Becoming Swingers

I wanted to ask you lovely people advice on approaching the subject of becoming swingers to my wife. We have had a couple of threesomes a while back but with people we knew well who were interested in getting together. This to me, would be different.

She is an amazing lady and is very open to new things in our sex life. We have been together over 28 years and there isn’t really anything I would be afraid to discuss with her but this is slightly different.

I am quite keen to engage with swingers and would love to take part in a swingers sex party but don’t know how to approach this with her. I don’t want her to think I just want to have sex with other women when that’s not the case but I believe it would be an exciting new addition to our sex life together.

Any active swingers out there (i realise that would have been difficult if not impossible over the last year but you know what I mean) that can advise on how they brought it up, when they started, their first experience etc etc.

It’s not a deal breaker and if she said flat out no way then I wouldn’t bring it up again.


You talk about threesomes in the past, was that MMF or MFF this may be the way to bring it up in conversation. 2 males in the past, did she enjoy it and want to do it again or 2 females, you have not experienced 2 men would you like that? As you have said if she is not 150% interested you must forget it. You have been committed for 28 years, you don’t want to lose that.


There’s a sex hotel in the Midlands with a swinger’s club attached to it. I imagine the swinger’s part is closed however you could talk about or visit the hotel and see if the swinger’s part is of interest to your wife?

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The best way to approach it is to sit down with your wife when you both have some time, no interruptions and when neither of you are horny and just suggest it.

You can either use the your previous threesomes as a starting point or say you’ve recently seen something about swingers parties and it sounded appealing to you.

Set out what the appeal is for you and what you would ultimately like to happen (ie do you just want to have sex with her while others are around or are you looking for threesomes, foursomes, moresomes or are you looking to partner swap or do you want to watch her with others etc). And see what she says. Then give her some time to think on what you’ve said.

Also, please don’t make sweeping generalisations about gender. If your partner of 28 years misunderstands your intentions, that’s either a communication failure on your part or linked to a previous issue. Either way it’s not because women are complicated.


I’m sorry but it was intended as a joke. Thank you for the comprehensive advice.

I’ve just edited it out to save anyone offence but again it was just a light hearted comment.

All I can advise is to be open with her and talk about it to see what her views are on the idea :slightly_smiling_face:

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I always value your comments @Calie , they are always well constructed and thought though.


Try listening to a few pod cast together like that couple next door and others and main thing is to tell her that this is something you would both of you to try and the main thing is that you’re up front with her good luck to both of you

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