I have a secret fetish I would love to share with my OH, but not sure how he would take it. We have been married a while, and I am afraid to share just in case he is disgusted, and I spoil what we have. Also, the longer I keep the secret, the harder it is to come clean. Seriously don't know what to do
Has anyone else been in the same situation? How did you share with your OH?
How did they take it? Did it affect your relationship?
Or is there anyone else out there, like me, struggling to know how to share a secret? Is your secret affecting your sex life?
I try to be honest,even in the beginning of my relationships about what I like.If they don't take it well- then they are not the person for me.I can see how it can become hard to come clean after a while,but the only way to get out of this situation is to share your desire with your guy.
I always fancied a bit of tying up, blindfolding, sense play but I never suggested it for fear of Mrs Moz thinking me a pervert!
After nearly 25 years of marriage, while browsing a 3 for £50 offer last year, she suggested a set of under the bed restraints. Well, we got them and she's loving our first forays into light bondage.
My advice? Try talking about it cos you never know - she may well be secretly yearning for something different too.
I would just be honest and ask what they think, I no its not always as easy as that, could u bring it up and say it about someone else r u had a dream about it just to see the reaction or what your other half thinks, or do you watch porn together? Could u see what they think through that if u don't just want to come out and say it, and after you have an idea of they feel then take it up with your other half :) I would Def do something about it
Hmmmm we always do better "talking" about fantasies while hubby is away on trips, so via messenger (yes, I know not so secure). Another thing we've done is a buy each other some gifts online idea. So I bought three things for him that I thought he might like to try, he bought three things for me. It's kind of snowballed from there and the sex just keeps getting hotter. Once you open up the communication, it's easier to ask for what you want, but finding a way to ask is diffucult sometimes.
I know SMS isn't "safe" but an I think you're super sexy and I love it when you wear, do..... truly it does wonders for a girls self esteem.
I have weird things I didnt think my man would do, but he has and like wise, there is things I've done that he has wanted that I never thought in a million years I'd like to do or enjoy but now are some of the things I enjoy most, life's too short not to enjoy our sex life! Speaking from experience you could be surprised how much your other half would be willing to experiment I know I shocked my self lol never mind my other half lol :)
Honesty is the best policy. If they love and respect you, they'll hear you out, and even if they're not into it, at least it opens up a window of opportunity to discuss other things you might both like. Will, Want, Wont lists are great too.
I don't have any fetishes Ihaven't shared with my husband but I did have a fantasy that I kept very secret until recently. I unintentionally told him about it while drunk (effing vodka!) and it was the first admission I've ever made that had him less than amused. It hurt his feelings as well as wounding his pride, despite the fact that I told him it was one of those fantasies I would never be brave enough to act out.
I do believe everyone should strive to be open and honest with their partner(s) but only an individual can intuit what their own partner is likely to want to do/be open to doing/freak out over.
If what your mind is cooking up is something you genuinely think he might freak out over, try suggesting other, less intimidating things you don't think he'll mind doing and invite him to make suggestions himself. Spice things up slowly, building on it until you eventually come out with your original desire.
Even then though, you may still find he wigs out like my hubby did (we've been together 16 years and there's nothing much on our 'not ever' list, yet he still hated my fantasy), but as ScarletRose said, if he loves and respects you (and himself) it probably won't be something that'll cause problems. My OH really didn't like my admission but it's water under the bridge already.
I have a fetish for pegging, he kind of knows but we haven't discussed it because I know he wouldn't be comfortable, maybe one day but he's an anal beginner and I'm not gonna push him. Some things are better left alone. You know him better than us, and only you know if you can live without it
I haven't at the minute, but it took me a very long time to confess that I was very much into being a submissive in the bedroom. It's such a big hurdle to take, but since I told him our sex life has been amazing and he's been more than willing to try things out.
I think if you're in a loving relationship, no matter what you're into your partner will somehow get the courage to try things out if he/she knows that it's something you would gain enjoyment from. My husband certainly did, and it turned out he really enjoyed it too! I would try and get the confidence to mention it, when I did it was a massive weight off my shoulders. But I know how hard it is to actually get the words out!
I know many won't get this but my secret fetish my OH doesn't know about is my urethral stretching, I've got a set of sounds and am currently up to a 14mm sound, my OH does like to finger my peehole but has no idea as to how she able to get nearly all her little pinky in it!
A few of my fetish likes we have shared together some she will indulge me in and others not so keen. But what I would like her to try on me I brushed over the subject once and the reaction I got was certainly enough to tell me not to go there again.
I've had a bi fantasy for many years and I've never really told my wife however we do pegging and prostrate massage so she probably suspects I'm into that kind of thing
It's the other way around for me- my man told me about his. And I'm fine with it! Actually it's opened my eyes and I have a much better idea about my sexuality now- it's actually the reason I found LH in the first place!
Have a little faith- if you and your partner have a good relationship then it's likely they'll want to indulge you in your fetish.
You make it sound so easy but the words are not so easy to find.
We do indulge but it's secretly on my part.
Marriedscot wrote:
I've had a bi fantasy for many years and I've never really told my wife however we do pegging and prostrate massage so she probably suspects I'm into that kind of thing
I don't think you need words, seems like you're right and she already knows :)
Mariedscot I'm in exactly the same situation, I'm bigender and have never had the conservation in full with OH but mentioned bits and bobs and from how I dress and behave he's figured it out, he just doesn't know how to talk about. He even calls me his boyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes you don't need words, it's just understood.
You make it sound so easy but the words are not so easy to find.
We do indulge but it's secretly on my part.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be glib- it wasn't that easy for him, I actually found out a lot later than I would have liked to and it made things a bit odd for awhile. The main thing I would say is communicate- if you aren't perfectly clear people can get the wrong idea-trust me! I'm just lucky in that it turned out OK in the end- which is why I was trying to reassure you that it can happen :)
Mariedscot I'm in exactly the same situation, I'm bigender and have never had the conservation in full with OH but mentioned bits and bobs and from how I dress and behave he's figured it out, he just doesn't know how to talk about. He even calls me his boyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes you don't need words, it's just understood.
Ha- the opposite to what I just said!
I guess it depends on the situation and the people. I just know that him not talking about it completely led to me thinking things were a lot more extreme then they actually were- so be careful!