What would you do if you had a fantasy that you did on your own before you met your partner, you’re now with your lifetime partner who told you -you absolutely categorically could never undertake that fantasy? (It’s not harmful to anyone it’s just the partner does not wish to recognise that it’s normal.) We have communicated but we’re at different stages in sexual exploration. I’m into toys and soft bondage, more sensual really) The answer is not to break up- sex is part of a relationship not the whole thing.
3 Likes
Interesting question and being that your both at different stages in sexual explanation the only thing I can think of is to maybe wait till he’s on the same page as you, which until then you can try keeping to his pace with the added hints to encourage him more towards what you’d like…
4 Likes
Interesting question indeed, hard one to answer without context around what it actually is, but as you’ve mentioned you’re into toys and soft bondage is that saying your partner is not?
I can relate in someway. First of all, when me and my OH met, our views around sex were very different, and yes we were in different places of exploration. However, to my OHs credit, she has always been open minded, and somethings she wanted to explore, others not at all.
From my perspective, yes to an extent I felt I was missing out, but I was more than happy exploring aspects with her than she had an interest in (light spanking, being tied up) and just enjoying those moments between us together. From those we explored a little more, and just took things at her pace. Sometimes it was 2 steps forward, 1 back, others were 1 forward and 2 back.
We’re still together 3 years later, and kink and sex is a little on the back burner after she has had a tough year. I have to say it has been, and is, hard for me as sex is a big expression thing for me, but I think all relationships go through phases.
I think things may have been different if I was told we would categorically never use toys together or have kink, that would be a difficult pill for me to swallow if I think of it in that sense. It almost feels that way at the moment, but I just focus on doing recovery stuff around it - one day at a time and all that, and it feels a lot more manageable.
2 Likes