A toy provides quite a nice buffer that can make users feel more comfortable. So hopefully is she's cool with a finger a toy will be more than acceptable.
Umm, I've never been in that "position" so to speak but I think there is a risk that this isnt the case, Tigerlillies. I like your approach about asking his OH and so forth but it is apparent to me that toys could seem a bit daunting to handle from the point of view of FTA's OH. Maybe you're right and I'm jumping the gun, but I'm putting some lateral thinking out there nonetheless. So, speaking of buffers, I suggest that a jump straight into using a toy could queer the deal.
So, FTA, How's about you ask her to wear a rubber glove, like one of those latex ones that nurses wear? Perhaps even throw in a nurse or doctor costume for her. Even put your arm in a sling so you need to ask for help reaching down there. LOL! Or go fight-club style and just get out the marigolds (very domestic godess). Then, next time, bring a toy into the scene with some other props, along with her feather duster or stethoscope, depending on which theme you opt for (domestic godess Nigela Lawson or Dr Quim, medical woman).
You're absolutely right , Minty, (may I call you Minty?) the toy factor may be daunting, but if the only issue is reluctance to penetrate with a body part, it can be a great solution. The rubber glove is a good idea (safer too!) although in this case it sounds like FTA's OH is embracing the fingering san latex.
FTA, have you got any idea oh how she feels about toys? Has it come up in conversation before?
The costume idea may be a useful way for you both to look at a website or catalogue. Therefore you can see all the products on offer and discover what you both think of them, toys included.
And remember, if you buy a toy for yourself, it's only polite to buy a bundle for her!