Hey Honeys,
Following my interesting conversation with @Wolf_in_White earlier, we thought it would be a really cool idea to write a blog post about asexuality and BDSM. Especially with June being Pride month, it’s a good time to talk about how we kink when sex or sexual activity isn’t the end goal.
As a service submissive myself, my greatest pleasure comes in serving my Dominant/s in ways that aren’t inherently sexual. Although sex can be a pleasure for asexuals and demisexuals (hello, hi!) alike, it isn’t our greatest pleasure. So, if you’re willing to contribute, how does kink and asexuality look for you? Or if you do, how do you otherwise enjoy your BDSM play where sexual activity isn’t the end goal?
Looking forward to hearing from you!
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Although we’re relatively new to BDSM impact play we’ve quickly moved away from any permanent link between the impact play and any sexual activity.
Most of our impact play sessions are discrete activities to be enjoyed for their own sake. She enjoys whipping or caning me and I enjoy being whipped or caned.
Just occasionally the impact play may be combined with me riding an anal dildo or may be followed by pegging but these are the exceptions rather than the norm.
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@Tenshadesandme - I agree with @rockstar - I regularly spank / cane my husband and then peg him but I rarely then allow sexual pleasure ( such as wank him off or allow him to penetrate me)
It builds up the tension and eventually I do allow his release- but that can be just once a month
@rockstar @batjamboree thankyou both for commenting. I think this is interesting because when i think about it, I think this is the same for Master and myself with impact/sensation play too, the powers that be take great delight in torturing me with an array of tickly and pointy things but it doesn’t always progress to sex. For us, I think BDSM is very psychological, him to feel in control of something, and me to feel like I’ve let go of control of life for a while. It’s rewarding for us both in that regard.
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To be honest i may fall into the asexual side of things lately.
From my past experiences and general bdsm experiences i would say im more than happy to have a bdsm relationship/dynamic without any sex involved.
I can have a lot of different feelings and enjoyment from being submissive and being praised etc.
Sex is completely separate but can still be a part if the mood takes us
Morning @Tenshadesandme, hope you’re having a lovely morning. Sorry, you’ve really hit on one of the things that really annoys and upsets me here.
No, no, no, no, no. Asexuals and demisexuals are not alike in this regard. Being a demisexual says absolutely nothing about how much sex I want, how much pleasure I get, or whether it is my greatest pleasure. All it says is about how I acquire partners and pre-requisites for sex, nothing more.
It is such a common misbelief. It’s peddled in all sorts of places online (although I have had success in removing some of it by discussing with well-meaning but incorrect site owners).
Demisexuals have a full range of desires, a full range of kinks. Sometimes we want sex, sometime not, just like typical sexual peeps. In this regard demisexuality is irrelevant.
So (assuming you are a demisexual) sex might not be your greatest pleasure, but please don’t make assumptions about whether it is mine (or indeed any other demisexuals), and please don’t be yet another blog post peddling a myth.
Thanks @Tenshadesandme. You can tell this is something that really gets to me. It’s made life harder for me on a few occasions, and it really shouldn’t. Love you xx
@KinkyMira my apologies, perhaps it was bad wording on my part. Indeed whilst demisexuals have prerequisites before feeling sexual attraction, we and asexuals alike can (and do) sometimes desire sex, and other times not. The difference between us and our asexual cousins is that they don’t feel sexual attraction towards people, whereas we do, if the connection is made. It does not, however, mean that asexuals don’t desire sex at all, and that is the misconception that needs clearing up. Also, some asexual people do enjoy BDSM, even without any sex involved. That’s all this post was about - BDSM without sex for people who might be interested in that - regardless of their sexual orientation.
I hope you’re having a lovely sunny Sunday honey 
xx
Thanks for this. I was going to reply, but I don’t want to derail your thread further.
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That’s no worries. My apologies for the scare again, I found out my Mum is going to need spinal surgery last week so I’ve probably not been to my usual standards as I’ve been worrying about ruining two homes while she recovers.