Anal Training

Dear all

My wife and I have delved into the world of anal play after 11 years with one another, and I was looking for some tips to help her accommodate me.

We've tried a few times, but I'm too big for her and we've had to stop. I've bought her a plug, it's very skinny, but she doesn't seem massively jazzed by it or seem to want to train with it.

Is there an alternative? What are the ways to work up to her taking me anally?

Thanks In advance.

Hi Kodoma - The best advice I can give is to take is extremely slowly and use lots of lube. It is always best to start with a finger - my Husband uses a glove when he does this so that afterwards you just turn it inside out and you have no worries about mess etc. We use these:-

We also use a relaxing anal spray which I find invaluable. The great thing about this spray is that you really don’t loose any sensation at all - and there are no long-term effects. Nothing gets looser, so to speak - it just helps things to relax and not burn. I personally use 3 sprays, but the bottle does suggest using between 2-3 sprays - it depends on how you feel. Just try a couple of sprays and wait for about 5 minutes:

It may take several sessions before you are able to penetrate fully - just take as long as you need and build up very slowly. Just get used to playing with your fingers for a couple of sessions and enjoy those sensations before you try again - you can try to build up to 2 fingers then 3 fingers - making sure you use lots of lube - this is essential - I use Sliquid Sassy as it does not contain any chemical nasties - but there are lots of anal lubes on LH to choose from:

I have also added a couple of Lovehoney Guide links which I think will be helpful:

I hope this all helps and good luck :) xx

Like everyone else has said, going super slow is key. Going from personal experience, I would recommend prepping for a good while before you attempt to penetrate with your penis. The pain or discomfort is caused when the anal sphincter muscles are not relaxed and relaxing them can take quite a while, especially if she is even slightly newrvous and new to anal. Building up slowly and using lots of lube is key. You could spend time with one finger inside, moving up to two fingers slowly and taking the time to let her bum become accustomed to the new sensations each time and gradually relax. Wearing a butt plug would be ideal, especially if she wore it for half hour or more before sex, but if she does not like it, then the prep will have to be done with fingers, slowly, painstakingly slowly, over the first hour or so of your session.

Another tip, from experience....When you start to penetrate her, please remember to use some backstrokes at the beginning. I have done anal with a few exes and my current partner and one common complaint I have is, in their desire to get inside, they just push forward continuously, pushing and pushing. It kinda pulls at the anus in an uncomfortable way! In other words, I don't like it when his first stroke is all about going balls deep without also pulling back a little to allow my bum to get used to the sensation. It requires a little force to push inside yes, and as soon as the head slips inside it can become intense very quickly....if he carries on pushing and pushing at this is too much. Stop after the head is inside, even pull out a little, then on the next stroke inside you can sink a little deeper, so long as you do everything sloooowly. She needs to be relaxed too and over time, her bum will relax more and accomodate you, allowing you to thrust faster (This may not happen in the first few sessions though. I think it took me a good 5 to 10 attempts at anal, before he was able to begin thrusting inside me and even then it was slow thrusting. It was only after much more experience did it feel comfortable for him to thrust hard. It takes time.)

Painstakingly slow....gallons of lube..and not forcing anything inside are all key!

Super slow, get her very aroused and above all, communicate!

also, enjoy all of each others holes even when you're not planning penetration. fondling and licking and fingering the anus during oral gets you both used to the feelings. a finger playing with her ass during vaginal sex is fun too.

bear in mind too that she just might not be into it and might never be .

it was about 10 years into our marriage before we got into it. it goes in phases now, sometimes every shag, sometimes not for months. adds to the mystery, have fun.

Best advice I have take it nice and slow , lube lube lube , start off small and dont get eyes bigger than your belly .

LH have a great buyers guide -

I started off with

Then got a butt plug so you are used to slipping something inside you - or you could buy a kit and work your way up -

I then got a douche - dead easy to use and simple and makes you clean esp when your using bigger toys as I worked my way up to an anal dildo to get to used to the fact that he will be inside me -

Then I brought to get fill what it will be like,

Honestly try it slow if you enjoy it you enjoy it its not for everyone, dont put any pressure on yourself slow and lube it taken me about 6 months to work my way up, just taken it at my own pace.

Thanks for all the advice.

She's definitely into it. She was the one who brought it up. It just seems as though even after a lot of foreplay, lube, taking it slow etc etc, she's not able to relax enough for penetration.

I'm going to try some of that spray. Encourage her to plug more often, just so she's more used to the feel of something there and going through the motions of taking something on a regular basis.

I don't think we try often enough. Will have to up the frequency of effort I feel.

Thanks again all.

me and my OH have been doing anal for about a year now and im still very tense and worried about the whole thing, im getting better but the keys things are to relax, lots of lube, go super slow and just enjoy it, if u over think it when u tense up and it can hurt, we have tried putting a butt plug or beads in and then just doing the normal house things i.e. wash up, fold the washing that sort of thing, this way u get used to the feel of something inside you, and it really does help, my OH is quite large also and i couldnt take the whole thiing at first but different positions help, funny enough girl being on top is alot easier, this way ur wife can control the depth, hope this helps.

^^ agree, girl on top is great, cause she can slide on, intact even if you don't penetrate her, gently pushing against the anus will stimulate her and you might find it'll just slip in slightly.
Spooning is great too, very intimate and again she can just push back slowly grinding until she's comfortable.

One thing, pulling back and allowing time etc is great, but I find with anal once it's in, don't fully remove it until its time - it might just be me, but once my partner removes himself fully my muscles tighten up 10x again. It's much easier if on te backstroke he just removes like 90% of himself!

My (now ex) OH found when we started that she relaxed after having an orgasm. The first time we did it I entered her after she had already had an orgasm (very slow with lube of course).

There after it still often took her a while to relax so I had to go slow but other times ...

I would suggest licking her to orgasm and then trying.


Take it real slow

Vibrations can help also, so maybe one time just vibrate teh anus, nothing more for a few times and then move on from there with the advice from other people

Take your time, you have been together 11 years, so no hurry :)