Body horror

My partner had a comedy moment with a mirror and has been making jokes about her bits, we’ve talked about how the jokes seem to be a cover for some very difficult feelings about how she looks down there and I’ve tried to reassure her about it.

Has anyone else had a similar feeling? If so, did it last long and how did you learn to love your genitals (what a pleasant word…)?

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My wife, at 68 years old, had never seen her genitalia and, due to her Catholic upbringing, was reluctant to touch them apart from the necessary hygiene requirements so I started by taking close up photos so that she could see exactly what her vagina looks like and she seemed happy and relieved by their appearance. To overcome her reluctance to touch herself I started by placing her fingers alongside mine when I was stroking her and gradually encouraged her to take over. She still prefers to use toys to masturbate but, if I ask nicely, she will use her fingers to get herself to orgasm.

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@Ian_Chimp will help me here, because he is a clever sausage and I have a headache and am standing guard over a cake that refuses to cook through (wobbling like a pair of boobies). I digress.
There is an art installation somewhere that shows a 100 or so different foofs.
It helped me to realise most of us don’t look like porn stars.

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Here you go: :slightly_smiling_face:

And the other two: Breasts | Penises

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Can you sort out my damn vanilla sponge too?

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Hi @FindingLibido, I have the same issue and I’m still working on it. I’m getting better in that I’m not horrified by it anymore but I wouldn’t say that I’m very comfortable with it and generally try not to look. I have a book that a counsellor gave me which is similar to the exhibition that @Ian_Chimp linked to and has lots of photographs of different women’s vulvas, if I can find it I’ll let you know what it’s called. I don’t seem to have a problem with looking at other people’s, I just don’t like the thought of having one myself! I’m not sure if it is to do with how it looks so much as what it is and what it represents. I’m not sure if that makes any sense though, it’s just how I feel. I don’t think I’ve been much help but wanted to say that your wife is not alone x

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Womanhood, the Bare Reality is the Laura Dodsworth book of 100 vaginas. It is an excellent book and is available on Amazon.

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Very informative article @Ian_Chimp, it’s uplifting to see real vagina’s there of all varieties, shapes and sizes.

I quite liked my vagina until one ex said "wow you’ve actually got some proper lips to play with here, this is amazing’ I possibly should of taken it as a compliment as I think that’s what he liked but for me it gave me a complex.

I couldn’t help but look at other girls/women’s vaginas and see that the ones I was looking at were all extremely tiny, nothing hanging down/out, shaved and just well a bit too perfect so to speak. That’s probably when I seek out porn when in the mood it has to be real/amateur couples as often what you see is what you get.

Even when I’ve had sex with women or watched couples (INRL)… there hasn’t been that many… they all have seemed to have smaller lips or hardly any at all but they never reacted to me own, only in a good way…

If it hadn’t been for that comment it probably would not of even crossed my mind or have affected me as much. I do say I am happy enough now today and it gives me a lot of pleasure so for that I’m grateful :relaxed:

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Though she never really joked about it, my OH has some body confidence issues and specifically about her lady bits. It took a while, but letting her know I thought she looked great. Also, complimenting her and showing enthusiasm while giving her OS seems to have helped with how she feels about her bits specifically.

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I have hypopigmentation around mine and my very inner thighs. When I noticed it, it really did affect my confidence. I didn’t want a new partner thinking I had something wrong etc or talking about it with anyone etc. So I would prefer to have lights off and all that.

I think due to being in a long term relationship it doesn’t really bother me anymore. My partner doesn’t think anything of it and I forget tbh because I don’t see it :laughing:

But everyone has different shapes, sizes and colour too. I do think looking online can help people realise this :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thanks everyone for your links and sharing your experiences and thoughts.

She keeps joking about it but with a frequency that seems to reflect the fact it is freaking her out a little.

Part of it is the GD miracle of pregnancy is changing her body more and more each time and while the increased sensitivity and powerful orgasms have been welcome for her, the visual effect is less welcome.

We’ve talked about it and the hope is that this self consciousness won’t effect her enjoyment of sex and I still try and gently reassure her about her sexiness.

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