Am I right to be pissed off?

So, this is a long story… please bear with me…

I’d been seeing a guy for give or take 20 months… we broke up once for a couple of months because it was too much, but after 2months we missed each other and carried on again.

Until about 3/4 weeks ago, where I told him I couldn’t carry on… I was all happy with him most of the timr, but he had too many annoying traits etc that I couldn’t see me putting up with in the long run-plus he was extremely nosey, and wouldn’t accept NO to sex… hence why I decided to do what was best for me.

He was “broken hearted” - both times… que depressive status’ and “I miss you’s” etc. I stopped all contact for 1 week to create space, and then we met up, went for a walk and then one thing led to another-it was great. Told him it changed nothing. He said ok.

A few days ago, he asked If I had been with anyone else recently as there was a rumour going around. I said no, and he said he would be gutted if it was true. Told him I hadn’t even thought about anyone else let alone look for someone. He said the same- its going to be ages until he moves on…

So… I found out he’s on Tinder… he doesnt know I know-but although I know he’s a single guy I just find it incredibly upsetting… am I being over sensitive? (Aunt Flo arrived too so could just be hormones). I’ve just left him to it and barely spoken to him the last few days just so he can move on quickly if thats what he wants to do…

Would anyone else be a bit iffy with this?

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Yeah i can definitely understand feeling a bit iffy about the situation. If he hadn’t said it’d take him ages to move on or been so dodgy about the slight potential of you having a new partner it’d probably be ok but as it is it does seem a little iffy

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He won’t accept no regarding sex, boot him out of your life. Also he’s already on a dating site!

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Oh hell yes!! I’d be pissed off too! But atleast you know the kind of selfish guy he is now. Hopefully it’ll help you move on easier from him.
I had an ex that went around boasting to everyone, he took me on holiday… Yea he did, with my money :roll_eyes::face_with_symbols_over_mouth: such a douche. That helped me move on from the c u next Tuesday :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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I think you need to decide to either have him in your life or not, there doesn’t seem to be much middle ground for “friends”.

You can’t see it lasting long term with his traits, fair enough, make it clear that its over. From what I understand of Tinder, there seem to be two types, those looking for casual hook ups and those looking for partners. He could be on there just to get his leg over, so his comment about “taking time to get over you” may be true from a relationship perspective, but perhaps he sees casual sex completely differently.

Move on, heal yourself, and don’t take up energy wondering what he is up to. You wanted to let him go, so just do that

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It sounds like he has confirmed why he isn’t any good for you. Your instincts were already right about him.

I would be angry with him too. But also thankful in a way that you know who he is.

You are way too valuable to concern yourself with someone who lies, tries to make you feel guilty, and won’t accept a ‘no’. You deserve so much better!

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He is technically single so he can do what he wants. He sounds like he isn’t worth the hassle to be honest. It’s going to carry on being an off and on relationship if you keep it up. I’ve learned it the hard way to boot them immediately if they don’t take no for an answer. If you say no and he’s like “oh come on” or anything like that and you give in, you have NOT given him consent. I’m not sure if I can say her name but there’s this youtuber Lily O’Reilly who did a great video on consent and is a good channel all around for sex, consent, etc. I’d recommend everyone to watch that video no matter how old they are or how they identify.

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Definitely right to be pissed off! As a outsider it sounds very very iffy indeed. You need to think how things will work long term, and do what is best for you.

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To be honest, I don’t think his being on Tinder is a reason to be pissed off, I think it’s something to celebrate.

Plenty of red flags about the relationship in your description, the inability to accept “no” as an answer to sex and when you’re not even together asking about what you’re doing and who with is very out of order. You say, you’d decided (and are happy with the decision?) that you no longer want to be in this relationship. He is lying about thinking of moving on so another red flag there but the end result is if you don’t want him, he is single. Encourage him to move on as it will make your life easier in the long run!

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There’s a chance he went on the dating sites as a reaction to hearing the rumours about you, but either way this guy sounds like a knob and isn’t worth your time regardless, so don’t lose any sleep over him :heart::smile_cat:

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Thanks guys, I do want it to end, but just so many mixed messages from him and was unsure.

I have tried to put distance between us before but he knows exactly how to guilt trip me and get his way. Think its just stay away from him now and let him do what he wants.

He is showing many signs of a manipulator and I can’t be dealing with it.

Thanks again

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It sounds like you and him need to move on. The longer you have the occasional contact will mean he can bring on the guilt trip. Good luck and I hope happiness is just around the corner. @alikj18

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It sounds to me that he’s feeling sorry for himself - hence trying to make you feel bad/guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty. If you’re not happy then he needs to respect that and man up. Everyone’s been in a break up situation - it’s hard but you really need to both move on, and make a clean break - i’ve had to many friends who take a long time going back and forth…but the best (and usually the hardest) thing to do is make a definite line in the sand for both of you.

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Well, you said he has certain traits that you don’t like so that wouldn’t just go away. Not accepting NO for sex isn’t good at all. When you’re split up you are free to do as you please & I think you should be rid of this guy for better things to come.

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Just my two cents here.

First off, the fact that you don’t see it working in the long term is enough to see it off. However, I will say that once you break it off, meeting up with him and having sex isn’t helping the situation, it will only encourage his behavior and is potentially sending mixed messages.

He certainly doesn’t sound mature enough to manage a casual relationship/friends with benefits type thing and more than likely can’t separate sex from a relationship.

That being said, I don’t really think you can be pissed off at him, sure he’s obviously behaving like a bit of a tosser, and that speaks to immaturity and pettiness, but that being said if you’ve told him that when you had sex it changed nothing and you don’t want to be with him then why shouldn’t he be on a dating site?

To be honest, I’d delete his contact details and stay away. You really don’t need the drama of it all and getting wrapped up in it is pointless.

Move on with your life and enjoy yourself. :slight_smile:

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To be honest since you broke up with him i dont think its really fair that you judge him for being on tinder etc, you arent together so he is free to do what he wants as are you(whether he is a twat or not).

You also said that last time you met up what you guys did “changes nothing”, so he is still single if i followed that correctly.

It sounds like you may be being abit clingy, you dont want him but you dont want anyone else to have him.

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I wouldn’t say I’m judging him- I’m just a bit surprised if anything which has made me peeved after he was questioning me.

I’m glad for all the different views, feeling better about it today and just cracked on with my day.

I guess feelings don’t just disappear -yes I may have ended it, and not seen it working in the long run but there was always feelings and the love there.

Thanks guys :blush:

Now, off for some retail therapy… any suggestions ? :wink:

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Buy a Womanizer and forget about the looser.:wink:
I’d have been annoyed too :roll_eyes:

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Already have one :wink: love it

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@alikj18 you said it yourself there… he knows exactly how to guilt trip you and he’s showing signs of the manipulator. They are the clearest of signs in my that he’s no good for you so you’ve done the right thing definitely.

You both are single now so are free to do whatever you both please so I wouldn’t worry yourself over it too much.

I think it’s completely normal to feel let down by him being on Tinder so soon but again, that shows his character so enjoy your time without him now. I have friends who have done similar and in my opinion/experience with them: coming out of a long term relationship and wanting to be jumping straight into bed with others Is hugely suspicious, but we all as humans have our own ways of dealing with things so we can’t just assume.

He’s just trying to make you feel bad and probably made the rumour up himself to twist information out of you. Get yourself an “F you” order from Lovehoney and leave him in the past now :grinning: Keep the distance like you said and in the future you’ll look back at this and laugh

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