Hi Can anyone offer me some advice/tips of prehaps youve experienced the same :)
During sex or sometimes foreplay I clam up and just cant relax resulting in drying up and going off having sex...
Its getting me down now I dont wanna keep pushing my boyfriend away while he is being supportive. ?
I think it coukd be down to few things
1.my body confidence
2. Experience of tearing
3. Never having the place to our selfs ..parents at home
Help!
Try a relaxing bath and massage first to relax you
Sorry forgot to add we dont live together, we only see each other on the weekends for few hours evening time x
What do you do when it happens? It's most likely happening because you're worried of it happening, if you just relaxed and did something else if you felt it coming on you might relax about it, like it's not a big deal cause you can. Still pleasure him or it doesn't matter you can try again another time, or you can get pleasure without sex. That's the ussual for guys who lose it half way through sex I think, or abstain for a while but I doubt that'd make much difference
I dunno why I just get like a mental block n just cant carry on x
I think the time between it making me worse x
I've only experienced this "clamping" thing once, and it was at the very end of my previous relationship. I couldn't relax, I was edgy and nervous, and it was like my whole body was telling me: "It's over, face it already!"
That's probably not your case, but usually our bodies reflect our inner fears or stress.
So, next time you try it, I would suggest you to do it in a relaxed environment, when you have plenty of time for foreplay and teasing. Maybe have a glass of wine, dim the lights if you're feeling insecure, and just take it slow.
Thanks for your replies how did u get over it anonymous lady?
sassykitten;) wrote:
Thanks for your replies how did u get over it anonymous lady?
I left him a few days after that.
But as I said, that's probably not your case. You're probably just nervous and can't relax since you two can't have a place for youselfs.
Its probably not making it any easier buy nothing we can do about it tbh xx
Could you not go for a night away? Just a bed and breakfast at the coast?
Young and fun95 wrote:
Could you not go for a night away? Just a bed and breakfast at the coast?
That would b absolutely lovely but unfortunately cant I work all the time and he works 5days a week,plus financial cant this side of xmas xx
Just feel a bit hopeless of the situation and thinking about it makes it worse, can you guys think of anything to help for now while we r at the parents house etc x
Firstly don't feel hopeless! I know it's hard but thinking about it too much will also make it worse. How about if you make time for foreplay but say that you're not gonna have sex - no matter what. I know from experience that I've never been so turned on as when I couldn't do it. Maybe after doing that a few times you'll be gagging for it so much you'll forget to be tense!
Ill give it ago Thanks :)
sassykitten;) wrote:
Just feel a bit hopeless of the situation and thinking about it makes it worse, can you guys think of anything to help for now while we r at the parents house etc x
Send the parents away.
Maybe you can find a discount weekend to give them for their Christmas?
If I could id go myself id like a nice spabreak but I have commitments here, some day ill get away for a weekend or something, but that would be nice to chuck them out lol x
I had exactly the same problem, it got really bad and was made worse because we didn't talk about it. We were both living with our parents - my room is downstairs and connected to the living room, kitchen and conservatory on different sides (had 5 other people living in the house so always someone at home). My ex's was right above the living room of his parents who were retired and never went out in the evening (literally, ever!) but his floor boards and bed were so noisy it made things near impossible.
I've always had problems with tensing up really badly day to day because I get really stressed, this made it really hard for me to relax. We tried sometimes but it always hurt me, so I ended up completely shutting down because of the pain it caused me and it eventually contributed to us breaking up.
In the same situation I'd do things differently now I know better - a massage would help you to relax and it's something which you can do quietly. Have you thought of having a night where you can enjoy touching each other etc, but say at the start that penetration is off the cards? I know that even the thought used to make me tense up and knowing that at the start of a night would help me to relax and who knows what might happen.. My other suggestion is lube - again if I feel conscious that I need to enjoy myself to stay wet sometimes I focus on that too much and that itself makes me dry up, but with lube there's no worry that will happen so I relax more. That and lube helps with penetration too - I love the stuff now lol.
Good luck x
I'm sure his parents are aware you have sex, you're adults and it is a perfectly natural thing. I'm sure his parents still have sex, and they are fully aware it is a bond building part of a relationship as well as for pleasure. Could your boyfriend perhaps ask them if it could be aranged to have an evening in by yourselves for some quality time, he doesn't have to expressly say "we want sex without worrying you'll overhear/walk in" but i'm sure they'd understand and be happy to go visit a family member or have adate night out together to give you some space.
Once that's sorted, what helps you to relax? Grab some candles, scented make for a lovely atmosphere, and the type of scent can set a certain mood, be it relaxing with things like lavender or sage, or a more spicy cinnamon for a flirtier mood. A bubble bath, a massage with a nice oil or lotion, then some extended foreplay, concentrating on the none penetrative ways to please eachother, sensual over sexual, and should you feel confident or comfortable and in the mood to take things further, take it slowly, maybe try a position with you on top where you control depth and speed for some added confidence.
It may be worth having a browse for either a silicone or anal lubricant, they can be thicker/more moisturising than a standard water based (the water based anal lubricant would be more suitable if you use condoms to make sure there's no degrading the latex) or maybe build up with a few size incrasing toys to relax and prepare yourself for sex if he's a girthier guy.
Thanks for the reply lala23
Similar situation really busy household of his with his sis next door in her room, and we dont usually stay at mine my parents never go outt, we have quite a touchy feelly relationship lots of cuddles, kissing, some foreplay...
Then i just clam right up go super tense n cant carry on l feel for him too be putting up with me .. for instance last weekend we waa close and i just end up drying n clamming up and he asked me if i was ok, and i just said i couldnt, he was cuddling me and asking me if i was ok n that he loves me.. but i just couldn't carry on and I said I cant relax
As for the body confidence issue, depending what part of your body you're not confident about there's all sorts of lingerie options. But the most important thing to try to remember is your boyfriend has seen it all, and clearly sexually desires you, so you must be one gorgeous woman, even if you don't see it yourself, he does :)