Approching the talk about will you use a toy on me?

This question is mainly aimed at the guys here but would also love any comments from female member to.

My fiance and i are both enjoyers of anal play, and she regulary has a lot of fun with me in some anal action, she also knows i like a finger slipped in during a BJ.

The question im wondering is as ive now found the joys of anal toys on myself how do i approach the question of asking her to use toys on me when i know she was squemish about using a finger? (she now loves using her fingers on me, but had said before the fingers were intorduced she wouldnt put anything in my ass full stop)

Any advise from men who have had this 'talk' with their partners or women who have had it asked of them would be greatly aprechiated. X

Hi First Time, I'm not an anal fan and I do believe the male anus is Latin for 'not-without-a-pay-cheque' but I do think you've got a great foundation for this chat.

In general I find squeamishness about this area comes from the skin-on-skin factor. A toy provides quite a nice buffer that can make users feel more comfortable. So hopefully is she's cool with a finger a toy will be more than acceptable.

When you discuss it with her talk about why you enjoy these toys and why you want to share that with her. I think she'll appreciate the idea of anal fun without having to be constantly attached to a hand so to speak.

You never know she might want to join in the fun! But use a condom on your toys if you're sharing. Even better, use it as an excuse to double up! It adds a whole new level to his 'n' hers....

Best to start with the beginner toys, go small, use lots of lube and stay safe.

Good points from Tigerlilies.

Has she been 'braced' about your enjoyment of toys alone. She could be shocked if she found out you like it, unfortunately some people will call you 'gay' etc... for such acts with little justification.

The 'buffer' is a good term. A lot of people see anal as inherently dirty, if she isn't directly touching she might prefer it and maybe that's why she doesn't like using her finger in the first place.

In essence, find out what her hang ups are, mental, physical or something else and address that particular issue.

Good luck!

If she doesn't already understand the reason why anal works so well on guys it would be worth explaining that the prostate area is the engine-room of the male orgasm which is why is why its stimulation is so pleasurable.

The 'it's gay' thing, and why its absurd, has been discussed here a few times so it could be worth a search.

thank you for all your replies and will take every one in, think ill do as all of you have sugested and just take it slowly and try to introduce it bit bu bit. possibly casualy saying that i was curious how it felt with a toy in me while having one in her (is that subtle or obvious lol).

Thanks for all your help, its nice to find some where where every person is nice, friendly and willing to help. i havent seen one post on any topic that just shouts: GAY!!!!! or SHOW US UR TITS!!!! etc. its lovely to find a place where every one is mature (but with a lovely dirty side).

Your welcome, FTA, I too was very suprised how friendly and mature this forum is given that it's content is bound to attract users of that ilk. Thankfully the forum rules and a vigilant LoveBot ensures everything stays cools. It's a really great place to feel safe enough to discuss things that can usually get some unhelpful responses or prejudices.

Ive also found it quite amazing what im willing to admit to liking and to see others likes of things just from people not knowing who i am. very freeing and comforting. X

Food for thought; Bottle of wine, the two of you looking through LoveHoney and just 'happen' to come across the anal toys. See if that kick-starts a conversation or at least plant a seed in her mind. Its a bit more subtle and less daunting for her, hope that helps.

You are right, there's no crudity (a word??) allowed on this site, although the female members of this site have been known to push those boundaries!

hehe but its always a bit more acceptable from females. never seems as crude than if it came from a bloke. lol

How does she feel about you using toys on her? If she isn't against the idea, then maybe you could start by introducing her to the toys. When she understands how good it feels then maybe she would feel more comfortable using toys on you. If she is willing to put her fingers there, I would assume she wouldn't be offended if you asked her to use a toy as she already is involved in anal play and knows that you enjoy it x

ExtraWrongMint wrote:

Tigerlilies wrote:

A toy provides quite a nice buffer that can make users feel more comfortable. So hopefully is she's cool with a finger a toy will be more than acceptable.

Umm, I've never been in that "position" so to speak but I think there is a risk that this isnt the case, Tigerlillies. I like your approach about asking his OH and so forth but it is apparent to me that toys could seem a bit daunting to handle from the point of view of FTA's OH. Maybe you're right and I'm jumping the gun, but I'm putting some lateral thinking out there nonetheless. So, speaking of buffers, I suggest that a jump straight into using a toy could queer the deal.

So, FTA, How's about you ask her to wear a rubber glove, like one of those latex ones that nurses wear? Perhaps even throw in a nurse or doctor costume for her. Even put your arm in a sling so you need to ask for help reaching down there. LOL! Or go fight-club style and just get out the marigolds (very domestic godess). Then, next time, bring a toy into the scene with some other props, along with her feather duster or stethoscope, depending on which theme you opt for (domestic godess Nigela Lawson or Dr Quim, medical woman).

You're absolutely right , Minty, (may I call you Minty?) the toy factor may be daunting, but if the only issue is reluctance to penetrate with a body part, it can be a great solution. The rubber glove is a good idea (safer too!) although in this case it sounds like FTA's OH is embracing the fingering san latex.

FTA, have you got any idea oh how she feels about toys? Has it come up in conversation before?

The costume idea may be a useful way for you both to look at a website or catalogue. Therefore you can see all the products on offer and discover what you both think of them, toys included.

And remember, if you buy a toy for yourself, it's only polite to buy a bundle for her!

ExtraWrongMint wrote:

Tigerlilies wrote:

You're absolutely right , Minty, (may I call you Minty?)

Only if I can call you Lil' Tigs.


If she's ok with using her fingers I'm sure she won't mind a toy. What are her opinions of sex toys overall, because that will affect it. these are great and come in a pack of two - his and hers!