Does anyone else ever feel that they are being lied to in a relationship and always made out to be the one in the wrong?
yes after having my children my body isn't the same as it was and I get tired. I'm also working a full time job.
The thing is I caught my oh messaging other people but deleting before I could see what was said, I'm not talking 1 message! So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Yet he continues to do it and dies the think I've noticed that one in particular is constant and to me it's obvious that more has happened 😒
I think you need to challenge him as to what he is upto. If it's innocent then he will happily show you.
In a relationship both parties should open to each other and not have secrets that are likely to upset the other.I know if I did something like that it would upset my Mrs .
I caught my pervious partner messaging other woman and it was crushing, i found out when i looked at his phone because it kept going off while he was asleep (we both checked each others phones all the time, not in a untrusting way but because we had so much trust) I had also noticed he had tried to delete the messages.
We had a long convo about it and i found out that he simply enjoyed sexting, If i was you I would talk to him about it, being open and honest is so important in a relationship and if my partner was honest with me it would have saved a lot of heartache.
i don't want to make you jump to conclusions but I have experienced a very similar situation in the past and it causes a fight that caused our break up. He was starting to loose interest in sex (and I was trying to initiate it but he didn't feel like it). I knew he was starting to speak a lot with a girl but didn't mind because I am not a jalous person. Then I found out that he was deleting their conversations, and when I brought it up he said it was because he know I wouldn't like what they were saying to each other. One thing led to another, after a fight after the situation had gone too far, we broke up, and he ended up fucking her.
After getting out of that relationship I realised how bad and toxic it was.
My ex was showing me something in his pc game once and sent me a screen shot, totally missing the fact he had a chat window to another girl open and had just sent a message saying "i love you". he claimed he meant to send it to me and had told her he didnt mean it, i asked him to screen shot and show me but he said he couldn't as she had now gone offline and he closed the chat window and didn't have it set to save chats. In the following days i asked him to start a chat with her, bring it up and explain it wasnt meant for her and show me but he never did. She was a girl he nearly dated before me who lived in his area while i was long distance, and a few days later after my request he delete her as a friend since he claimed they hardly ever talked, to prove he wasn't cheating, he suddenly got a new chat ID and switched to just using it on his phone not his pc and deleted me off his old ID straight away. I always suspected he re added her (he'd linked his old ID to something else so i could see his friends list while i was an added contact) and kept me on one ID on his phone and her on another on his PC so he didn't mess up again. Previous to that i'd never believed in a million years he could ever cheat physically or emotionally knowing what previous partners had done to him, i chose to stay with him out of love but it would pop up in my mind every now and then, even after he moved half the country away with his family and i was sure he was no longer in contact with her. I don't think he ever met up with her after we got together but emotional cheating is just as bad imo, and it always tore me apart after that, especially as if he'd admitted it and chosen just one of us and it had been me i would have forgiven him, since it was early on in our relationship and i know he'd had feelings for her, i even told him that.
Look, I am not trying to upset you... but where there is smoke there is the start of a fire minimum.
If your marriage is not where it needs to be and this is your husband, father of your children and you love this man dig in and try to fix it. Reconnect as a couple, go on date nights, work on your communication.
These messages may just be about him seeking attention / flirtation and excitement but it is NOT OK and is a slippy slope to cheating physically.
You stated you have lost body confience since havign children. I went through the same thing, my OH was still attracted to me but I was not confident in myself. Work thought this as a couple. Too tired to be intimate, I also get it... been there but at least explain it so he understands you are not rejecting him.
I am grasping at braod topics here and there could be more going on here but DO NOT ingore this, in my book you will get more paranoid, loose more confidence and get resentful and a void will grow.
Do you have any idea who he is messaging? If you have a joint account check the number. While you may not want to do that, knowledge is poiwer in my life so I would.
Best of luck here and I hope some of this is helpful.
Thanks everyone for your advice. The problem I have is that when I've asked him about it it gets turned around on me having the problem. Not trusting him etc, surely if there is nothing to hide then it's not an issue?
Well it does look to me like he has something to hide. I really don't like what you are describing. I don't know everything about your relationship so I hope it is a good and healthy one but this makes it appear as a toxic relationship.
I don't know what you can do about it but I really hope you sort this out together :) good luck with that
If he is hiding it then you need to find out exactly what he's hiding. Any other signs of say an affair.?. Perfume on his clothing or Cologne you don, t recognise .Unexpected over time making him late ? No appetite for sex?
I know it's not pleasant but yiu need smoething more tangible to get it out into b the open and then talk about it and try and come to some sort of agreement eg given a second chance.
Sounds like a bad situation. I agree , dig in and fix it. You have to try to be firm. If you're not capable of that, explain to him why you are afraid and that you don't want things to fall apart. Maybe he needs to be reminded what's at stake.
I would challenge him on it. I personally would think that deleting it means that he does not want you to see it. There could be few reasons for it. One that he is flirting with someone else or doing sex texts with her. Or like one of my male friends did (and we are just really friends), he had some doubts about the sex life between him and his wife and needed an eye and he trusted me more than most friends - after I admited to him I post here. It was not sex texts, but him getting frustration out and asking some advise on few topics.
And he did not want his wife to know, since their marriage is not in good shape and the bad sex life is just one of several reasons. The other is he is Asian and it was pretty much arrange for him and they struggled all the way for years, as I found out.