Confidence

Real beauty - body positivity poll and cheerleading have a read of this @sarahbaines. Everyone here is so positive and uplifting!

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Hi :heart:
My partner is a lovely larger lady and that’s nothing to be ashamed of :heart::heart::heart: Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty in yourself but you’ve got to remember that they see it in you

I also struggle with my confidence, especially with trying to come up with new ideas or things to try. Chances are your partner is just as worried/nervous as you are, I know any time I’ve finally built up the courage to suggest something new, she has jumped at the chance! :joy_cat:

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Your partner loves you for you. I think we all suffer from body confidence issues at times, I’ve got several (this isn’t my thread so I’m jot going to go into them now). It took me a long time to start to feel confident and I don’t always feel it. My partner and I will be looking through the LH lingerie and I often say “babe, I ain’t gonna look like them in it though”, his reply is usually along the lines of you’ll look good to me though. As a previous poster says, your partner sees the beauty in you, and that is what is important. Just believe in yourself and the love and desire your partner has for you. Xxx

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I understand this can be difficult, but you have to find a way to communicate with him - because it’s the only way forwards.
He could be feeling the same, and would love the chance to be open and talk about the ideas he has too!

There’s different things you could try.

Keep it light and have fun by playing a game (like the couples games they have on the website) they might give you ideas to help both of you open up a little.

Write him a note telling him some of the things you’d like to try one day.

Ask him what kind of ideas or fantasies he has - if you can’t do this face to face, you can always send him an email or a message.

Be brave and give it a try, what’s the worst that could happen :blush:

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What I found helped me a lot was re-establishing what I thought of as the “normal” woman’s body. I think I’d got so used to seeing Hollywood beauty standards that I always felt terrible because there’s no way to measure up. I’ve taken a huge step back from the media, and seeing plus size models (and particularly on LH) helped me reset what I see as normal and beautiful. I genuinely now see average sized women and plus size models as far more attractive than “regular” models and this has boosted my own confidence in my own skin.

As others have said, communication is key, and don’t forget that just cause you’re feeling a little down doesn’t mean your partner sees you as any less stunning :heart:

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Oh, and there’s also a Disability fun thread which might be helpful :blush:

Thanks all so much, it feels good to be able to say something without feeling judged. My OH is very vocal about stuff but he also never makes me feel pressured into doing anything. He constantly tells me how great I am, the problem is me & my mindset- which I desperately want to change x

Im in the same boat. My meds cause me put on weight very easily and make loosing it an uphill struggle. Theyve left me with stretch marks from a young age and ive struggled with self confidence and body confidence for a long time.

Ive been concertedly trying to change this recently and regularly take a moment to look in the mirror and see myself in a positive light. i started by listing all the things i like, appreciating them. (Yes, i have alot of marks, but i have lovey soft skin. I may think my bum is too big, but i have very sexy curves. My hair might have a mind of its own, but its incredibly smooth and shiny)
After a while, i started liking what i was seeing.
Maybe ask your partner what they like about your body. Or get them to write you a list. Because they love you and think your sexy just as you are.

Something the guys on the forum suggested was having a photo shoot. Taking some time to have a bubble bath. Getting some fun clothes or lingerie on and have a sexy photo shoot.
lingerie shopping with a partner is a nice exercise. Forget how it looks on the model, try and see it on yourself instead. Theres some amazing stuff out there that looks great on curves. Even something simple like a babydoll and stockings looks amazing on. Decided to try this the other day and felt sexy for the first time in ages.

Would i like to loose weight, yes. But that doesnt mean i cant love myself however i am and be comfortable in my own skin.

In a world filled with media trying to convince us we’re imperfect, self confidence is something almost everyone seems to struggle with at some point. But you know what, the imperfections are what make us who we are. Unique. One of a kind. Were all beautiful one-offs. Our quirks, tastes, foibles and flaws are what make us uniquely ourselves. Each special in our own way.

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One thing I think is always worth remembering is that we live in our own bodies, and like an artist who has observed their own painting too much, we tends to judge them far more harshly than others do and than we would judge others’.

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Good point, @Green_Eyed_Girl
In a previous job I was able to observe a couple of professional video shoots. I was totally floored by the sheer number of crew, the lighting tricks, the very long hours, and the number of run-throughs it took to make one individual look great for a few seconds of video!
I’m sure given the right make-up team, hair designer, costume department, camera crew, lighting department, director, etc, etc, absolutely anyone can be elevated to look awesome. And that’s before any of editing magic happens too.
Even the casual looking selfies on the socials are often selected after a process of taking a series of duff ones, and carefully composing the shot.

The images we’re surrounded by are highly artificial. People tend to project the image they want others to see, not the reality.

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One little tip I’d like to share.
I used to look at my self in a mirror next to an overhead light that made big shadows around my eyes. Now I have lights all round the mirror, and turn the overhead off, which makes me feel a lot happier about what I’m seeing each day. The shadows under my eyes seem to have magically disappeared! Same me, very different outlook :partying_face:

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Check out Lovehoney on Instagram, lots of real models looking hot and comfortable in their own skin. Get taking some pictures, start with the bits of your body you do like, like a nice fetching ankle. But some LH undies that cover up the bits you aren’t too keen on.

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Bless you. I think everything’s been covered above and its so hard. I’ve been in a similar situation and still am to some extent. Lingerie has to cover my belly etc.
My hubby loves every tiny and not so tiny part of me and although I’m trying to loose weight I know it doesn’t matter to him.
I’m not totally where I want to be with my confidence but getting there. I started slow by letting him see the bits I didn’t want to and then touch them and play with them. When I could let him do that knowing that he really didn’t care things started to improve.
It’s a long road as you have to learn to love yourself at least a little bit to start off with. Once you’re confidence starts coming back, you’ll naturally feel sexier and more adventurous. Xx

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Treat yourself to things that make you feel happy and good. I recently did a boudoir shoot. Terrified the shit out of me but the photographer helped me feel comfortable and relax into it. I left feeling a little better, and when I saw the photos I was stunned. Like I questioned how that was really me. That gave me a confidence boost. Maybe try something like that if you’re interested/up for it. Could be good for you and also makes an awesome gift giving those photos to your partner too.

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Hi :wave:t3:

I am also plus size/a big girl and due to certain issues struggle to lose weight. It’s caused massive confidence issues for me in and out of the bedroom.

If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to your partner could you maybe write it down instead?

Personally I would say LH’s plus size lingerie has helped me gain more confidence. It helps me cover up parts I’m self conscious about while also making me feel really sexy. And my partners reaction makes it even better :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

This is such a good idea, I do boudoir photography and my main aim is to make that person feel good about themselves. I totally understand how unconfident my clients are because I’m that girl too.

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I feel your pain @sarahbaines , at 40+ years old I have always struggled with confidence and being shy about my body but after having a child and knowing that it’s one of the reasons my body is like this has helped. After I met my partner I felt amazing, he made me feel sexy and gorgeous by telling me how much I meant to him and generally being complimentary, I even lost weight, but after a couple of years those feelings crept back and I put it down to just generally feeling stressed, I feel like social media makes us feel bad, comparing ourselves to others, and the last year has been crap for most people.
Lots of body positive websites tell you that negative thoughts manifest inside you and not to say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a friend. Stop following triggering social media accounts, don’t stalk an ex, block people that make you feel bad…
I don’t know if it’s healthy to want validation from our loves ones, but I know it helps me if I’m told I’m loved and wanted.

I hope once lockdowns are lifted you can get a boudoir shoot or just meet up with your friends for a good catch up, stay positive! :heartpulse:

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You sound identical to my wife…but at least it sounds like your partner is supportive. I’d like to think I do the same to my wife too - I’m always telling her how beautiful I think I she is - as long as your with a supportive abs loving partner it shouldn’t matter how big, or small you are…

I’d love for her to get her confidence back too - like other have said, We’ve found a few pieces of lingerie that have made her feel confident (and some that have done the opposite (bodystocking make her feel awful) - so hopefully you’ll find one that makes you feel awesome and kicks your mindset into the right place! It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her how sexy and beautiful she is…it’s has to come from within…i hope you both realise how beautiful you both are soon!

Thank you so much for the kind words & advice. It feels nice been able to chat about stuff like this with no judgements & knowing I’m not the only one.
I’m going to attempt some nice underwear later and maybe let him see!lol. Its been a stressful day so going to have a glass of wine & de-stress x

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Echoing what everyone else here has said - also how do you know your partner doesn’t have body issues of his own? He may think he’s too skinny or too skinny fat or whatever and you bringing the subject up may help him be liberated too!