Anal Play for the very tense but interested...maybe

Long story short, I had a super-bad anal experience about 10yrs ago (think nasty partner, no lube, ongoing internal bleeds occasionally... you get the idea). Been single ever since but met a fantastic man at Christmas who has actually shown me that sex can be amazing & not about hurting & I'm literally blown away that at the age of 40 I'm having fun in the bedroom.
I know that my man would love to try some light anal play with me & I'm not totally against the idea - I'm just terrified... Can someone suggest something that I / we could start with...I know that I can trust him totally & he knows what's happened & isn't pushing - is just like to try something that will make him happy x
Any suggestions greatly appreciated guys xx

Firstly, welcome

Secondly, at 40 you are certainly not an oldie!

And thirdly, I have no idea where to begin. There's lots of threads on here about first time anal and where to start as well as some good guides on Lovehoney. Try this page first with some great anal toys for beginners

I am new to anal and went for the basics slimline butt plug, the reverse beads and tge anal probper. All come highly recommended


Sorry probably more useful if I link..... I was just being lazy

I totally agree with Never know and butt plugs are the way to go! I've only ever had slimline things out in my ass before as in a rocks off bullet (however dont do because i was told on here thankfully how it could have got lost and that would have been embarssing haha) but start small and i found the vibrations help relax you as well

Also consider getting an anal lube as they are thicker and last longer without needing to be replaced and topped up (although LH's own brand cherry lube is amazing) . LH also sell an anal relaxant which relaxes you but does not take away sensation... in fact i believe they do more than one. You will find them on the better anal sex on the top :)

Never know how do you post links? Ive never been able t do that then i can link this up : )

ps: your in now way an oldie at 40!!! I've also been sexually assulted three times in my life so i know how you feel and one was an on going thing. i get there gradually.... i mean im pretty much ok with all kinds of sexual stuff now thanks to LH in fact...but then thanks to my most recent ex im pretty nervous all over again...the only thing i fully refuse to do (for the same reasons you have trouble with anal) is deep throating.

Its good you have found someone so understanding. take you time and relax :) You will be ok and move at a speed you feel able. If you can use something small thats awesome but stay at that level for a while. :)

Welcome btw :) this is an amazing place i owe my sanity to the people ive met on here!

Missbrowneyes92 to link I just find the page I want to link then copy and past the web address? I do it from my IPad, I have seen people comment that they can't do it from their phone so I'm not sure if it depends what you are using. I hope this helps, I'm not the most IT savy!

Thank you so much for your advice & kind words - I think I just need to read up a bit more & maybe start very small...
Lol I know 40's not old but I have felt it for years - starting to feel younger & more adventurous by the day!! Wish I'd been introduced to Love Honey years ago!!! Xx

Ah bless you, you're welcome. I hope you enjoy yourself on here. I certainly haven't looked back!

Curiousoldie wrote:

Thank you so much for your advice & kind words - I think I just need to read up a bit more & maybe start very small...
Lol I know 40's not old but I have felt it for years - starting to feel younger & more adventurous by the day!! Wish I'd been introduced to Love Honey years ago!!! Xx

Hi and welcome! I'm 42 and the same as you, we're trying stuff I'd never have dreamed of! I was very anti anal play and was sure I'd never try it. But we did, despite my reservations as I have problems there and bleed occasionally. And I absolutely love it! As a bonus it seems to have helped sort out the bleeding thing as well! We started with the LH Anal beginner's kit and then bought some slightly larger butt plugs and worked our way up. Just use plenty of lube and relax. Have fun!!

GlamRockChic thanks for the advice & your honestly about the bleeding - it's a regular thing with me & when I finally (years later) saw a doctor they've just said to change my diet & use the cream for piles!! Neither has worked as I was literally torn inside... Logic tells me that if it is stretched a little (in the right way) that it would make normal function easier...just gotta get my head round it & over the fear factor!
Small steps eh?? At least I'm seriously considering "something" to help myself now & I know my OH would love it!!

Definitely slowly to start with, a lubed finger during sex was our starting point - you can also practice this yourself a little first if you find it would help to know what it feels like.

Then small butt plugs perhaps

We also used this to begin with - it's really smooth and amazingly comfortable

Both of these are in the sale at the moment too ;)

I'd suggest starting with really small butt plugs that don't have much of a "flare" between then body of the toy and the neck (whilst, of course, still having a big, sturdy base so that they won't get lost) so that you don't have the problem of getting it stuck if you tense up.

This sort of shape -

I'd also suggest soft silicone over basically any other material, since it's so smooth, and tonnes and tonnes of lube - If you feel like you're about to fire it out as soon as it goes in, it's probably about right,

I get regular rectal bleeds due to my disability (sorry if that's TMI) but I find that moving very, very slowly and using tonnes of lube, as well as having wet-wipes on-hand in case of any small bleeds (which always look more dramatic and disturbing than they feel) can really help. Also, if it's any reassurance, I get bleeds a lot and can still have and really enjoy anal sex, I just have to keep a track of when the worst bleeds have been and abstain for a few days after them. Maybe TMI, but track your bowel movements, they're a good proxy for how healthy your sphincters are at the moment.

I'd second the people saying that starting on your own might be a good idea - A finger in a nitrile glove, with a lot of lubricant, is a good place to start, (it fills the categories of "small", "soft", "smooth" and "straight-sided", with the added bonus of being more controllable than a toy) and it might help you get more accustomed to where (internally) everything is before you start any more ambitious play.

Also, good luck and hope that it goes well for you if you try :)

I have been having anal sex with my wife for over 16 years now. She loves it and I love it. Lots of lube and take it easy to start. We did start with straight penile penetration and she said it was uncomfortable to start but because she was well lubed it wasn't painful. Perhaps you should just start with a smallish plug and work your way up. It is though amazing how big you can go and she enjoys much larger toys now including my fist but only up to the knuckles. It's also a two way thing though as this past year plus my wife has been doing me anally with various toys, some quite big and she does fist me, but she has smaller hands. Having said that it is still an extremely pleasurable stretch. She is also now pegging me which is great fun for both of us. By taking it gently you can see where you can end up and experience how great anal sex is.