Bums

I like bums as the next person and I truly understand that men do look when we're not with them but please tell me if I'm maybe being out of order or paranoid but my boyfriend looks at ladies bottoms when I'm with as well which I'm trying to deal with but when he actually moves him self and looks though me to actually check this girls bottom out I felt so shit about my whole body no apology at all and like what can I have some advice plz or am I being silly :(

He's being a bit insensitive if he is actually moving to look at other girls' bottoms. Have you brought it up and said 'when you do that, it makes me feel insecure and like my body is not enough for you'. Maybe he honestly didnt realise. And if he knows hes doing it you can say its not on and to stop.

I don't personally see much wrong with it, though if you feel that way you should let him know. That being said, it wouldn't hurt to work on how you feel about your body as even if he does stop looking at other people, the problem will still be there.

Doesn't say sorry just laughs and says com on her bottom was lush really nope I didn't here no sorry baby he's answer is I like woman's bottoms it's other littie things as boobs says that's a perfect boobs on telly in town I have small boobs and I battled with an weight and food issue that was in fact hurting me but than he helped me thou my disorder and no he's looks at boobs and bottoms I don't want to sound winiey or ungrateful but I'm inside struggling and there's other littie thing he does or doesn't do I'm putting on a brave face and yes he knows I love him and he says he loves me only says it when he drinks I haven't heard say those words in day to day and I do everything for him sexually mentenly and there no matter what sorry to rant on but I feel that I'm really not good enough or he's broad of me x he knows I've been in abuive relationships and bad ones when he's in that lovely mood he's amazing couldn't fulit him at all than I don't see him for a week am I going mad or am I paranoid

Us men aren't the most subtle. Probably thought he went un-noticed too!

Pardon the pun, but personally, I think he's being a bit of an arse. If he knows your background, knows your insecurities, he should be more considerate. When he's with you, he should be with you and not eyeing up other women's bums.
I mean, I love a nice ass on a woman, but I wouldn't dream of copping an eyeful of a passing woman's behind when I'm with my OH, at least unless she's enjoying the view too, since she identifies as bisexual. But she's also battling with her weight and already has her own insecurities about how she looks, not helped at all by her family.
Us men are simple creatures and our eyes can be drawn to things that pique our interest. But that's not to say we lack self-control or a sense of propriety. If your beau cares for you, he should at least keep his ogling confined to times when he can enjoy it, without making you feel worse about yourself. Considering your brief description of your history, you need someone now who makes you feel confident in yourself and in whom you can trust to be there for you and to help you to put behind you the difficult times you've had. Maybe there is a bit of paranoia creeping in regarding his behaviour, but again, your history has made you that way and he needs to understand how unsettling his behaviour is to you.

Thank you every one for your help and advice I am trying to deal with my own issues but it hard tbh and I'm doing my best books conilling talking but it seems to creep in but once again thank you

Personally, I feel like he's being disrespectful, especially if he goes as far as to look through you to check out another girl. I just don't see how this can be okay. It's fine to have an appreciation for the opposite sex's body but not at the expense of your loved one's feelings and self esteem. I'm just perplexed because he can help you through your food and weight issues, which means that he knows about them and yet, he does things like that to add on to your self doubt. : / I don't get it.

You shouldn't have to struggle so much just so that he can have his selfish moments of self indulgence. This is obviously an issue for you, so do bring him up to him in all seriousness and tell him how much it bothers you. I don't think it's unreasonable at all to ask him to stop checking out girl's butts when he has a perfectly wonderful and sexy woman standing right next to him.

I'm sorry if I come off as judgemental but his insensitivity really ticks me off.

like he is desrespectful and insensitive. Try having another words with tell him straight to point how you feel and if he does want to look to make sure he not going out of his way or moving he whole body to look.the problem is all men look and women do to it but he needs to more subtle if it's upsetting you. Maybe a small word asking to be very discreet around you as it upsets you. .the laughter could be nervousness and not phsyically realsing what he doing to get a look is making it obvious.He clearly idolized you as he helped you with your problem this could be solved maybe just sit down calm talk .suggestion n maybe buying Sun glasses that'you can't see his eyes (this helped us out)

Do you not check out hot looking guys? He`s only looking,it`s human nature! He COULD be more subtle,but he`d still look! Me and my OH were recently parked by a gym and just as a woman in tight lycra walked in with buns of steel,my wife said `Eyes right sunshine` before i`d had chance to look,cos she knew it was an admirable bum and that i`d check it out on the sly! We had a laugh as i lied that i hadn`t notied it! Best to laugh these things of!

(To lighten the controversy-laced mood: Having a seriously annoying headache and not being able to fully concentrate, I mis-read the title, thinking it said "Burns". Admittedly, I was a bit surprised that someone had started a thread on the Bard of Ayrshire... )

Ah, all blokes look, but i never make it obvious if with the OH. She will occasionally point out a nice pair of boobs to me and then i might look, but i wouldnt ever move to get a good look when with her. Best you have a word really, and if he doesnt care enough to keep it to himself then that surely asks other questions?

WillC wrote:

Do you not check out hot looking guys? He`s only looking,it`s human nature! He COULD be more subtle,but he`d still look! Me and my OH were recently parked by a gym and just as a woman in tight lycra walked in with buns of steel,my wife said `Eyes right sunshine` before i`d had chance to look,cos she knew it was an admirable bum and that i`d check it out on the sly! We had a laugh as i lied that i hadn`t notied it! Best to laugh these things of!

That's all very well if you have the self-confidence to laugh it off and make light of it. Not so easy to do, I'm guessing, if you've had abusive relationships in the past and have a low self-esteem.

Maybe,but by being paranoid and making an issue of it,you are doing more harm than good.

Have you talked to him to say how it makes you feel? He might not understand that it's more than just "she doesn't like me looking at other women"

Wouldnt really say hes doing anything wrong as such but if it makes you feel bad about yourself then he should stop doing it. Obviously you have to be careful to try and not read into things but equally he should meet you half way and at least look less

Hes not looking at other womens bums and boobs and wishing you had the same, hes just looking at them as you would a painting or anything else attrractive. Its generally no more than that for most guys. Hes chosen to be with you and im sure he finds you very attractive. Remember, you cant see when hes checking out your bum!

Briona87 wrote:

I mis-read the title, thinking it said "Burns". Admittedly, I was a bit surprised that someone had started a thread on the Bard of Ayrshire... )

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