It may not be you that's the problem although I can see why your concerned. As you say she is busy doing all the wife duties as you put it and she might be knackared. Sometimes a night off from being a mum doesn't mean your full of energy and good to go. Trust me my child has gone to their grandmothers and I'm just thankful for an early night ..... to sleep !
Also you don't need to feel sexy and attractive for your dildo but in personal experience if I'm not feeling fresh energised and sexy then I realy don't fancy a session with my partner. Maybe that's why she turns to a toy and not you ?
Speak to her but carefully. Don't make her feel obliged or like she is wronge but try and speak in a supportive way. Tell her how you feel and ask her why things are different and if she needs anything from you ? Maybe try and buy her some sexy undies ? I know when I get new undies I feel super sexy and can't wait to get them on.
It's not impossible to come back from this. I have been that woman who loves her man but by the end of the day needs that sexual realease but just Dosent feel sexy enough for sex. Plus with a toy you please yourself clean it and go to sleep. With a partner it's not as quick and simple.
Hope things get back on track for you x
Hey JoJo, thanks for taking the time to write a comprehensive answer.
Can I ask how old your child(ren) is/.are? Ours are early teens and late primary - we've done the hard bit from the point of view of haviing to run around after them all the time and are now into the nagging phase: do your homework, clean your room, put your washing in the basket, etc. Whilst that is far from sexy it is also a lot less knackering than getting up in the middle of the night 4 times to clean up vomit, settle a child, etc. A lot of the childcare does fall to my wife because she's there for them more than I am Monday to Friday but almost all of my weekend is spent doing stuff for my kids, I honestly think I do my share for them - and we have a lovely house in a beautiful village thanks in no small way to my efforts at work.
I feel like I'm making too much effort or being too decent if I am honest. A few weeks back she had an argument with my daughter that got out of hand and resulted in her storming off in a huff. Over the next few hours her anger boiled up and got directed at me. I took the kids out of the situation only to get a text message saying she was going to stay with "a friend" for a few days which in the end turned out to only be one night - I had no idea where or who she was with. That day was my birthday. Adding it all together I feel quite lonely.