Disability fun

Sex Tips & Talk
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Oh and my LH order arrived today too!
Time to start planning a wee kink sess for the OH for next time we get a night to ourselves!

Looking forward to see her wear the plug and light the room up more than she normally does. She loves butt fun, but is very heady about it so taking that slowly and making sure she has good experiences. We have a few paddles and floggers, and that looked good value, really nice quality now I’ve opened it. And of course the wedge. Looking forward to seeing how that helps.
The OH doesn’t know what I’ve bought yet, so will hopefully be a pleasant chrimbo surprise for two of us.

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Thank you hun, we have to be careful massage wise but gentle strokes are ok.

Your point of standing in a supermarket que resonated with me too x I hope your doing ok xx

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Looks like fun @Mr_Kink1 I may have to look into the wedge!!

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Thanks for starting this chat. It’s great to hear everyone’s experiences and ideas. I’ve got a few medical things going on although I wouldn’t consider myself disabled.

Some of the issues give us a bit of a laugh - I’m diabetic and, since sex is effectively exercise, sometimes my blood sugar levels drop and I stop half way through sex saying “give me a minute, I need a snack, be right back!” - bit of a mood killer though.

The less amusing issue is that I have a nerve problem that means that the nerve that supplies the pelvic area is being over-stimulated resulting in pain during sex and sometimes continuously. I’m currently exploring positions that don’t cause this to flare up but it’s work in progress! I’m hoping that a specialist physio might help me make some more progress next year. The position enhancers that a few people have mentioned look interesting too.

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My OH has had Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was about 37, sometimes she’s not as flexible as a healthy person, but we adapt and never take things too seriously. Never let these things beat you!

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I just want to say a big thank you to everyone. its been really helpful to read all your experiences and points of view.

Ive had chronic fatigue syndrome (C.F.S/M.E.) for over 10yrs now and i still find myself struggling with the emotional elements of how it limits me.

Physically, though I’m fortunate enough to be getting better by small increments, i find it very limiting especially stamina wise. Im also on a med that practically nullified my sex drive for the last 20 years, so I’m only just now really working out what i like and want. Trying to find positions that i can manage without muscle fatigue is an ongoing process.
If i ever get a partner i would definitely invest in a liberator wedge or something though. May at some point get one even if i dont to be honest. :slight_smile:

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Hi @Green_Eyed_Girl, Same here - I had CFS for about 10-15 years too (from the age of 16) and I started getting better a couple of years ago, still making small improvements now. I hope you continue to make progress and enjoy finding out what works for you.

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Thanks Mrs_Y, i hope your improvements continue too. Ive had some setbacks over the years but i always remind myself how much worse i was the first year i had it (basically solid brainfog, almost like being dislocated from everything. Not going back there ) and how far ive come. Even if it was in small increments. (My weapon of choice, industrial grade positivity…and sunshine :wink:)

Actually having my sex drive more like it should be now has definitely been an eye opener (And a hell of a lot of fun). Still trying to find more variety of positions than me on my back at the moment. But its all an experience and im learning alot.

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@Fun_Funky it was indeed fun on it’s first trial, as @Smultron mentioned, the DOMINIX Inflatable Wedge is bigger, and this proved a challenge for the initial positions we were looking for (enhancing angles for g-spot). We will continue to experiment with it, and love the little loops as we have plenty of cuffs that clip on. It may well be the Liberator wedge could be more suitable, but will give things a little time before investing. Always good to have multiple options IMO!
Me and the OH have a child free night tonight, so I am planning a kink night for her to try the other bits from that order, very excited about it and will start getting things ready shortly. She loves being spontaneous but I need to plan and think, it works very well for both - she knows she’ll have a night of kink to look forward to, but loves having the blindfold on and leaving everything to me. Works very well for both as the planning is a massive turn on for me :smiley:

I’m so pleased that others have found the post helpful, it can be hard for fully abled people to relate to the physical and emotional challenges we face, and of course the inner turmoil of thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves through experiences - whether it is pain, self doubt, being judged and others reactions (the list can of course go on).

@Kitty-Cat01 I love the idea of having an excuse to go for a snack mid-way through a session, for me just sounds a great reason to refuel and start again! But yes, appreciate it can be difficult to get back to that moment. Are there certain snacks you could incorporate with sex so it would break the mood less? I know very little around diabetes, but I have a can of squirty cream in the fridge, and planning on surprising the OH with that later tonight! If yoghurts or spreads are things that you could snack with, it could prove quite fun - and may give your nerves a break whilst you snack all you need to.

@WillC 100% mate, it is all about adaption, trial and error, and doing so with a smile on the face. I am so lucky (and it sounds like Mrs WillC is also) to be with someone that is very accepting of things just how they are. Some of our ‘trials’ have been so funny we’ve had to take breaks through laughing too much! Yes, there has been embarrassing moments for us both, and they can feel uncomfortable at times. But I have found those moments of being vulnerable, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, really make us stronger together. I’m so happy I popped on here quickly as reminded me how lucky I am, and to make tonight and will be pulling out the stops to make tonight extra special to show a little appreciation to my OH.

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I wouldn’t say she’s lucky, she has to put up with ME! :wink: But seriously, as with any problem in life, you just have to deal with it as best you can. After all this time, it just becomes another day and while the disability is still there, it does fade into the background. As i mentioned, she works and has hobbies that keep her active.She is a very strong person but at times, it can get her down immensely. I know the first Lockdown was very hard for her, as i was going to work while she was staring at 4 walls all day. I do try to make our life as fun as possible and try to make her laugh everyday, not always successfully! You do seem to be taking a similar stance as a couple as us. That’s why i like this forum, nobody’s life is perfect and we all have problems, but we can share and support each other.

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@Green_Eyed_Girl The emotional elements, the feelings and my own perceptions were (still can be) a massive struggle for me!
I say were, and I think the past sense is because of the partner I am with right now. If that changed (playing devils advocate here, really hope it doesn’t!) then I would fully expect some unresolved demons to come back to roost in my head for a while. When I was single I was full of fear of not being wanted, loved, attractive, less than (and a whole heap more). In a way it has helped me, as that is where my desire for pleasing came from.
I had the opposite issue re sex drive due to my addiction (in recovery for last 26 months now thankfully!) and doing anything to avoid being left alone with myself. Looking back at my behaviours and such like has been an unbelievable experience.
Sorry, off topic a little, making it about me.
Yes, positions avoiding muscle fatigue I have found difficult. As I mentioned previously, at times I’ll have my legs restrained in case of spasms, and the OH thought that might be better for fatigue. However, I found that causes more in terms of fatigue as I will strain against the restraints more. Fortunately for me, during the moment I can push through and override it at the time, but the morning after for my legs is like a hangover from hell (thankfully I do not have those to deal with any more!), and will wipe me out for a day at least.
I hope you have a great time finding out the likes and dislikes, and more so hope the emotional elements improve. I know for me it took a lot of hard and painful work at the time, but so grateful for the progress I am making with myself. I have a long way to go still, but one day at a time I simply aim to be a better person.
Industrial grade positivity helps massively as you say, and I never knew the power of true gratitude, and general spiritual principles. And of course good old fashioned belly laughing!

Thank you everyone that has commented on this thread, it has given me an awful lot help and tips. I think the OH will be truly grateful too after tonight has finished ha ha.

@WillC Ha ha ha I am sure she is more than happy with the deal she’s got! My OH would respond exactly the same. Of course, regardless of who we are, we are always our own biggest critic!
It’s lovely to hear that you two have that bond and understanding together, can see that from your words. Yes, sounds like as a couple very similar stance. My first experience in a truly open and honest relationship, the the rewards are immeasurable!
Perfection is impossible, and problems aplenty for all. A little acceptance and understanding goes a bloody long way though.

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Just been looking through the Sex Furniture and Position Enhancers section area ththat @Smultron suggested, I think I have found my next item on my watch list:

Didn’t notice that before, but think that could be really helpful for us as a couple. Certain positions very difficult for me to get ‘rhythm’ as it were, but the rocking motion would enable the OH to set a rhythm that works for her. Ah man, I need that, like now!

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@Mr_Kink1 I’ve tried ice cream which was fun! :grin: :yum:

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@Green_Eyed_Girl I can recommend a liberator wedge - I like the heart shaped one best - for solo play. It saves all sorts of muscles for overworking, which helps me when it comes to chronic fatigue.

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Dude, dont worry about making it about you. If anything this is one of the places you can actually talk about things you normally cant with most people, because everyone in this thread will get it. We might all have different conditions, but we all know what is like to climb a mountain no one else can see.

Setting myself achievable goals and trying to stay in the present and not worry about the future are definitely the biggest things for me. This year is especially bad for all of us and has made difficult things even harder. Especially mentally as the situation has meant increased isolation for me due to my poor immune system (one of the booby prizes no one tells you about with c.f.s.). I am so profoundly grateful to have such a supportive family. I really do not know what id have done without them. They are my rocks.

What always helps me massively though (even if ive been sick in bed for a month because I’ve caught a mild bug my immune system is stubbornly ignoring) is reading the martian by Andy Weir (seriously good book, amazingly even better than the film). It is simultaneously my things could be worse book and also a overcoming great obstacles story. Must have read it almost 30 times now and it Always makes me feel better (my copy is getting a bit dog eared unsurprisingly :joy: ). Id recommend anyone give it a try, not least as its brilliant and very funny.

@MsR thanks for the recommendation. I did shove my head into that section of the website out of curiosity today. For me, the issue is always living in a shared house. If i was in my own place i would get one no problem, but keeping everything out of sight is an ongoing exercise, especially with such limited personal storage space. Something to consider for the future definitely though

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I also have a progressive neurological condition similar to MS that affects the whole of my right side. I also have fibromyalgia and a weird form of arthritis. The worst thing for me is the fatigue, though my balance is starting to worsen, too.

I’m pretty inventive when it comes to using everyday items to help me around the house and for my sex life but bought products are much better. One of my favourite items is my Liberator Wedge. Until Christmas, I’d only ever used it to help me have sex but I had a relapse that floored me over Christmas and the New Year so used it to prop myself up in bed to watch tell and eat. It’s still there as I’m not back to myself yet and the fatigue is worse than I’ve ever known it.

Enough moaning, though.

My sex life is hugely important to me and I refuse to give up so am happy to buy just about anything that’ll help. The one thing I own that I won’t be parted from is a doggy strap (I’m not sure the real name but that’s what we call it). Lovehoney doesn’t sell it and I’m a loyal customer so don’t buy elsewhere as the Customer Service here is amazing. However, my friend (an ex of mine) won’t usually buy online so pre-Covid we’d often meet and compare toys. I’ve also benefitted from her becoming single (forever, she says - she’s not had a lot of luck with men so can’t really blame her), as I’ve had some items she’s not got on with.

The doggy strap was one of these items that she no longer had a use for (hence I don’t know the real name). This simple padded strap with handles is amazing for doggy as I can’t hold the position for long and the strap (with my partner holding it obviously) keeps me from splaying Bambi-like.

Not only that, but the physics of using this also helps my partner keep in position. We’re a bit like one of those log-sawing teams when we have doggy as we kind of hold each other up! You’d probably find this ideal, Mr_Kink1 as you’d have support from your OH that might be great for doggy for you.

This is one item I’d love for Lovehoney to start selling (they might do already but I haven’t checked recently), along with a waterproof throw like The Throe. I don’t own a Throe as I haven’t seen one here, so I make do with a load of towels if I think there may be a bit of a mess. It’s not ideal as they bunch up, move around and obviously aren’t waterproof.

Hopefully, Lovehoney will see my plea (and know what products I mean) and start stocking them as they’d be helpful for anyone, disabled or not.

I was also lucky enough to get to test the position-enhancer chair. It arrived just after my relapse started so I had to make the effort to test it but it really did help as I could just sit there and let my partner get full access to do all the work. At a time when I had no energy to masturbate, this kept me going as there is nothing as depressing as being too unwell to orgasm.

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I have one of these as well and also call it this!! :joy: I got it so so many years ago, and cannot find a similar one anywhere, no matter what I search. I’ve looked a few times on Lovehoney as have often wanted to recommend it in different threads on the forum!

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My OH gets the fatigue too with her arthritis, she spends a lot of time asleep in her chair. I try to do as much as possible so that she can rest.

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Sorry to hear about the relapse, and the fatigue being bad too. Sometimes all can do is look after yourself and give things time. I have to say I am normally quite lucky that my body recovers within a day or two for me if I have over done things or just having a bad time. I hope you’re back to yourself soon enough!

I think I know what you mean re Doggy Strap, and actually have a couple of non-padded loop straps that I use in my wheelchair to hook round posts and such like to pull me up. It sounds like a shorter padded version - I will have a look around online. Love the visuals of the log sawing team, thank you very much for the suggestion, one to certainly give a try. At the moment we use restraint ropes fixed to the bed for me to hold onto, but I like the idea of being more connected together.

I make do with a load of towels if I think there may be a bit of a mess. It’s not ideal as they bunch up, move around and obviously aren’t waterproof.

Yes as you mention not something ideal available on LH - I did send an email to cust services suggesting a ‘sex aids’ type section (not everyone would think of looking at furniture and slings in bondage section - I spend a lot of time in bondage but didn’t consider looking there!)…
Anyhow, we went with a small padded waterproof incontinence sheet - it avoids the troubles you mentioned, when it’s not kink time it’s folded up under the bed.

I did get the Dominix large wedge, it certainly has its purpose but a little too big to be real use on a regular basis. So yeah I think next purchase is one of the Liberators, very tempted with the Jaz Motion. It looks like it could really help for my OH to set the rhythm that she would like. There is of course the wedge, and that looks to be a good safe bet. Choices choices ha ha.

Thank you vm for the feedback in terms of the chair also, it looks a great item, but I think far more beneficial for a female over male perhaps.

@SexInTheCity :cry: I was hoping I would be able to find one easy enough! Hmmm I feel an online hunt coming on after this weeks out the way.

@WillC An absolute gent! I can often forget how my condition doesn’t just affect me, and the things my OH does to help out. I do try may make sure I acknowledge though, and reward her with a cheeky spanking when she wants it.

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It just becomes second nature after a while, we just get on with it, if that makes sense?

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