For those among us who prefer ourselves smooth... HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU MANAGE IT?!
I have tried everything and have some horror stories to tell...
Shaving: I have been known on occasion to shave down there. This causes a problem for me, being slightly larger than average my boobs block my view and if i bed forward to see past them, my downstairs carpet disappears from view entirely as it pivots away from me. This does mean that I tend to shave blind, which results in un-even patches, where I'm too cowardly to weild a razor that close to my lips without seeing what I'm doing, Or I do myself a mischief and have the odd nick and cut.
This entire process takes around 30minutes to an hour, and lasts probably 2 and a half before the stubble itch begins and I have to endure it for a good week or so before I can shave again, as shaving rash would mean I bled to death if I shaved sooner... All in all i never keep it because its such a monstrous hassle for no use.
Going to be waxed: I have been for a wax probably twice in the last 10 years, and never have more than 'tidy round the edges' because I am self-concious about having anything more done, and frankly a coward, which means I just end up paying for stuff-all difference.
Epilation: I was put off of this after having a go when I was around 16/17. My father burst in on me after I apparently started screaming like I was being murdered.
Hair-removal Cream: well this is actually why tonights thread has appeared, I bought some today and being far FAR to impatient to do the 24 hour patch test has resulted in me sitting here with a completely smooth, and burningly painful foof.
Self Wax Strips: Oh god. Well If you've read this far I might as well treat you to the whole grizzly tale.
Just shy of 6 years ago, on my hen night, a good friend of mine bought me some 'Self heat wax strips'. Being the coward I was I didnt use them for the wedding day (having been professionally tidied). about a year later (having checked they we're still in date) I figure, you know, why the hell not?
I read the instructions telling me to warm them between my hands before peeling off the backing, and applying the wax strips to my bikini line.
"Once smoothed down pull back towards you quickly and cleanly."
Smooth, deep breath, Yank, examine paper.
Oh.
I had in my hand a perfectly clean piece of paper. Not one hair. More worryingly, no wax either. Here is the fatal mistake.
I bend over to get a better look at what happened.
Instantly I knew i was in trouble. I had cemented my slightly flabby post baby tummy, to my upper thigh and pussy with the aid of incredibly sticky wax. Bugger.
After 5 minutes of tugging and pulling at my skin I realise I'm going no-where. Here in I had another dilemma. I had, in my enthusiasm, applied two wax strips, one of which was still in need of removal. Throwing caution to the wind I lift my leg and tear the other strip, that is running parallel to my foof.
Again I am left with clean paper and all the wax stuck to me. I am now trapped, bent half forwards glued to myself with one leg cocked at 90 degrees KNOWING that if I dare lower it I will simply cememt my pussy closed, probably until the end of time itself.
Thinking fast to find a way out I decide a nice hot bath will help. After all - everyone knows that wax melts at warm temperatures.
I run a bath and get in. lowering myself into the water I am alarmed that instead of melting, the wax seems to be setting... Momentum, gravity and sheer sods law mean that nothing, can stop the inevitable, My bum, and well waxed inner thigh-to pussy skin touch the base of the bath. Water is forced out the way, and the ensuing vacuum glues my intimate area to the bath-tub.
ANY attempt at movement at that point made it clear that my skin would be peeling off before the wax did.
I was , everything was running through my head, namely how could a company make wax-strips with super-glue, and how my mother would feel when I was on local news being sawed out of the bath by the fire-brigade.
In one last ditch hope I decide to re-consult the instructions. Right,.. where are they.
They were of course, inside the box. Stood on top of the cistern. A good 2meters away from my sticky situation.
I end up hauling down the shower curtain and using the pole (which smacked me in the face bruising my eye and fattening my lip on the way down) I manage to swipe the box over towards me.
"Any left-over wax can be softened and removed with baby oil".
Brilliant. All I need to do is get baby oil from our daughters bedroom whilst being glued to the bath. After 10minutes of soul-searching, I realise I am going to have to ask my husband to help, there is no way around it.
He's down stairs, I shout for him and he comes up into the bathroom. He comments about how I've been ages....
"Could you bring me the baby oil?"
"what on earth for?". After several attempts and pleading to get it whilst avoiding admitting what I'd done, I cave in and tell him. His reaction? to lean on the banister and howl with laughter for nigh-on 20minutes, before eventually agreeing to get the oil for me.
It took another hour to unstick myself. I have never lived it down.
<cough>
ANYWAY, so any suggestions or comments welcome, or am I just going to have to suck-it up and be big and brave and get waxed regularly?
