Can you be in love with someone you don't fancy?

More or less as the title says, having a chat with a mate who’s single and he asked this question, he has a female friend who he’s known for years and they know each really well, he says he not physically or sexually attracted to her at all, he said if he’s honest she totally not what she likes visually.
He knows he needs her company and loves chatting to her everyday about anything and everything, he’s fairly sure that goes both ways.
He says he knows he totally in love with her but when they’re together there’s just no attraction and no desire for a physically relationship.
He thinks they’d be good together but can’t see how he they could have a meaningful relationship with no passion.
I felt awful because I couldn’t answer him as I’ve never known of someone loving some deeply without physically attraction.
What’s do other think?

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There are different types of love, you can love someone passionately due to sexual attraction, you can love your children, your pets, and love a friend platonically.

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I understand that but he says he loves this girl like really deeply, really wants to be with her all the time, loves her company and they have a really good chemistry but he just doesn’t find her attractive and has no sexual desire to her.
He’s totally confused as to what to do as he’s never been in this position before and to be honest neither have I.

Love is a peculiar pudding as there is such a variety of types when it comes to love.

Parental love
Paternal love
Sibling love
Best friend love
Soul mate love

I think this sounds like a best friend sort of love

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I would say it’s not love like a partnership love but possibly friendship or soul mate love as @ThirtySomethingWife has said there are many types of love.
I have a best mate that I love so much but I call him my soul mate because I really care about him and just love him but am not attracted to him. We met (almost a decade ago) with the intention of dating but the more we talked we grew closer and closer but I didn’t feel anything sexual could happen.

I think sexual attraction is very important when being in love with someone. I’m so in love with my bf because he’s an amazing person but I also want to jump his bones every time he amazes me. We wouldn’t be together if we didn’t want to bone all the time :joy:

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Agreed - I had a really good friend at college who I adored like … he was just amazing.

One evening whilst I was staying over at his (which I had done many times and it was just great conversation and lots of snacks and tv ) he tried to kiss me and I was mortified.

He explained how he felt about me and I felt awful guilt that I’d led him on. We were besties and now we couldn’t be … it was never the same afterwards.

That for me was exactly this - I didn’t fancy him in the slightest but I adored him as a person. Gutted I broke his heart!

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Sorry to hear this @ThirtySomethingWife, I think that’s half my mates problem that if he tried to take things further in relationship terms because he’s not attracted to her it could ruin the perfect friendship they have now.

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Friendship is worth far more than a relationship !

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My best friend is convinced that there are both romantic soul mates and platonic soul mates, those rare people you meet and there’s such a connection that you’re just inseparable and it sounds kind of like that.

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I have a mate that I met over 25years ago we have worked together off and on for most of them years I would do anything for him and he would do the same ! We both know each other intermit secrets ( I do mean intermit ) He is more than a friend I have already asked him if I popped my gloggs would he say a few words for the other 3 people at my funeral ! I love him as my best mate ! My wife as a wonderful person she is my kids individually for themselves my brothers and sisters as part of my family ! So I think you can love is infinite ! In my opinion

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This sounds like how a strong friendship is like, you love and would do anything for them

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I think there’s a few types of love but in this situation I’d say they’re mistaking friendship for something else. They can totally be in love but not in the relationship sense cos when you’re in a relationship you wanna rip their clothes off, if I daint feel that way I’d not be with him.

You most definitely can have a best friend who’s your soulmate sexual or non sexual. Do you think he could be afraid to lost the friendship so is convincing himself they are in love, in a sexual way? That’s be my best guess, he wants this person to be a massive part of his life and is scared it’s an all or nothing kinda thing, hope that they can work through it n stay friends forever :heartbeat:

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