It might be because my boyfriend is very very new to sex or that he just won't develop a like for my one big turn on. To be dominated. I like it when men are men, when he wants me so badly he'll just push me on bed, rip my clothes off and take me =[ he says he feels weird when we do anything like tht, from name calling to pulling hair.
I don't know what to do, do i go with out if he can't get his head round this. What do you lot do? =]
Perhaps he'll come around in time, if you start slow and small and just ask him to try one dominating thing at a time he might get more used to the idea, and maybe seeing how turned on it gets you will help aswell.
Obviously you can't force him to do something he's not comfortable with, but just ask him to think about it every now and then and see how he feels about it.
I remember when I was very new to sex, I found it really difficult to be dominant because i had really low self-esteem at the time, and I just didn't know what was acceptible back then. I've learnt now and I really enjoy it when i get my domme on. So it might just take him time to warm up to the idea.
Hope he comes to enjoy it in time! :) xxx
I don't know if this helps, but it could be that he's afraid that he might hurt you in some way... also if as you say he's new to sex it could just be that he needs time to develop as it were and after a while he might open up and become more assertive... :)
I say give it time. There was once a time when I was terrified of doing anything that might cause the slightest pain to my partner, but now I'll happily slap his ass as hard as I can, and not just because he does it back! Peoples' tastes do change over time, and it may well be something he'll build up to if you're willing to wait for it.
I understand yeah. I guess I went from the names to being physically rough tooo quickly lol.
I'm not that out there really, it's just general. Hair pulling, biting, scratching, throwing around a tad, you know?
I guess I've scared myself with the idea that he'll never be into it, or it'll turn him off completely. I understand him when he says he doesn't feel like he wants to hurt me, I guess asking a lover to hurt you a little goes completely against what they really want to do. I think he is self concious or insecure, I'm his first girlfriend and he's 23 and has only ever kissed people and that was years ago too. I just lost myself last night, since meeting him I'm getting kinkier in my own eyes. I love the way his cock looks in the cock rings and I love being spanked and I used to hate doggy, I felt a bit degraded and now its the position he looks dominant in and i like it, love it!
Maybe try playful defiance. Tease him with sexy outfits or a show, and refuse to let him have you until he's really wound up, then when he thinks he has you, keep pulling away (but make sure he knows you're playing rather than just being a contrary bitch). If he's hot enough to want to tear your clothes off, and has to hold you still a little, he might not associate that with the whole dominating thing. Have tried that with guys who were too self-conscious to do it, and by almost tricking them into a similar set-up, they found the next time they were happier to pin me down and take me because it was a game, and once they got a taste of that control they suddenly became more interested in experimenting with the boundaries of it. Think part of it is that it's hard to lead a willing follower unless you're already happy in the role; if you 'need' to lead them because they're fighting it, then the dynamic seems more natural. If that makes sense.
BashfulBabe wrote:
Maybe try playful defiance. Tease him with sexy outfits or a show, and refuse to let him have you until he's really wound up, then when he thinks he has you, keep pulling away (but make sure he knows you're playing rather than just being a contrary bitch). If he's hot enough to want to tear your clothes off, and has to hold you still a little, he might not associate that with the whole dominating thing. Have tried that with guys who were too self-conscious to do it, and by almost tricking them into a similar set-up, they found the next time they were happier to pin me down and take me because it was a game, and once they got a taste of that control they suddenly became more interested in experimenting with the boundaries of it. Think part of it is that it's hard to lead a willing follower unless you're already happy in the role; if you 'need' to lead them because they're fighting it, then the dynamic seems more natural. If that makes sense.
I'm not comfortable myself in outfits but I get what you mean. I have thought about maybe teasing him over a few days until he does pounce. He's only done it once and we didn't have time to go any further then kissing pressed hard against the wall in the hall.
:) haha has anyone had a 'thing' in which their partner didn't like or warm to?
Did have one guy who couldn't stand even the idea of anal. That pretty much sucked. Although we weren't compatable in far too many ways, so it's not like that alone ended the relationship.
Yeah, I couldn't do anal again, it damaged me so when my current boyfriend said he wouldn't mind trying it I had to think hard before declining because I really don't want to do anymore harm like. He's fine with that but I guess he didn't have a thing for it.
I just thought of something. He was very dominate in doggy when I stood up, it was our first time in that position and he lasted a lot longer than usual, he slapped me and called me names, and altho he said it felt weird seemed to be into it and he loved me on my knees and using my hair to thrust into my mouth... I guess this is light dominance or something?
bohohippy wrote:
Yeah, I couldn't do anal again, it damaged me so when my current boyfriend said he wouldn't mind trying it I had to think hard before declining because I really don't want to do anymore harm like. He's fine with that but I guess he didn't have a thing for it.
I just thought of something. He was very dominate in doggy when I stood up, it was our first time in that position and he lasted a lot longer than usual, he slapped me and called me names, and altho he said it felt weird seemed to be into it and he loved me on my knees and using my hair to thrust into my mouth... I guess this is light dominance or something?
Sounds promising, appears he is willing but may just take some time to feel comfortable. I agree with snoWMan he may be worried of going to far/hurting you so the more he gets to know you and your needs he will comply im sure... enjoy x
I'm in the same boat with my current GF, this thread may help (or may not!)
Try to explain it's not real malicious pain, but more of a fun role-playing game where things get a bit rough but you can yell "CUT!" at any time. Failing that, maybe we should swap OH's
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
It's become a regular thing now and I don't think he is actually aware he's doing it anymore. He torments me and aggitates me in bed before we go to sleep and he winds me up which ends in play fighting, but he doesn't seem to realise his own strength now. It's becoming a bit of a worry to me. I keep telling him to cut it out, but he thinks that I'm just saying it to try and 'win the game'. I've sat down and told him many times as seriously as I can that I'm not in the mood for the play fighting every night, spesh when I'm already in pain from my foot at the moment. But it just seems to go in one ear and out the other and the 'game' only stops when he seriously hurts me. My wrist has been hurting for a week now and he has bruised me a few times and even broke my nose a few months ago. I know that its accidents, and he really doesn't know his own strength, but I'm still really worried that he is going to seriously hurt me and not really realise what he's doing...
Wowzers! I'm not going to judge in any way as its your relationship but I reckon I'd be inclined to seriously make a point of telling him to wind his neck in a bit and watch what he is doing before something even more serious happens. I read your posts and I get the impression that if your other half was a twattocks you would say so (I'm just going by your posts on here, although its intended as a compliment, I hope it comes across that way) and wouldnt stand for anything serious but in my experience of being a ridiculous fuckwit, and I can be an out and out idiot, that sometimes you just need sitting down and telling straight that the other person doesnt find it fun/amusing/comfortable.
I hope the above makes sense, I have had a bit of a drink this evening!
Back on to the thread, in my preference i like females to be able to be bossy and dominant and let their kink out. A woman who knows what she wants and isnt afraid to say is a huge turn on in my book. Obviously its different strokes for different folks but in my opinion females should go for it and let their partners know exactly what they want and how they want it. I prefer being the more dominant in many aspects of me and the OH's sex life but if she winds up and wants me to be more sub then its good evening Vienna and what does mistress want.
So thats my advice, let him know what you want and see how it goes, if it looks like he's 50/50 then leave it for a short while and then just go for it anyway! Obviously if you do want to bring out your kink, dont bring it out after several bottles of smirnoff ice, in a pub, with all your friends present.
I apologise by the way for the meandering nature of this post
my wife and i do have alot of differences sexual likings wise, im very open and up for almost everything, she prefers to stick to what she likes and very rarely considers trying something new and takes a good while for her to think of something new she might like but i never pressure her into trying anything new, its all done with time and ONLY when she feels ready, never any sooner
me ad oh generaly are on the same wave length when it comes to sex im usualy the first to suggest but i might be coersed into thinking its my idea when really she has put the idea in to m head lol i dont mind im the sub in our relationship and would do anything she wanted to do anyway
Thank you for your advice and experiences =]
I think tbh, we need to get over his 1st problem (said by him) that he goes small sometimes during sex which is on a completely different thread. I thought we may of possibly got their (the time we had dominant sex in doggy) but it seems not. I'm going to start lightly, we do talk dirty and he likes tht. I'll try the turning him on to maximum at some point, and since he' going on holiday for a week in July and I'm away 3 weeks so he won't be able to do anything to me so if I send him a few naughty texts or pictures, hopefully he'll be begging for it next time.
I do have a dominance side but it takes a little longer for it to come out, only because I suppose the same reason, I don't know how he'll react. He seems turned on by the fact I can order him to go down on me or to let me suck his cock mid sex session. He likes his bum being smacked and he does like the cock rings on him too. I'm not sure if he likes biting much tho, I haven't really got feedback.
You sound like you're already sorted it Avrielle, but it sounds like it'd be a good idea for the future to set up a safeword so he can know that you really mean no.
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
Just an update on my earlier posts.
I had the chat with the OH and he seems to have stopped the play fighting altogether now. What a relief. Not happened the past few nights and we have just gone to bed, cuddled and gone to sleep instead of him winding me up relentlessly and driving me mad and ending with him hurting me.
I'm rather thankful for plucking up the courage to straighten this out.
Well done AA and glad ure happier =) Xxx
Im my current relationship my OH and I are very similar, both come from previous relationships where we have been doninated upon and sexualy never really had that much or although was decent enough didnt truley fullfill our needs so to say. Infact I think weve both become rather kinky as time has gone on and we love us..... equally.
I do however know bohohippy how you feel as I wanted to be dominated over by my previous partner but he was far more interested in otherthings rather than me. In short the relationship was bd for many reasons and not just sex =S.... good luck though and BBs advice is really good =)
even broke my nose a few months ago..
omg...emm i think serious words are needed..
i agree with sorriso, breaking ur nose is a bit much
Well, to be fair, I've broken a guy's rib once (actually twice, but the second was because they hadn't set right yet so I forgot about it, gave him a little shove and it cracked), just from a bit of messing about and falling so my whole weight went behind me and then landing the wrong way and a whole mess of little things: I couldn't have done it had I tried! So I'm willing to believe it could have been accidental, although surely that should have clued him in that the mess-fighting was a bad route to keep going down... Still, people can be dumb, and that doesn't necessarilly make them bad.
At least he's stopped, huzzah for communication wins!