then that's great but if you're thinking that some of it becomes 'bloody hard work' then the enjoyment is being lost.
Relax, give each a sensual massage, warm oil, soft lights etc then start playing with each other and using your toys etc. If your husband decides to pleasure you orally don't just lay there, pull his hair gently, tell him how good it feels and make sure he knows when he's hit the right spot ! A lot of people don't cum every time they participate in oral, I'm one of them but I certainly enjoy it and I make sure hubby knows just how much, if I do cum great but if I don't - equally great !
I know the fsog books and movie have inspired alot of people to be more adventurous in their sex lives but this in turn can cause high expectations and a little disappointment as seems to have happened in your case. Experiment with each other - find things that really get you both going - but above all, Enjoy yourselves xx
Aw bless you, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Sounds like you are both piling the pressure on though and pressure isn't condusive to feeling sexy.
I agree with Terri about starting with a massage. It's such a nice way to do something different, but still feel sensual and sexy. I have just bought some products this morning from here for massaging, and I'm really excited about them arriving.
With regards to oral, definitely try not to think of it as a means to orgasm, just try and think of it as something nice to enjoy. I wonder if rather than not enjoying it your partner is just worried he's not doing it right. I know it doesn't work for everyone but maybe a different position would help. Would you be confident enough to straddle his face while he's lying down, either facing foward so he can look upwards and enjoy the view of your boobs, or the other way so you can maybe reach down and play with him too, either with you hands or your mouth. That way you are a little bit in control of the movements, so he may not feel quite so worried about whether he's doing it right.
Also try not to leap in at the deep end with the bondage. There are some lovely blindfolds that don't fully obscure dight but are still sexy, things like ticklers can also be a lot of fun too.
Good Luck, I hope things pick up for you both soon x
It's really hard to know how to start things really!! I mean I was always thinking in the back of my mind I would love to try new and different things and spicing it up a bit over the last few years as we really have been about 5-10 mins of sex and then done! Then watching fsog and reading some erotic books it made me really want to try these things out and see what it's all about.
Thank you for all the advice. Maybe starting small is the best way to go!!! By spicing the things we already do and then slowly introducing different things in when we have more confidence in doing new things!
Today he said to me he had a great time last night and really enjoyed it (not sure which part of it) so that's a bit reassuring I suppose!! I think we just need to have a good sit down and talk about it seriously and what we would like to achieve and then we can slowly get to these things.
Hi have you thought about watching some porn together? Companies like Digital Playground make nice couple-friendly porn, the Island Fever ones are very pretty and can be a great way to start talkingabout what interests you both, and see some different techniques!
I'm sure as you grow more confident in experimenting together you'll find it much easier, and this forum is amazing as you can ask about anything!
Good luck and have fun!
LadyS wrote:
Aw bless you, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Sounds like you are both piling the pressure on though and pressure isn't condusive to feeling sexy.
I agree with Terri about starting with a massage. It's such a nice way to do something different, but still feel sensual and sexy. I have just bought some products this morning from here for massaging, and I'm really excited about them arriving.
With regards to oral, definitely try not to think of it as a means to orgasm, just try and think of it as something nice to enjoy. I wonder if rather than not enjoying it your partner is just worried he's not doing it right. I know it doesn't work for everyone but maybe a different position would help. Would you be confident enough to straddle his face while he's lying down, either facing foward so he can look upwards and enjoy the view of your boobs, or the other way so you can maybe reach down and play with him too, either with you hands or your mouth. That way you are a little bit in control of the movements, so he may not feel quite so worried about whether he's doing it right.
Also try not to leap in at the deep end with the bondage. There are some lovely blindfolds that don't fully obscure dight but are still sexy, things like ticklers can also be a lot of fun too.
I find the best thing that me and my partner have ever done is talk. Talk about what turns us on and what doesn't, perhaps what we might like to try out next time or perhaps what we'll maybe avoid next time. Or if we notice each other becoming embarrassed by something new we are trying, asking why we are emmbarrassed and if there is maybe a different way we could be doing things. And it doesn't have to be a big 'We Need To Talk' talk, it can be a 5 minute chat just after sex as in 'I really liked it when you did that thing, but maybe if you were a bit more gentle it would be even better' kinda thing. This then builds up in your heads into an overall picture of where you are and what each other likes.
The second best thing we did was to relax, nothing is as big a deal as it is in your head.
Personally i think you need to leave fifty shades well out of the conversation. I think there are a lot of men out there who are probably feeling the pressure to be more dominant and try things that they probably never imagined they would like because of the book.
I would think of a few things you would like to try and then discuss it openly. Start off slowly though. Maybe try looking at blindfolds and suggest thats something you would like to try. Not only are blindfolds great because you cant see whats happening, but if the other person is self conscious then them knowing you arent watching them makes it a lot easier!
Pretty much every "accessory" has a beginners version, so if you havent dabbled much in bondage before then a spreader bar might appeal to you, but your oh might find it intimidating, so you could opt for soft satin ties to get used to the feeling of being tied.
In terms of oral i would suggest some flavoured lubes. I find it much easier to relax if i know that i taste fruity down below and it stops me worrying about other things. Maybe communicate that you would like to incorporate oral into foreplay but not make it the main attraction. I find it almost impossible to climax from oral alone so we only really do that before sex, so i dont feel the pressure to climax.
the biggest thing to help us though was browsing the site together and agreeing to be open minded and honest. There were some things he picked out that i never would have and vice versa but we both felt comfortable to try new things and it worked out! Obviously if theres something either of you are dead set against then you have to move on and look at other toys as you dont want either of you to be out off by something that you dont enjoy.
A lot of the card games are quite good for spicing things up. You dont have to play them properly, but even just looking through them can give you ideas for new things to try and it encourages the conversation in a way that isnt forced.
Can anyone give me some handy tips on giving a great blow job?
When I bought the bondage stuff I also bought some of that deep throat spray but I'm a little apprehensive and nervous! I've given blow jobs before but if I'm going to gradually spice things up i would love to master the skills of blow jobs!!
bon28 wrote:
Can anyone give me some handy tips on giving a great blow job?
When I bought the bondage stuff I also bought some of that deep throat spray but I'm a little apprehensive and nervous! I've given blow jobs before but if I'm going to gradually spice things up i would love to master the skills of blow jobs!!
I had some of the deep throat spray and it definitely helped me go deeper. I'm crap at blowjob advice, I can never remember what it is I do when I'm down there, lol. However I reckon enthusiasm and enjoyment go a long way to making it good. Also if you can't go deep woth or without the spray I don't think that is the be all and end all of blowjobs. I always use my hands as well, and give the balls their fair share of attention too, but that was what my ex liked so that's what I got used to doing. I guess all guys have their own specifc blowjob likes, lol.
I'm sure there must be some good blowjob threads on here, I couldn't see any obvious ones when I searched, but I'm sure they're there. Maybe someone else will be along with some better advice later. I realise I've just waffled a little really, lol x
bon28 wrote:
Can anyone give me some handy tips on giving a great blow job?
When I bought the bondage stuff I also bought some of that deep throat spray but I'm a little apprehensive and nervous! I've given blow jobs before but if I'm going to gradually spice things up i would love to master the skills of blow jobs!!
Hi there, I noticed LH Jess post this link recently which may be useful to you :) xx
https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PL0G-eJWh4vmfJ88_4vXlihJ84STbg-FNS&v=S8N97MrRBLA