I used water-based lubricant as per the instructions, I made sure I was very wet, and I could not put it in. It won’t go past the entrance at all. I haven’t been sexually active for a few years and I wonder if that could be part of the reason (vaginal tightening or just not used to being penetrated anymore)? What else can I do to make this work?
1 Like
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am no expert but if you haven’t been active for a while, you may need to start smaller and work your way up. Not to be rude, but if you are more mature you may have tightening and thinning of the tissues, which can be helped by stuff from your doctor. Maybe try a bullet size first and see how you progress from there? Hopefully some of our female members can offer more insight.
4 Likes
Very valid points from @WillC. Have you tried different positions? My go-to is on my back however I sometimes find I get quite a bit of pressure and have to change it up. See how it feels being on top of the toy. Have a play around but don’t force it if it just isn’t happening, plus the more you fret the tighter you will be!
4 Likes
Oh, that’s disappointing. Was that the one you picked for your birthday?
I think there is an element of ‘use it or lose it’ to foof elasticity. There’s some info in this topic that you might find useful?
I remember a really good @VR post too, but I can’t find it. Hopefully a little Mention will make her magically appear. 
4 Likes
Mrs S is having similar problems with the entrance but has found some of the recently purchased anal toys will go in as they’re thinner. We just found an inflatable dildo in the shop but it was actually fatter than a slimline vibrator, and finally ordered a much thinner Anal Balloon Pump 2 Inch - so I can’t tell you whether it’s any good, but there are favourable reviews from vaginal users and it’s not expensive.
3 Likes
Don’t worry. I’ve had this. Some toys are to big for me. It happens as we get older. I find that ‘elastic band’ feeling at the opening to be the problem, sometimes. Is that what you mean?
There are things which can help - a good and thick lube, and a slimline toy combined with a clitoral stimulator of your choice to keep things ticking over… you could use these by yourself and, if appropriate, bring them in to play with a partner?
I’d use a clitoral vibe or bullet first - for a long time - before trying anything else. 20-40mins sounds about right, with the lube, before trying penetration? This goes for play with a partner too - foreplay is also part of sex and if you need 30 mins then fair-play, enjoy it together.
I like Sliquid lubes.
As far as toys go I can recommend:
Any clitoral bullet - but if you want to splash the cash then the Mantric or Desire ones are great.
An alternative might be the ‘red hot flickering tongue’ (sorry, my internet is playing up and so I can’t give a link).
Also, a slimline glass toy which puts pressure on your g-spot might help, too.
Again, can’t link at the moment but a slim line glass toy, used with lube, might get you past that sticking point as glass with lube is slippy and smooth.
Good luck! Let us know how you go - there are lots of us here if we don’t get it right the first time xxx
8 Likes
This is very common, especially in more mature women such as myself . If you’ve not been sexually active for a while then things can tighten up a bit in an uncomfortable way.
Good lube is vital and @MsR’s suggestion of a slimline glass toy is excellent advice . There’s no drag with glass unlike silicone and when smothered in lube it’ll be much easier to get past that initial resistance .
Once you’ve loosened things up a bit with that then I’m sure you’ll find it easier to move on to other toys .
6 Likes
As others have said, there are a few things you can try before giving up on it.
A good lube (maybe try an anal one). You won’t be able to use a silicone one but maybe an oil like MegsMenopause would work. Contact customer services first to be sure (or maybe out guru, Mr Chimp could weigh in on this?).
I’d definitely use a good bullet and loosen up with a clit orgasm first then lube my fingers and ease them in.
Once you’ve warmed up and are wet try the Desire again. I don’t have this particular one but I’ve tried a curved vibe before and it needs to be ‘hooked in’ at an angle. Have you tried holding the handle over your pubic bone, settling the tip at the entrance then hooking it in towards your belly button? A bit like putting a fish-hook earring in I suppose.
If you’ve tried this you may have to go for a different vibe to start yourself off again. I’d look at something like a slimline glass or one with a tapered end. The beaded glass might be worth a look as you could start off with the slim beads and work up to swapping them. There are a few others that are double-ended but that’s the first one I can remember off the top of my head.
If you bought a silicone bullet like the Mantric or Desire you can then use that on the glass without a rattle, too.
Back to lubes, I bought Lovehoney’s Release Masturbation lube for my partner but use it mostly myself (though he loves it, too). This stuff is extremely moisturising - my hands feel amazing the morning after using it on either of us. I’m on HRT but am still feeling dryer than I used to despite still getting wet when turned on. I’ve used this as a moisturiser a few times and it’s definitely helped my skin feel smoother and more resilient.
Whatever you decide don’t give up. For your future health if nothing else. I hope it never happens to you but I lost a very dear friend a few years ago to cervical cancer. She was in her 80’s, had been widowed 30 years earlier and not bothered with another partner or masturbation. When she was diagnosed, she had to use steel dilators before the radiotherapy started. She was so upset and embarrassed at having to do this, more so than being diagnosed in the first place.
If I could, I would tell every woman to never stop having sex or masturbating. Sex, whether alone or with a partner is good for your soul and good for your physical health. Love it or lose it, ladies.
9 Likes
Some excellent advice here.
I’m experiencing similar, once I get the tip in, I need to jiggle the toy to push through.
Turns out my bladder has prolapsed which is bulging into my vagina a little. Not a big bulge, but big enough to get in the way.
Once a toy is in, I’m fine. I just need to start doing my pelvic floor exercises more often.
4 Likes
@duchessofnowhere remember the Sex Toy Happiness Promise. If you are still unhappy you can return it for a refund and choose something else.
2 Likes
Hi yep it was the one I picked for my birthday.
Actually this was exactly what I did - I used the womanizer, then fingers then tried the Desire. :-/ Maybe I’ll try a different position next time.
1 Like
Exercises are always good but invest in the Tenscare iTouch. It works wonders faster than any amount of exercising can do.