Differing sex drives

You sound exactly like me, my wife has always had a really low sex drive, & I’m still horny all the time at 39 with the sex drive of a 20 year old😂 it is SO frustrating, I’m always thinking m, how can she never think about sex!! If I never bring it up she could happily go without it for ever😩 does it ever make you feel crap?? I’ve spoke to my wife about how it makes me feel & we’ve had loads of conversations about it, but nothing ever changes.

5 Likes

You’re like my male twin! :laughing: my husband is older than me by a few years but we’re still young it makes no sense why he wouldn’t want it all the time. I thought it was all most men thought about…turns out its me.
It makes me feel terrible yeah, makes me wonder if its me, doesnt he find me attractive :frowning: and I’ve also had the same conversations, asked if he loves me etc and things never change. My husbands the same, I don’t think he would be bothered if we did ever again! I’m constantly passing comments, sending pics when he’s at work and he comes home and acts like nothing was sent. Total dispare :disappointed:

1 Like

Yeah it seems you must be my female twin! I’ve done exactly the same, sent some pics & dressed up for her & waited for her NOTHING!
I don’t think it’s anything we can do, our partners are just happy with out having sex, some people just don’t need it or think about it :weary:
Im always trying to just keep my mind off sex by baking, fitness :pray:t2:

4 Likes

@FD1 this is virtually my marriage in one paragraph. Hell yes it gets me down🙄

4 Likes

Yeah I agree with you there. Other than the sex I’m happy in my marriage so it’s not the be all and end all I guess.
I’m always busy working and with the kids, just nice to have the release from all that once in a while.

4 Likes

I know the feeling, I’m constantly in the mood and my OH don’t seem fussed. Even bought her a surprise from here the other day and it’s still sat in the box!!

3 Likes

Sex isn’t everything no, BUT it is so nice & especially with your partner, who you love. We are just a rare breed of horny people. It’s nice to feel like it towards them, just why can’t they have just a small bit of what we feel​:pray:t2::fire::smiling_imp:

2 Likes

We sure are rare breeds but I’m glad I’m not alone, seems there’s more of us out there who wants something we aren’t getting :face_with_hand_over_mouth: but I agree, if only my hubby felt even a fraction of my constant need :laughing::heart:

3 Likes

There could be a downside to it though if our partners did have the same sex drive’s, we could very tired after all the sex….:joy:

2 Likes

It’s so not good.

Has a really bad knock on effect to the partner who is constantly rejected and made excuses to.

I suffered years of low self esteem feeling it was my fault…and I’m talking more than a decade here.

I tried everything…I really did.

Anyone out there in this situation talk…talk and talk some more. Even if the outcome isn’t what you want to hear…

Knowing the reason why is far far better than blaming yourself…suffering sleepless nights…and torturing yourself with endless reasons as to what it could be.

5 Likes

Haha! Yes that is very true :laughing:

@CurvyJilly34F the rejection is the worst for me. Then when we talk and he says I never try either… my reply is always the same, why would I try if you’re going to reject me and make me feel worse.

Hopefully things will change …but if not…il buy more toys :smiling_imp::face_with_hand_over_mouth:

3 Likes

Hey it’s a shame when you do get rejected and like you said why keep trying if you keep getting rejected.

Buying more toys sounds a plan. Maybe you should show him one day maybe he will want to join the activities :wink:

2 Likes

Talking is good, but when you keep having the same conversation & the answers you get are “I just don’t want it” that’s how it ends. You do question your marriage/relationship, I know sex isn’t everything but even once a week would be nice for both of us to get close. I think I’m going to become a monk​:pray:t2::innocent:
To be honest I’d probably burst into flames if I walked into a church​:smiling_imp::fire:

2 Likes

My heart goes out to those of you in this position.
A good friend of mine hasn’t had any form of sex with his wife in almost 10 years. In his case as a result of an online indiscretion on his part (which she uncovered).
They are finally in counselling and I really hope they can work things out.
No - sex isn’t everything but I’d struggle to live without.

5 Likes

:pray:t2:

2 Likes

Differing sex drives is awful in a relationship. I went through years of shit sex (like once a month. Same position, going through the motions) as a result of a porn addiction and porn induced ED. No communication and all a secret.

The rejection was soul destroying and my confidence was in pieces.

I would never put myself in that position again.

3 Likes

I feel for you & I hope things are all good now👍🏻
It has to be one of the worst feelings ever knowing your partner just never wants you or won’t even try to resolve it :weary:

2 Likes

I have so much energy, I’m normally at the gym in the morning @6am either run, bike, swim, or weights. She refers to me as her horny devil or energizer bunny :slight_smile: but also have a high sex drive, the wife is younger by 7 years, but generally falls asleep before me also :joy:, since having our boys her sex drive seems to have dropped :frowning: can ony only hope one day. That’s not to say we don’t love each other and are happily married

4 Likes

This brings back terrible memories of previous relationship and her inability to accept there was an issue never mind address. it was a huge issue for me, as well as the other emotions such as rejection, low self esteem in the end was a deal breaker! She only accepted the problem and suggested counselling once it was too late!

So yes communication is imperative, but if the other party is not interested in communicating or indeed solving the problem, then some big decisions are needed!

5 Likes

I was just about to post something similar, talking is the standard advice and great if the other party is open to conversation but if you are hit by silence, avoidance or aggression then it can make matters worse. If any of those circumstances are the likely outcome perhaps personal counselling (rather than joint) is a good first step, help to weigh up the value of a sexual relationship versus other shared aspects such as kids, home, financial ties.

It’s very difficult being the one left feeling rejected and undesired, particularly if you know from previous experience that somewhere inside your partner there’s a sex kitten/lion waiting to play. Hope you are able to find a better place.

2 Likes