Dating online

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hello people

as advised many times earlier in the forums and by my friends i have finally joined a dating site but I'm not sure this one is right for me (not sure I'm allowed to mention names)

also if this is allowed only can you recommend any good dating sites? Ive got many things to sort out in my life as some know here but so far haven't done anything, don't know what's wrong with me

however i am really paying attention to all advices that you have been giving to me and i am really grateful that you took the time to do it so it will be used at some point its just now i don't know what I'm waiting for or what is stopping me

many thanks

2

I'll be following this as I haven't had any luck with dating sites.

3

I'm happy to talk about some of the sites and apps based on my experiences there if someone from LoveHoney can confirm it's okay to name them... Obviously, what I've found will be a little different as a man, but I've talked to plenty of women on the various sites, so have a vague idea of what the experience is like for them as well.

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Glaswegian82 wrote:

I'm happy to talk about some of the sites and apps based on my experiences there if someone from LoveHoney can confirm it's okay to name them...

I know I'm so worried to be kicked out of the forum and i really don't want to!!!!! There are so many amazing people here, i wish you could chat privetaly if you could but i know it's not allowed, you have been so helpful to me with your positive comforting posts so thank you very much Glaswegian82, and other people too! X

5

I think its okay because dating sites aren't competitors, as long as you don't give out personal information or ask for people to contact / try to find you on there.

I met my husband through OKcupid. I really liked it there, although I did have to ignore a lot of unwanted messages (I think it happens on all sites). I went on quite a few dates from people I met on that site and I enjoyed all of them, met some lovely people.

I was also on plenty of fish but that felt too corporate/conventional for my taste, didn't find anyone I was interested in.

I think it all depends on who is using what in your area though.

I know loads of people who use tinder, and know someone who met her husband on tinder. It never appealed to me though because I like to read more info about people. OKcupid had loads of questions to match you up too and I found that more helpful than just a pic and a short bio.

Good luck in your new dating adventure! My advise is to activity contact people you are interested in, ignore people who are being assholes, and meet up for dates in public places. I always start a date in a cafe so there's no alcohol and you can get to chatting to someone in a safe environment first.

6

Jezebella wrote:

I think its okay because dating sites aren't competitors, as long as you don't give out personal information or ask for people to contact / try to find you on there.

I met my husband through OKcupid. I really liked it there, although I did have to ignore a lot of unwanted messages (I think it happens on all sites). I went on quite a few dates from people I met on that site and I enjoyed all of them, met some lovely people.

I was also on plenty of fish but that felt too corporate/conventional for my taste, didn't find anyone I was interested in.

I think it all depends on who is using what in your area though.

I know loads of people who use tinder, and know someone who met her husband on tinder. It never appealed to me though because I like to read more info about people. OKcupid had loads of questions to match you up too and I found that more helpful than just a pic and a short bio.

Good luck in your new dating adventure! My advise is to activity contact people you are interested in, ignore people who are being assholes, and meet up for dates in public places. I always start a date in a cafe so there's no alcohol and you can get to chatting to someone in a safe environment first.

Yes thank you, no id never meet someone if its not a public place and i alawys tell friends where i am and when i am omw or something, i play a very friendly/childish cute online game where you have a closed forum and its a small community so its easy to chat, anyway talking a lot with some people who are in uk (as other players are from all over the world) and one day they were near the area i am so we decided to meet (we were so scared on both sides😂😂😂) so we met in a public place with lots of people and i told beforehand people to check on me just in case, and it was really awesome, i just wish i could have that with dating i just feel like with my luck ill end up with a psycho or some sort 🙄🙄🙄 i just wish i could meet someone like that, at the corner of my street or something, not like I'm shopping online😂😂😂 anyway………… many thanks

7

I used POF. It was fine, Think which ever one you use you get a variety of people using them and after different things. Did get some hilarious messages and met some lovely men. Met present partner.

Only advice I'd give is don't give too much away on your bio area where you live / work / hang out etc..
Always meet in public. Tell friends where you are going etc...
I also used to have a friend do a back up call. They'd ring me,if a terrible date I'd make up an excuse about them being ill etc and go.
Remember not every one puts up recent photos of themselves or even themselves in the photos.
Have fun and enjoy.

8

Okay then, following Jezebella's example (and with mostly the same sites...)

OKCupid I found to be the best overall experience, though it didn't really lead to anything for me. I think the nature of the site - with the focus on questions and fairly detailed essay-style profiles - lends itself well to getting to know people, and it was a fantastic confidence builder for me, which I get the impression is something that would be really helpful for you, ShyAndChatty.

From my conversations with people on there, I understand that the experience for women can be a bit overwhelming. Lots of guys seem to just send messages to pretty much every woman on there, usually just a single sentence, so I get the impression weeding out people worth talking to can be tricky.

I dated a couple of women from OKC briefly, and neither went terribly well, for various reasons. I also went on a number of first dates, most of which were good but just didn't have a spark to lead to a second. But I also made a number of good friends there, including one of my now-best friends. So, coupled with the massive confidence boost from talking to people whi found me attractive and interesting, it was an overall positive experience.

POF was the exact opposite. I found it difficult to use, difficult to get to know people, and very difficult to know what users were real as opposed to bots, or even to figure out from the cluttered interface which users had been online any time recently. It's much harder to use than OKC, and I very quickly got frustrated with it and abandoned it.

Tinder was a bit better. The focus on looks first with the swiping is both a blessing and curse - I'm a distinctly average looking guy, so I don't stand out and therefore don't get a lot of matches, but that weeds out the people who're only after looks, so it works out.

Again, I've made some friends there, and I also met one of my current sexual partners, so there's that. Again, for women I understand the experience is very different, because desperate men will swipe right for everyone and then try their luck with sexual messages if they match - but if you're discriminate with your right swipes, you'll probably be fine.

I also use FetLife, which isn't a dating site, but a kink-based social media site. If you have any particular kinks or fetishes you'd like to explore, it's a great way to get in touch with like-minded people and cut out that potentially very awkward "So... what are you into?" conversation. I've actually had more luck meeting women I like on there than on any of the dating sites... but that may say more about me than anything else.

So, ShyAndChatty, my recommendation for you would be to give OKCupid and/or Tinder a go, I think. They fulfil different niches, I think, and both could be useful for you as a confidence building exercise, if nothing else. I hope you give it a go, and that you have loads of luck and find someone lovely. You absolutely deserve it. <3

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OKC it is well i'll see………………don't know how i feel about it……………

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I used OKC and found it the best one but as glaswegian82 says you do get a lot of of messages from people just casting a wide net. You can do a lot more without paying a subscription than most and it is the only one I have ever met up with someone from.

11

My experience is that okCupid.com and pof.com are solid for dating, I mean real dating, Tinder is still best of all hookup apps (again just my opinion) and onenightstand1.com/sexdating-sites provides nice (user voted) list of less known (alternative) hookup sites... Also, match.com is not bad. Just my 2 cents :)

12

I used Match dating site to meet my now wife, that was 5 years ago and been married for nearly 3 years, had a few dates of it but when I met the wife, something clicked straight away and we've never looked back, and so much I love.

13

I used Match to meet my OH 2 years ago.
I liked it as more info about people but you didn't have to treat it as a full time job

14

I use POF, OKC and Lovoo (not come to anything so just looking for friends) and they all have their positives. Lovoo is quite basic and very subscription heavy to see like and glances. OKC probably gives the most indepth view of someone but as the questions are sometimes quite restricted in their answers it's not a definitive view of someone. POF is good too, not as indepth as OKC as there's only the submitted personal descriptions but well put together.

15

Met my other half off POF and a mate met hid now wife on there too , you just need to be lucky .

16

It's been hit n miss for me, I'm on pof and another although I'm not sure who the main site is, basically I listen to Planet Rock radio a lot and they advertise their own dating, thought this sounds good, signed up but it seems to be someone else's site with their own look to it, no disrespect to anyone on there but a lot of the people I've seen on there wouldn't put as rockers!

I also clicked the "sexy singles" link from this site (yeah I know..) but this is a sub heavy fake profile mine field, if you're after *that* best to stick to fab or similar!

Pof works OK for me, had a few ladies make first contact and continue to chat, met with one got on well but not well enough (think my baggage and revelations about some stuff that happened in the past scarred her!) But we still message.

The biggest issue I have is making the first contact, I try and be a bit more exciting than:
"Hi, HRU?"
But don't seem to be able to get the replies...

Time will tell.

17

I definitely didn't get a long with POF personally, and I thought OKCupid was great at first, but in the end didn't really work for me. 

I'd assumed that Tinder was more for hookups and dating, rather than looking for a "proper" relationship, so put it off for ages.

In actual fact it's the only one which has worked out for me! 

There are so many available now too, I think it's wise to create accounts on more than one site to test the water, especially if they're free sites. 

Good luck! 

18

PS: As you have probably worked out, mentioning dating sites is fine :) 

19

Tallish Darkish & Average wrote:

The biggest issue I have is making the first contact, I try and be a bit more exciting than:

"Hi, HRU?"
But don't seem to be able to get the replies...

This is a big thing to note, actually.

When I started online dating, I did research and found that - according to figures I saw - messages from men get, on average, 1 response for every 10 messages they send across various dating sites. This seems to be in part because of the scattergun approach many men take, and in part because a lot of them send a generic message with no account of the recipient.

(A lot of my conversations on those sites bore this out - pretty much every woman I talked to mentioned that she got LOADS of messages like this, and most of them are just ignored.)

My approach tended to be to only send messages to people I was actually vaguely interested in, and to send each a unique message doing three key things:

1) Referencing things mentioned in their profile that we had in common.

2) Asking them questions to give them a potential reason to answer.

3) Treating them like the actual human beings they are - seems obvious, I know, but you'd be surprised…

Without wanting to sound arrogant, I got a reply for roughly every 3-4 messages I sent. Who would have thought that treating other people with respect would be a good idea…? :p

My point, I guess, is that there is so much utter nonsense sent to women that as a man you really need to try hard to stand out. It's tough, and I know it's not any better for the ladies - opening your inbox to dozens of identical, shitty messages must be disheartening. Not to mention the sexual ones, and the abusive ones when you don't respond. It can't be easy.

20

Glaswegian82 wrote:

Tallish Darkish & Average wrote:

The biggest issue I have is making the first contact, I try and be a bit more exciting than:

"Hi, HRU?"
But don't seem to be able to get the replies...

This is a big thing to note, actually.

When I started online dating, I did research and found that - according to figures I saw - messages from men get, on average, 1 response for every 10 messages they send across various dating sites. This seems to be in part because of the scattergun approach many men take, and in part because a lot of them send a generic message with no account of the recipient.

(A lot of my conversations on those sites bore this out - pretty much every woman I talked to mentioned that she got LOADS of messages like this, and most of them are just ignored.)

My approach tended to be to only send messages to people I was actually vaguely interested in, and to send each a unique message doing three key things:

1) Referencing things mentioned in their profile that we had in common.

2) Asking them questions to give them a potential reason to answer.

3) Treating them like the actual human beings they are - seems obvious, I know, but you'd be surprised…

Without wanting to sound arrogant, I got a reply for roughly every 3-4 messages I sent. Who would have thought that treating other people with respect would be a good idea…? :p

My point, I guess, is that there is so much utter nonsense sent to women that as a man you really need to try hard to stand out. It's tough, and I know it's not any better for the ladies - opening your inbox to dozens of identical, shitty messages must be disheartening. Not to mention the sexual ones, and the abusive ones when you don't respond. It can't be easy.

There are some good comments in there that I totally agree .

Many ladies do like and should be treated as someone special and enjoy things like compliments. So anything one can pick up from their profile will help to give you the edge.

The ratio to single guys v single women is something like 6:4 last time I checked .This can vary depending on which part of the country . Never the less this gives the ladies an edge and therefore can afford to be more choosey when chossing a date. So it stands to reason that Glasweigians approach is more successful as it would stand out from the rest.

My only concern with online dating is that do you really know if a person is married or not? I would imagine dating sites especially free ones will attract some cheats.

I suppose the above is no different than traditonal methods of finding a potential partner and generally in my experiences its been down to me to tell them that I am happily married .