Ater a few false dawns me and my OH are looking at getting into Anal Play together before advancing onwards to a land of adventure.We have bought a plug and both exicited but it will take time.
My OH has been bought up very conservatively to think her body is dirty including her bum. It has taken years for her to be comfortable and accept her body . So consequently when touched on her bum it brings on feelings of dirtyness although it is super sensitive so we both know there is a potential to change it into pleasure. She wants to try it but not sure how to change how it feels.
I am sure its not unusual and appreciate it will take time to change those feelings as we want to take exploration further.
Anyone else been through this and have any tips on how to change the feelings to positive?
I was thinking of a sensual massage which ends on her bum or bum play after she has orgasmed. Or her exploring in the shower? Thinking of nothing up bum, just the entrance until the feelings have started to change?
The massage is a great idea and if im not mistaken thats totally how i started out my journey and now love of anal. If that goes well you could try gently rubbing with ur finger as you have sex. Good luck i hope it works out well for both of you :)
The massage is a good idea, the relaxation obviously helps, and it is highly arousing. You can also take steps to make sure proceedings are mess free, practice with douche a couple times, believe it or not you can get it wrong and put too much water in.
As for the question of how to change how it feels, it just takes time, with regular stimulation your brain changes it automatically, basically at first it only gets signals that are pain or digestive related pressures etc, then you start doing "other" things to it, and your brain at first tries to fit these sensations into its old classifications of pain or digestive. With repetition however, the brain learns that rather than being a sign of potential injury or danger, having a large object inserted into the anus is normal and then can reclassify the pain another way. It learns that relaxing and contracting the muslces back there isnt always associate with a bowel movement and then can reclassify those sensation also. Makes some sense that if that new stimulation is closely associated with sex and sexual arousal then the will be some positive linkages.
Dont be tempted to go too large too fast, pain is a surefire way to put a stop on things.
Thanks LadyFee. I have tried the finger on the bum during sex previously but she doesnt like it at the time. Think she just found the thought ot it gross. THink the massage is the way to go.
Must be said i would love to rim her as she has a fantastic arse, but baby steps first!
Thanks King Grthy. Dont think we are going for insertion of anything for quite a while touching her entrance she finds a struggle enough, changing those feelings that makes her want to jump in fright to the tickly feeling being nice will take a long time.
I dont mind, its nice to explore each other. Hopefully will have a great time.
Hoping one day we will get to full anal as she can orgasm easily through vaginal penetration so good chance she may be able to orgasm anally. Cant wait to eventuality try and get that to happen. I am looking forward to her doing the same to me which will be qucker as i am well up for it.
Firstly @illtakethehighroad you sound lovely. Wanting it as much for your OH as you. After a very unsuccessful attempt with my now Husband at the very start of our relationship (young, no clue what we were doing) I definitely had no plans to try it again. With lots of patience, gentle touching and "is that okays?" from H we now love full anal. Massage and some positive words about how much you love her bum etc definitely sounds like a plan. I always imagined (up until a year ago when we introduced it) that it would feel really naughty or dirty but it is honestly some of the most loving sex we have ever had. Take it slow, good luck.
The key to good anal sex, especially for your first time is to feel as relaxed as possible, a massage sounds perfect and go slow. Even if it’s done in stages, if done right it’s really exciting and a massive turn on. Just soft and gentle movements to start with and start small like a gentle rub around her bum, then next time move onto something else. Have fun and enjoy and remember relax! X
Hi MRs John. Thank you for your nice words. that gives me hope we can get somewhere now that you are now doing Anal in a year. I have always wanted to do it but she found the idea totally gross for years, plus shes not a fan of poop even after putting nappies on our sprogs. It was a non topic of conversation. It comes with confidence, she is feeling better she is more willing to try it. Also more open to dicussing what its like and that its not gross and just for men. She however still doesnt belive me when i say you can orgasm from it but we will have to find out!
To be honest like you i like the thought of gentle loving anal sex, not something you can do withoutprep so takes time. Our lives are hectic with young children and frequently knackered when we make time for sex. Like the idea with anal of having to prep and make a proper night of it.
Mrs D. I am relaxed! Very relaxed about it, its her thats not! Think it will be a lot of rubbing before we go to any insertion.
Hi MRs John. Thank you for your nice words. that gives me hope we can get somewhere now that you are now doing Anal in a year. You are very welcome. I think the most difficult thing will be your OH changing her thoughts on it. But as it's something she wants I'm sure this is possible. As for the O, all I can say is that I can vouch for it being a real thing. As you said this won't happen over night but have fun with the journey.
Thanks for your advice. Its been so good i think i will show her this thread.
Dont mind me asking how many attempts did it take before you started to enjoy it and how many before you had an orgasm? Doesn the orgasm feel different to vaginal?
speaking for my other half, her first orgasm from anal alone came after several intimate sessions, sometimes sex, sometimes just fingers and toys. combined with vaginal stimulation, usually oral, she had always enjoyed a finger or two or plug, but she doesnt care for anal only despite her ability to come from it. She comes much harder from both though!
If I could sit her down for a coffee and a chat I definitely would so yes share this thread with her. I think it took 8 - 10 attempts to get my OH fully in. Each time, a little further. As someone said above it was really in stages and always after I was warmed up so to speak. It's all in the communication - on occasion I didn't need him to withdraw just stop, stay still and hold me, then carry on. The enjoying came once I knew I could do it, the mind is a great thing, after the first success it became really good really quickly. Im lucky that I can O really easily in general so that followed really quickly too - firstly with a finger around the front but now can get there hands free 😂 . I do have a plug but that randomly came after the success. A good lube and lots of gentle touching is all you need right now.