I already knew and expected my boyfriend watched some porn, and I don’t mind this at all but after a few drinks recently he admitted he’s been watching it every day for a few years now. He is concerned he has actually become addicted to it and his urge to masturbate is too much and affecting him getting things done.
He said he told me as he wants to to take steps to stop his porn use and get his arousal under control and I’m proud of him for this. Has anyone gone though similar or have any advice on this?
There have been times in my life I may have ‘over indulged’ but that was generally when single. I’ve never found it to affect me getting anything done as it’s always been in ‘down time’ rather than during periods when I should be working or doing something else.
I’d suggest not trying to go ‘cold turkey’ and see it as a complete negative, but maybe to look into doing things more as a couple to occupy his time (including watching it together occasionally). Often porn is seen as a substitute for real experiences by men in particular, so does he feel anything is missing in your sex life? Other times it’s just down to habit and boredom, so maybe a new hobby could be found? It’s great that he can tell you about his concerns as it means he’s willing to be open with you. Remember - there’s nothing wrong with enjoying porn. It’s something people from all walks of life enjoy. It’s all a question of balance and not letting it become the be all and end all or an alternative to other activities, especially between partners.
@sammy-jo I went through exactly the same thing as you boyfriend and I know how trapped you can feel being in that cycle.
I came clean to my wife and, unlike some other advice here, went completely cold turkey. I saw it as a turning point to reflect on the mistakes I’d been making and time to turn things around. At the time I was unhappy with s lot of things in my life and was using porn on a daily basis. I never stopped me getting things done, but definitely hurt my sex drive and reduced intimate time with my wife, which is something we both wanted to change.
Personally I spoke to a therapist and she was extremely helpful in breaking down how I’d gotten into that situation, what my triggers were and creating a plan going forward.
I’m not even sure if you can DM in here (I’m new) but feel free to message if you can and would like to
No, I haven’t quit watching porn and probably never will and my wife sometimes likes having it on at the same time when we are having sex.
I can understand some guys getting addicted to it. But it’s good to realize if you’re getting addicted to it. Especially if it effects your sex life with your partner.
It’s good to have some “alone” time once in awhile.
As much as us men love, adore and fancy the arse off our OH I don’t think anyone will honestly stop. I find myself masturbating thinking of my OH…A lot of the time it’s a lazy way out of not putting the effort in with her…An addiction to it with porn is different yet you shouldn’t think it automatically means he doesn’t want you. Maybe try making sure he has plenty material of you to look at rather than porn to wheen him off. Most important don’t let it make u feel unwanted and les sexy
Depending on your comfort level and how much it bothers you, have you guys ever considered taking videos of yourselves? Im sure he would prefer to masturbate to you anyways. Try sending him videos of you using toys, and masturbating yourself as well as pictures or maybe even let him make a movie of both of you guys. Might help get him away from porn as a step
I tried it years ago, cold turkey…
Lasted 2 weeks.
Didn’t do it cause I was addicted to porn, was just curious to see how long I’d last.
Gonna go cold turkey again from now (had a, tug this morning).
I read about how no porn or masturbation can improve sex, and performance etc.
So other than sex with my partner, let’s see how long I last
Restricting the porn and masturbation to certain times of the day might be a start, then trying to concentrate more on the sensations without the porn.
I’m a 39 year old male and I’m not addicted addicted but do like watching porn. Sometimes if my wife is away working lots I can watch porn 3-6 days in a row and masturbate on most of those days.
When she is home and around I probably watch it 1-2 times a week / masturbate 1-2 times a week on days when I know what we won’t be having sex together.
I do look forward to watching porn and using my sex toys solo. I use a VPN in our house to watch porn as we have some young son’s and have safe search turned on.
I found the porn used to buffer quite a lot which was very annoying when I’m using lube and toys and wanting to go for it.
Now I download some porn to my phone and tablet which makes watching porn a lot easier but is a bit distracting know it’s on my phone and it’s new porn that I have never seen before.
I’m making more of an effort now not too think to much about porn or playing with myself. I am trying to achieve a hands free prostrate orgasm which for me is harder than it sounds.
Not sure if your boyfriend knows about that but if he doesn’t it might be best to keep it quiet as for a while I was on a mission and quite addicted trying to achieve the male super p g orgasm which did take up quite a bit of my time with research, preparation then watching porn and trying to get it.
It’s good he knows that it’s a problem and trying to solve it. I do lots of exercise and that might a good thing for your boyfriend as sometimes if I get tired from a good fitness workout then that decreases my urge for porn or to make myself cum.
I don’t have any issues in terms of porn or wanking, but I am in recovery myself from drug addiction/alcoholism and ultimately sex is something that plays an active part in that for me.
Porn and wanking have never really been a thing, but there’s reasons behind that.
I have a disability, used to see myself as defective because of it (still can on not so good days), and this had a big impact on how I saw things.
I used sex to validate myself, if I can be a good lover I won’t be seen as defective, so solo play would never scratch that itch.
So in relation to his concern, it could be an addiction.
Addiction is a crazy thing, for me I was trying to run away from myself and artificially change the way I felt. I hated myself. Recovery, however, is an amazing experience for me. I am getting to know myself, I’m a pretty decent guy after all.
Active addiction of any kind is a horrible ordeal, but your bf has took a huge step in confiding with you and recognizing there is a problem. I do not know much around the porn/wanking addiction side, but I would suggest @MrS4 advise is very wise - easier to pull the plug than trying to cut down, and well worth considering some kind of counselling/therapist to talk through what is going on in terms of triggers and understanding what is going on.
One thing to be mindful of with addiction is swapping one thing for another, hence the therapy side being a good idea for him to have a safe space to talk about whats going on for him.
One thing to be wary of is that it is easy to swap one thing for another (for example if I couldn’t get my drug of choice, I would take others and or alcohol, anything to change the way I felt).
Sorry if that’s too much focus on addiction aspect, happy to answer any questions from my experience if wanted to know anything further.
Being an older guy with an inactive partner , those two things keep my body working properly . I have a number of friends that have to be treated for low T . I have a theory that the use it or lose it applies . I do believe my horniness and general sexual level is in part due to “exercising” both my brain and reproductive organs . I watch short porn clips from a site with porn in its name . Some weeks I may spend almost zero time on porn , others maybe two hours in a week . But it is usually a mix of theirs and my own . Masturbating for men reduces your chance of prostrate cancer by 20% in recent studies .
I am a young 63 myself ! I feel no need to check my T levels , I am almost as horny as when I was 21 . I may have to wait a bit for a ride , snow flurries forecast over the next several days .
