Okay so bare with me I'm dyslexic so apologies in advance I have a always secretly wanted to be dominated spanked pinned down restrained the idea of nipple clamps turn me on so much.but I have crazy low self-esteem and have never found the confidence to talk about this I have been with my partner for a over 8 years now and it's get hard to not give in to these fantasy. he spanked me once a few weeks ago and in my head I was just screaming for more I really need to try this but how do i go about it how do I approached him if he is okay with trying some stuff out were do we begin I made a joke about him dominating me he just did a kind of awkward laugh and it was never brought up again but I'm getting so frustrated i really have this crazy need lately to try some stuff out
You need to sit down with him when you both have time and neither of you are horny and have an open discussion. You could start with telling him you really enjoyed when he spanked you and maybe tell him what you liked about it and that you would like to try some more and how would he feel about that.
Or you could say you were browsing the internet and came across some restraints or a paddle and its stuck in your brain. Or you could say you saw it in porn or read it in a book (whatever is going to work for you).
You don't necessarily need to use words like "dominate". It might be that he is receptive to the concept, but by spelling out that you want to be dominated, he may feel pressure or a bit intimidated (like a Dom is in control so should know everything and be able to plan everything, which isn't actually true. It can be fun to plan a play time together).
Give him a chance to think about it though. Don't panic if he doesn't automatically jump at the idea, he may just need to consider what he wants, what he likes etc.
Oh you poor dear. I probably like you are a natural submissive femail in the bedroom. It didn't start out like that in the early yrs and it just developed. I found role play was a great way. You could to start with go with his fantasy and go the extra mile for him. Then for your role play talk to him what you expect but keep it light . Tell him how you want to be tied paddled. Give him some pegs for your nipples and labia. Take it slow and talk him through. Kneel before him. Call him sir. Get him in the zone. He will think it's all his idea lol. Then iexperiment further Look through the Love Honey BDSM with him . I hope this helps you sweetie. Xx❤
Speaking as a man, it can be intimidating to be with a woman who wants to be dominated - whether it is through power play or physical play. Culture today is chock full of examples of men being villified for being too dominant to the women, and other men, in their life.
For me, a man who both likes to occassionally be dominated but also married to a women who likes to BE domminated, a good place to start would be, as stated above, a real sit down conversation. It can be difficult when you have low self-esteem to put yourself out there and feel vulnerable but a reassuring talk might be just what you two need. He would probably need to be reassured that you two are equals in the relationship and that what happens in the bedroom doesn't necessarily spill out into the day-to-day relationship; that you can be submissive in bed but not hold it against him outside of that.
He may also just not be into kink as a sexual language. Knowing what his sexual blueprint is (sensual, kink, energetic, etc...) might help you two explore what each of you needs so that neither of you end up feeling starved (like you seem to be now). Your talk doesn't need to jump straight to sex - maybe warm up with a general talk about how the relatinoship is going and how comforatble you feel in it. Then you can move on to each other's hot spots in the bedroom. Reassurance that he has the permission to dominate you equalizes the fear he may have of pushing things too far. Maybe you'll get exactly the dynamic you're looking for.
It’s sometimes difficult for us guys to separate out treating women as equals and being respectful in our everyday lives, and bringing out the dominant behaviour in the bedroom. In essence, I only found I could do this by establishing consent in advance for particular kinks during play. We filled out BDSM quizzes / contracts to work out where my sub’s boundaries lay (found online) and now I can command her in the knowledge that I have her prior consent to go there. Taking a dominating role without knowing the boundaries (hard and soft limits) is disempowering, can a bit of a gamble at best, and is potentially unsafe at worst. Communication & care is key to this kind of play. If you can be really open & honest about this, there’s so much fun to be had!
You gotta talk, if you don't ask you won't get.