Hi Aly, I don't think you were "totally out of order" and please don't call yourslef an idiot. Sounds like he started with the inappropriate comments regarding Tinder. You apologised and he sulked, you apolgised that's it, give it a few days and stop beating yourself up. As a father, I've seen my daughter, now in her early twenties from a girls perspective, seen her been manipulated by a few horrible boyfriends in her late teens that completely screwed her up with sulking, ignoring messages etc. Don't become a victim, don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Hope you work things out, but you've apologised enough already in my opinion.
Hi Allyblue don't be a stranger its for moments that were here for each other.
Keep posting tell us how your doing and getting on.
Big GG Hug Babe xxx
I'm glad others have raised the thought of a controlling/manipulative personality thing (I'm perhaps a bit over sensitive to it having watched a master of the art at work in my family). Although it may not be, the whole thing does have elements of control about it - making large of a minor 'mistake' of the controlee and being unforgiving of those mistakes, being critical of the controlee's relationship with others in order to isolate the controlee. And finally the establishment of a “I mean more to you than you mean to me” imbalance in the relationship. Unfortunately the controlling personalities seem to be able to pick out a promising controllable subject very quickly.
I'm glad you are on your guard. I think its important you let him do the running for a while to establish a proper balance in the relationship. If he doesn't want that you have learned all you need to know.
Gentle giant wrote:
I do agree with a lot of what's been said however I do feel he is playing you somewhat.
Knowing a little about you, the age and experience gab between you . He knows exactly what he's doing , its not very fair. Yes what wax said is not very good but his using it against you in the way he has chosen is typical of how some men use emotional blackmail to control women they know are devoted to them.
I have seen this unfortunately to often before, I'm not saying you should do anything different from the advice above, just be aware of it. Yes give him a few days but it will have to be you that does the chasing and apologizing to nurture his ego.
+1
Thanks guys for the advice :) He's keeping his distance a bit but at least messaging me casually, no emjois or lovey stuff though, but as you guys have said, just leaving him to it. Am feeling less down and s*** though :)
Gyrator53, unfortunately I also know that feeling :( hugs to you, even if I don't want to see them sometimes, i know the signs now. I won't let myself be controlled or taken advantage of ever again. OH's not like that , if he got like that though I'd make sure to a) tell him b) if he didnt change, get out. Think I just hit a nerve from a past relationship that ended badly. I'll post if anything changes :) thank you though x
and thanks for the hugs GG (hugs needed atm) hugs back xx
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better Aly. 😘
Little update - Looks like things have gone back to normal :) can feel he's still a bit off but that should go in time. He's not said any more tinder comments though so thing he knew that hit a sore spot with me and i know the boundary of banter now :). He's more cuddly for some reason....but sooo not complaining :) Thanks for the help guys....but i will keep in mind the manipulating element if a situation that hits that bell pops up. xx
AlyBlue wrote:
Little update - Looks like things have gone back to normal :) can feel he's still a bit off but that should go in time. He's not said any more tinder comments though so thing he knew that hit a sore spot with me and i know the boundary of banter now :). He's more cuddly for some reason....but sooo not complaining :) Thanks for the help guys....but i will keep in mind the manipulating element if a situation that hits that bell pops up. xx
Its a newish relationship so you both will make mistakes .Making up with each other after will make your relationship stronger in time .
I'm glad things are getting back to normal for you xAlyBlue wrote:
Little update - Looks like things have gone back to normal :) can feel he's still a bit off but that should go in time. He's not said any more tinder comments though so thing he knew that hit a sore spot with me and i know the boundary of banter now :). He's more cuddly for some reason....but sooo not complaining :) Thanks for the help guys....but i will keep in mind the manipulating element if a situation that hits that bell pops up. xx
Pleased you getting back on track everyone has arguments it's working through them and becoming stronger through them that makes it better and more worthwhile hope it's all good from now on have a hug 🤗 x
I'm glad things have sorted out for you and are better between you both.