Hi all been away trying to male my relationship work
My higher sex drive and i like bdsm and anal play was to much for her what should i do any help please
I'm assuming you have talked things through.
if your trying to stay together there needs to be a compromise. For example an understanding that you will masturbate and use but plugs to pleasure yourself when she is not in the mood. As for other aspects im not sure how you can resolve things.
If she finds it a turn on to watch you do stuff she is not into then this might be way of pleasing both of you. Ultimately you have got to work things out between you, if you can. If you can't then don't feel guilty, we all like different things and we don't all share the same sexual fantasies.
Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
feel free to come back with specific questions if you have them
Welcome back, I'm a little confused with the way you worded this but if anal play was too much for her could it have been any particular toy you were using/not enough lube/not enough warm up? Some people just don't like anal so if that's one of her limits respect that and talk to her about what she is willing to try and not try :)
if you have already done that and the outcome hasn't changed then maybe you two just aren't compatible sexually if your fantasies and tastes are complete opposites and you can't find a middle ground to compromise.
I enjoy using toys on myself plugs prostate masagers and i like her to domonate me im more adventures sexualy than her and i think my likes are to out there as she called me weired we love each other very much but its caused us to split amounst other things oh and she hates it if i masterbate she thinks i shouldnt have to do it
Was she feeling somewhat left out a little?
That's a bit unfair of her to expect you not to masturbate. That's a thing you've chosen to share with her, and you don't have to do it in front of her you could just go off in private to your own space, like in the shower or wherever. For her to say that you shouldn't *need* it is a bit like saying people don't need food or water...actually yes they do, and if you have different sex drives what is she expecting you to do when she's not in the mood?! Read a book???
sorry for the rant, but if I were her, I'd be seriously trying to up my game in the bedroom so I didn't lose out to another woman!
For her to say you're wierd, is also very judgemental...
a question for you- aside from sex, are there other areas in your relationship where she is unwilling to compromise? If there's a lot of giving from you and taking from her, it isn't very fair, not to mention not healthy for a relationship.
I could be completely wrong, and feel free to say so, but think it's important you don't give up too much of yourself to please your OH if they're not willing to please you too.
Dnt get me wrong she tryed bdsm and prostate massage but isnt willing to do it often just sometimes ive had to put all the toys and things out of the way we still have normal passionet sex the way she likes but i only get what i like when the mood takes her the sex is still amazing dnt get me wrong but im kinky and would like it more often
Purring-Pussy wrote:
Was she feeling somewhat left out a little?
I should've expanded my post a little......
Does your wife feel left out and is why she said that you don't need to masterbate?
Often some folk will feel left out, unloved, that masterbating is wrong, a whole heap of reasons. Perhaps she has used it as an excuse as to why she wanted to split.
Is it at all possible to get together with her to chat?
hornycouple30 wrote:
Dnt get me wrong she tryed bdsm and prostate massage but isnt willing to do it often just sometimes ive had to put all the toys and things out of the way we still have normal passionet sex the way she likes but i only get what i like when the mood takes her the sex is still amazing dnt get me wrong but im kinky and would like it more often
If you want the relationship work, you may have to compromise with her.
hornycouple30 wrote:
Dnt get me wrong she tryed bdsm and prostate massage but isnt willing to do it often just sometimes ive had to put all the toys and things out of the way we still have normal passionet sex the way she likes but i only get what i like when the mood takes her the sex is still amazing dnt get me wrong but im kinky and would like it more often
It's a good sign that she is into trying the things you like, her sex drive could be lower than yours and if she likes having passionate sex then maybe that is more about having a connection with you rather than solely for pleasure? I think if she'll try it occasionally then that's better than none at all but if she isn't fulfilling your needs you could try and put her into the mood by focusing on turning her on enough for her to want to do the things you like. Relationships are give and take, I hope you can find a compromise!
I have given everything ive compramised with her.on everything to the point that i put my needs aside altogether we have tryed to talk but now she says its over
hornycouple30 wrote:
I have given everything ive compramised with her.on everything to the point that i put my needs aside altogether we have tryed to talk but now she says its over
If you consider your desires for outre lovemaking an integral part of your relationship needs thats probably for the best.
Its easy to read these forums and assume that the majority of the population have partners that are regularly getting sexy time by women wearing a strap on whilst being trussed up in intricate rope work that would tax a veteran sailor. However its worth remembering that this is after all, a forum on a site devoted to sex toys.
My first post here was to enquire whether it was a good idea for my first purchase to be a double penetration dildo when my wife had only indulged in light anal play.
The advice given by seasoned members was a definite no. And as much as it pains me to say they were right!
As others have said relationships are about compromise. If you want BDSM to be a fundamental part of your relationship, maybe you should ensure that your next partner shares the same desires.
In all honesty it sounds like the lady was willing to indulge your fantasies but not on a regular basis, her preference being for "normal passionet sex the way she likes" whilst "i only get what i like when the mood takes her".
I might get shot down by my opinion but that sounds pretty reasonable to me.
Perhaps check the thread on Fetlife? I am in no way saying that you should curb your desires if they are a fundamental aspect of what you want in a realationship. However I do believe that you may come across this issue again with a lot of prospective partners.
Best of luck.
macspants wrote:
hornycouple30 wrote:
I have given everything ive compramised with her.on everything to the point that i put my needs aside altogether we have tryed to talk but now she says its over
If you consider your desires for outre lovemaking an integral part of your relationship needs thats probably for the best.
Its easy to read these forums and assume that the majority of the population have partners that are regularly getting sexy time by women wearing a strap on whilst being trussed up in intricate rope work that would tax a veteran sailor. However its worth remembering that this is after all, a forum on a site devoted to sex toys.
My first post here was to enquire whether it was a good idea for my first purchase to be a double penetration dildo when my wife had only indulged in light anal play.
The advice given by seasoned members was a definite no. And as much as it pains me to say they were right!
As others have said relationships are about compromise. If you want BDSM to be a fundamental part of your relationship, maybe you should ensure that your next partner shares the same desires.
In all honesty it sounds like the lady was willing to indulge your fantasies but not on a regular basis, her preference being for "normal passionet sex the way she likes" whilst "i only get what i like when the mood takes her".
I might get shot down by my opinion but that sounds pretty reasonable to me.
Perhaps check the thread on Fetlife? I am in no way saying that you should curb your desires if they are a fundamental aspect of what you want in a realationship. However I do believe that you may come across this issue again with a lot of prospective partners.
Best of luck.
^^^^^ give that man a round of applause 
Its not an integral part of what was our realationship but i dnt think i should have to comprimise to a point were my desires are all but forgoten about
When she did try it was only once or twice now she wont come near i think its abit selfish to have your own way in the bedroom for 9 years and when i asked to try something diffrent its tryed a couple of times now she wnt touch me and its over i dnt think im being unreasonable am i?
Compromise isn't compromise if one partner gives more than the other.
It sounds like she's simply come to the conclusion that it isn't her thing. Lots of couples aren't always compatible in the bedroom and over time it's harder to suppress natural desires, as a result the relationship takes a hit. I met a guy recently who was separated from his wife of 17 years for a couple of reasons but a big one that had just continued to grow was that he wanted to experiment with sex and be more dominant and she wasn't having it.
It isn't fair of her to have it all her own way, it's entirely normal to masturbate and it's judgemental of her to call your desires weird but she has a right to call it a day if she isn't happy..especially if you've talked and tried to salvage it..sex is a major part of a relationship for a lot of people (not all but alot) and if it doesn't work it causes big problems.
It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise as you should be able to enjoy a varied sex life with a partner rather than get frustrated. Sadly it sounds as though you've both grown and changed over the 9 years and the relationship has run its course.
I hope that turns out not to be the case but if so, I believe we learn the lesson from the situation and move forward with positivity. There are plenty of open minded ladies out there! :-)
hornycouple30 wrote:
Its not an integral part of what was our realationship but i dnt think i should have to comprimise to a point were my desires are all but forgoten about
When she did try it was only once or twice now she wont come near i think its abit selfish to have your own way in the bedroom for 9 years and when i asked to try something diffrent its tryed a couple of times now she wnt touch me and its over i dnt think im being unreasonable am i?
Perhaps there are other reasons. All I can suggest is try and talk if you want to get back together, but don't dive straight in with sex talk. Get your relationship back on track first, if she is willing, stick to the passionate sex with her, then talk to her about your needs.
Good luck
Thank you some really good words of advice here its a shame we have ended this way as it was a great 9 years with three stunning kids i thiught she was the one woman i could speak to about my desires and fantacys but now she says ive changed too much againg thank youLadybette wrote:
Compromise isn't compromise if one partner gives more than the other.
It sounds like she's simply come to the conclusion that it isn't her thing. Lots of couples aren't always compatible in the bedroom and over time it's harder to suppress natural desires, as a result the relationship takes a hit. I met a guy recently who was separated from his wife of 17 years for a couple of reasons but a big one that had just continued to grow was that he wanted to experiment with sex and be more dominant and she wasn't having it.It isn't fair of her to have it all her own way, it's entirely normal to masturbate and it's judgemental of her to call your desires weird but she has a right to call it a day if she isn't happy..especially if you've talked and tried to salvage it..sex is a major part of a relationship for a lot of people (not all but alot) and if it doesn't work it causes big problems.
It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise as you should be able to enjoy a varied sex life with a partner rather than get frustrated. Sadly it sounds as though you've both grown and changed over the 9 years and the relationship has run its course.
I hope that turns out not to be the case but if so, I believe we learn the lesson from the situation and move forward with positivity. There are plenty of open minded ladies out there! :-)
Thank you some really good words of advice here its a shame we have ended this way as it was a great 9 years with three stunning kids i thiught she was the one woman i could speak to about my desires and fantacys but now she says ive changed too much againg thank youLadybette wrote:
Compromise isn't compromise if one partner gives more than the other.
It sounds like she's simply come to the conclusion that it isn't her thing. Lots of couples aren't always compatible in the bedroom and over time it's harder to suppress natural desires, as a result the relationship takes a hit. I met a guy recently who was separated from his wife of 17 years for a couple of reasons but a big one that had just continued to grow was that he wanted to experiment with sex and be more dominant and she wasn't having it.It isn't fair of her to have it all her own way, it's entirely normal to masturbate and it's judgemental of her to call your desires weird but she has a right to call it a day if she isn't happy..especially if you've talked and tried to salvage it..sex is a major part of a relationship for a lot of people (not all but alot) and if it doesn't work it causes big problems.
It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise as you should be able to enjoy a varied sex life with a partner rather than get frustrated. Sadly it sounds as though you've both grown and changed over the 9 years and the relationship has run its course.
I hope that turns out not to be the case but if so, I believe we learn the lesson from the situation and move forward with positivity. There are plenty of open minded ladies out there! :-)
Maybe you have but maybe she's changed too and she doesn't realise it. Change is good but two people rarely change together at the same time. It is a shame, it's always sad if a relationship has to end but after some time you may end up happier knowing you can truly be yourself.
Change is one thing she hates funily enough its still early days so im happy to focus on myself and my kids it will be hard to get used too after being with someone so longLadybette wrote:
Maybe you have but maybe she's changed too and she doesn't realise it. Change is good but two people rarely change together at the same time. It is a shame, it's always sad if a relationship has to end but after some time you may end up happier knowing you can truly be yourself.