Thought this link may be good to share.
@Lovehoney_Brenna - may I suggest that this link (or an entire section devoted to such links) be added to the forum as a permanently-visible sticky (or whatever they call them here) ?
We could create a topic for helpful links?
If you want to create a topic with these links in I can attempt to use an Auto-bump
Please do, i think it may be helpful for people to know that these schemes exist. Thanks!
Whilst I understand there’s a need for schemes like these, it defeats the point if it’s advertised all over the news so that perpetrators are aware of the code words as well, and can make a situation much more dangerous.
It is much safer if possible for people to develop code words/phrases and a plan with people close to them (friends/families) which would be unknown to the perpetrator and others, so they can contact the appropriate emergency services.
I think the idea is that a victim can “go shopping” and get help away from the abuser. If it isn’t advertised how will people know? Personally i had no idea the police 999/55 scheme existed until recently, so making these things viral in my opinion is a good thing. It may also deter any abuser if they know these schemes exist to thwart them. I am not naive, i know abuse will always exist, but anything that can help should be applauded. Also many victims don’t have friends/family that they can exchange code words etc with as they have been purposely isolated from any family/friends support network.
I think it’s about it being advertised in the right places, rather than being plastered everywhere. It’s about letting the right people know, not just anyone (which is why you may not have heard of it until recently, as I presume you’re not in a situation to use it?). It’s not an easy thing to balance/achieve though.
I suppose it comes down to whether or not you think members of this forum would benefit from a daily reminder of these schemes?
Maybe if we add a note to the Links topic telling people how to bookmark the page? That way it is easily accessible from your favorites
Maybe add in some links to sites that help with mental health as well?
Well as we know from recently, these things can be useful.
Good idea, anything that can help with mental wellbeing, health etc
Agree, the more place you can find links to get help in these unfortunate situations is positive. Help library is a good start. When you are in these situations you are not thinking straight so the more places you can find help the better. Unfortunately we have seen how quickly it can develop & escalate.
Think we should also all remember that it is not only women who are abused, men are too! neither is acceptable in any way shape or form and the full weight of the law should be used against perpetrators! But first priority is to get the victim (and kids) safe!
I believe more thorough advice was given within the topic itself. I’m not sure just a link on auto-repeat has the same level of personal meaning?
But if you can flesh it out, and make it a full help and support page for a variety of issues then that sounds better.
Sorry if it wasn’t clear, I was purely commenting on this scheme. I think it’s great for other helpful information and advice contact details to be available to others.
Just to clarify, I did say in my original post that I understand there is a need for these types of schemes, and I can understand that they may help some people, and if they do then that’s great. My main issues with the ANI scheme are:
- Perpetrators of abuse (and everyone else in the country) now know the “secret” code word. It is no longer secret. It would have been better to advertise these on DA websites and information rolled out through schools/specific charities to the people who need to know them.
- This scheme could mean that abusers will now prevent a partner from being able to go to a chemist alone - this impacts on them being able to seek necessary healthcare.
- Staff at the Pharmacy may not be trained to deal with this topic specifically. There could also be cultural or religious views that impact on them feeling able to support/deal with it appropriately.
- Literally everyone knows, so it would be near on impossible to ask for ANI discreetly in an open pharmacy reception. This could lead, particularly in smaller villages etc, to information being leaked back to the perpetrator or others in the community.
I’m not saying its all bad, but I was just trying to raise awareness that there can be dangers associated with these types of schemes and I think the way they’ve gone about this one isn’t ideal. This is why I mentioned if people do have close friends/family then setting up code words with them would be a safer option if this is a possibility.
Refuge is a great organisation for domestic abuse in the UK - https://www.refuge.org.uk/. They have a 24/7 free phone line and a “exit/clear history” button on their page.
Re. the pros and cons of the scheme, I suppose one could argue that the “secret code word” part of it is irrelevant really, given that any pharmacy customer can ask to be seen in a private room simply on the grounds that they have a medical enquiry they don’t want the whole shop to hear. It strikes me that this would be a much simpler way of getting the ball rolling than using a specific code word, as it wouldn’t sound odd or arouse any suspicion amongst other customers.
Addressing some of the other reasons you’ve cited, though:
“Staff at the pharmacy may not be trained to deal with this topic” - surely the whole point of the scheme is that they are being trained for exactly this.
“There could also be cultural or religious views that impact on them feeling able to support/deal with it appropriately.” - Really? I don’t get this one. As far as I can see it, any person who cites their cultural or religious views as any kind of justification for failing to assist a victim of abuse doesn’t deserve to be in their job!
Re. the “small villages” question: well no, I don’t imagine that any abuse victim who lives in a small community is going to want to report it in their local shop. Anyone wanting to take advantage of the scheme would most likely be heading for a pharmacy in a town where they’re not known to all and sundry.
As for close friends and family: yes, for some people this would be the better option, but there are just as many abuse sufferers for whom their family members and/or friends group are the last people on earth they want to tell. For such people, this scheme could be a lifeline.
In the end, I guess it just goes to show that there’s two sides to every question.
Good link! Why not add it to the “Helpful links” topic, where it won’t disappear into forum history?
Regarding close friends and family…
As a queer woman who is still living with (thankfully nonviolent) homophobic family, I feel I should point out that it’s not only partners who can be the perpetrators of domestic abuse. Abusive families can isolate someone to the degree that they do not have any family or friends to turn to.
Schemes like this are useful because not all abusers recognises themselves as abusive, or think their victims will seek help, and not all victims have someone else to turn to. The sceme won’t work for some victims, but for other’s it definitely could.
I still have to learn more about how to control my link to this site on certain links but my sister in law was just murdered /suiside on Tuesday in Deptford N.J. USA i love to think it could have been prevented who’s to know but Brenna i. Love to have more time to contribute to this community i know i can be an member worthy i just need some practice at the forum
Sorry to hear that