eating disorders

Lets talk eating disorders. ?.. clear up the rubbish n talk effects on family, friends yourself.... it can effect anyone... tall, short, all religious backgrounds female and MALE.

Anyone used 2 suffer but is coming out the other end hows it effected your life etc

I was bulimic from 16-18 and always discuss in schools I work in as I get it..... I stopped when I had realisation after meeting oh a few months later went out for meal and then I left table and proceeded to make myself sick... so easy to slip back into even now 20yrs later but I fight the easy option (in my eyes) and stick to 'healthy eating'... my turning point was meeting oh / guilt.. I use to pretend I was running a bath to hide the noise when vomiting..... but its helped me in my job as sexting nowadays with teenage girls is all about self esteem... so I get it...as a schools officer ...... what can I say we all learn and wish we were different.. but if lucky learn to live with but not necessarily love who we are xxxx
Ps... not a self pity thing...hate that .. just realistic

Thanks for a great reply lustyjoy x

When I was 21, I still hoped that should I lose enough weight, I would look as attractive as any slim girl - I did not eat more than about 150-200 calories per day (while walking about 40km a day - walking was the only activity I felt strong enough to do) for about six or seven months. I lost loads of weight, yes, but also my periods (I did not have them for ten months) and was told to start eating again. Seeing I realized my skin was irreparably damaged (loads of loose skin, immense scars and stretch marks, stick-thin upper body BUT thick, sagging thighs), I did not really protest (and did not get any psychological counselling either, I just gave up,having learned I would always look unappealing, anyway, and obeyed my GP) because it would be pointless... Could I ever look any good? With that amount of hideous markings on my skin? Obviously not. Unsurprisingly, I gained some weight again, and I have been trying to excercise it off again - my new goal is to prove to myself that I can be better at sports than most people who are considered attractive. Ironically enough, this is quite obviously true - but in the end, it is still them who get all the attention while I am left on the "ugly, fat and undateable" shelf. Not exactly joyful, I know. I have been trying to find someone who would not mind but everyone just considers me... a way too "meh". And I constantly get told stuff like "if you tried to excercise a bit, your body would thank you, but don't be surprised no one wants you now". It is incredibly unfair and seriously heart-breaking...

Does it count as an eating disorder? If I am completely honest with myself, had my skin "shrank" enough to look "normal" and "nice" (and not like that of a scarred Shar Pei dog), I would have most likely carried on avoiding food. No idea how far I would have gone, though...

sassykitten;) wrote:

Thanks for a great reply lustyjoy x

Cheers in response to impact on families they nevet knew... except oh once I spoke to him I couldn't deceive .. told my parents when I was married and a few other issues I handled to make sure my younget sister stayed safe and didn't go through the stuff I did ..it made me who I am and im happy with that no regrets even the bad stuff made me stronger xxx

I've suffered with eating disorders for 11 years with episodes of recovery or partial recovery. My primary diagnosis was anorexia nervosa but at times I have also been diagnosed with an atypical eating disorder. I think atypical eating disorders rarely get recognised as being serious disorders and that needs to change. I was probably struggling the most psychologically when I had gained to an almost normal BMI yet most people assumed that since I wasn't emaciated anymore, I was better.

AN led to me losing my periods for years which in turn caused me to develop osteoporosis at 16. Thankfully my years of recovery/partial recovery allowed me to continue to build bone density so now my bone density is only slightly lower than it should be. I lost a lot of hair on my head, grew a lot on my body, developed oedema in my legs, muscle wastage...the list of physical complications is long but it is the social and psychological effects that have been most damaging. I am ashamed of the things I did to feed (no pun intended) my eating disorder. I am ashamed of the lies I told and of how I prioritised it above everything else. I find it sad that most of my teenage and early adult years are remembered through what I ate or weighed. I chose not to go on holidays or go out for meals with friends because I couldn't handle any changes to my diet and I wanted to hide the extent of my problem. I find it sad that I missed out on enjoying so many years because of the eating disorder.

Despite knowing eating disorders are hell, I still decided to go on a diet when I was 22. It didn't end well at all... It was as though the eating disorder had been napping, waiting for even the slightest thing to wake it from its precarious slumber. Once again I missed out on so many experiences because anorexia reduced my world to food and weight alone and physically I suffered much more than I did in my teens. During this bout of anorexia I also started to binge and purge which was absolutely terrifying to me. I had always been a restricting anorexic so this change was completely unexpected and very frightening.

I'm now 25 and finally feel like I am more on the side of recovery than illness. I can't even remember the last time I binged or purged and although I still count calories, it is so I can maintain my weight rather than to lose weight. There are days when I feel like giving up and going back to the comfortable hell of anorexia but I can also see a future now and being eating disordered will prevent me from having that future.

What helped me to get to this point is probably controversional; I stopped seeing the eating disorders service. I found the focus on weight gain wasn't helpful to me and I felt like a failure for being unable to follow my meal plan for a single day or fully commit to recovery. Instead of focusing on being recovered, I focused on having a better quality of life. I started pushing myself to do things that challenged me but weren't beyond my ability. I didn't try to gain weight, I just worked on maintaining my weight. It was a long process with lots of stops and starts but it worked for me. In fact, I finally have a menstrual cycle! I honestly didn't believe people were serious when they said they could predict when it would come within a few days.

I still have body image issues but that was never what anorexia was about for me. I may talk about being "fat" but it's just a code word for much deeper things. For me AN is heavily tied into my experiences as a woman and my sexuality. I have always seen looking womanly as dangerous but as I am becoming more comfortable with my body and my sexuality, I am able to see that my body didn't cause my negative sexual experiences and harming my body won't erase them either. Rather than seeing my body as the cause of bad experiences, I am now seeing it as just the site of those experiences. It's been a long road but I am starting to actually take care of my body and see it as part of me rather than something I just lug around.

Sorry for the essay...I guess I have a lot I want to say about eating disorders. Mainly I just want to say that people with ANY eating disorder deserve support and deserve a life free from the grips of eating disorders. I also don't think there is a right or wrong way to recover. For some people dealing with the physical side first helps, for others dealing with the emotional side first is a better plan and for others (like me) recovery only becomes a real possibility when it isn't the aim because the pressure to have the perfect recovery makes recovery impossible.

Thanks all so much for your replys, perhaps time for me to come clean of my reasoning behind my thread.. starts as a young child I was never a eater shall we say, growing up eating mainly veg n very healthy. I was never heavy n my mum was getting the blame she wasnt feeding me that all stooped, however as I got older I vaguely remember at about 10 I started secretly controlling what I was eating n how much, never openly or anything so no one knew.

Mum started to notice my fussyness n my activity still up with regular exercise but no mor cals going in ... nothing people said or did would make this better doctors nutiriousist no on... one of my lowest weights was in my teens of 4 and half stone. I still only 6 n half edging closer to 7 which im hoping ill b able to get to in this year which will b my highest ever weight.

Highlighting this im hoping will help people talk. Im hoping one day to tell my current boyfriend .. I never had a diagnosis or direct help ...

For many this could b life ir death ... atm im going great my weight up, n my food increased proberly as im doing so much exercise due to having horses...But I know on ooccasion it will hit me n ill start the process but I wont let thus shit control my future or destroy my chaces of being a mum one day(not yet thou aaaaaa)

sassykitten;) wrote:

Thanks all so much for your replys, perhaps time for me to come clean of my reasoning behind my thread.. starts as a young child I was never a eater shall we say, growing up eating mainly veg n very healthy. I was never heavy n my mum was getting the blame she wasnt feeding me that all stooped, however as I got older I vaguely remember at about 10 I started secretly controlling what I was eating n how much, never openly or anything so no one knew.

Mum started to notice my fussyness n my activity still up with regular exercise but no mor cals going in ... nothing people said or did would make this better doctors nutiriousist no on... one of my lowest weights was in my teens of 4 and half stone. I still only 6 n half edging closer to 7 which im hoping ill b able to get to in this year which will b my highest ever weight.

Highlighting this im hoping will help people talk. Im hoping one day to tell my current boyfriend .. I never had a diagnosis or direct help ...

For many this could b life ir death ... atm im going great my weight up, n my food increased proberly as im doing so much exercise due to having horses...But I know on ooccasion it will hit me n ill start the process but I wont let thus shit control my future or destroy my chaces of being a mum one day(not yet thou aaaaaa)

Six and half stone? ![](upload://jokG3WtlbVccWAgGjeuPxY6tITM.gif) *shocked* Can I ask how tall you are? (I lost my periods at 11 1/2 stone and was told to put weight ON - I have a very sturdy bone structure that makes me much heavier than I look, though.)

5ft 1 ish

Sassykitten: You are doing amazingly well on your own but you don't have to do it on your own if you don't want to. You have been really brave opening up on here. Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? Whether you choose to get formal support or not, the listening ear of a good friend can't be underestimated. Eating disorders can be very isolating and thrive on that isolation.

if you wanted some support you could speak to Beat (the eating disorders charity) who will know what support is in your area. They also have support groups which some people find useful. You could also speak to your GP who should hopefully be able to refer you to a dietician to help you make sure you are getting all the right nutrients and to help you gain weight in a healthy way. Your GP might also be able to refer you to a counsellor or to an eating disorder service if that's something you'd like (although it really is a postcode lottery with many ED services having waiting lists of over a year or only seeing people with incredibly low BMIs/health complications).

Wanting children is an excellent motivator to get and stay well ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif) Quickly checking on a BMI calculator it looks like your goal of 7 stone is the minimum healthy BMI for your height but everyone is different so you might find you feel healthier at a slightly higher BMI (I know that might be a scary thought but in time you might find weighing more than the minimum isn't a big deal).

You've dealt with this issue for a long time so try not to get disheartened if it sometimes feels like it is two steps forward, one step back (or even one step forward, two steps back). Recovery is rarely linear but that doesn't mean progress isn't being made.

I have experienced phases in my life with unhelathy calories intake and stupid fad "diets". I wanted to comment that teating disorders are all to common and I wanted to send you virtual hugs in this struggle and journey you are on. I have had to teach myself to love my body at various weights over time and pregnancies. That self loathing and body hate that some of us deal with can come out via eating disorders, self harm or depressive battles. Know you are not alone. I think you may be dealing with BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Please seek help if you can via online resources and I highly recommend a professional counselor.

This does affect your sexuality and ability to express yourself sexually in so many ways. When I was younger I was always so worried aobut how I looked naked that I did not fully experience what I could. Please don't repeat those mistakes. I had a partner once tell me that a real man understands your journey, the stretch marks, scars and imperfections. He was right and I wish the same acceptance of yourself as well.

I was bulimic when I was 13 until I fell pregnant at 16. My pregnancy saved me. Or I would have continued. But I didn't want to harm my daughter. I'm so glad I managed to pull out of it. I still sometimes relapse. But I am getting a lot better.

I was bulimic when I was 13 until I fell pregnant at 16. My pregnancy saved me. Or I would have continued. But I didn't want to harm my daughter. I'm so glad I managed to pull out of it. I still sometimes relapse. But I am getting a lot better.

Ink and Kink wrote:

I was bulimic when I was 13 until I fell pregnant at 16. My pregnancy saved me. Or I would have continued. But I didn't want to harm my daughter. I'm so glad I managed to pull out of it. I still sometimes relapse. But I am getting a lot better.

Virutal Hugs! Being a mom is a whole new perspective but also a source a stress that can trigger behaviors please take time for self care being a young mom too.

Ink and Kink wrote:

I was bulimic when I was 13 until I fell pregnant at 16. My pregnancy saved me. Or I would have continued. But I didn't want to harm my daughter. I'm so glad I managed to pull out of it. I still sometimes relapse. But I am getting a lot better.

Virutal Hugs! Being a mom is a whole new perspective but also a source a stress that can trigger behaviors please take time for self care being a young mom too.

She was a blessing in disguise. Since having her I have only self harmed a few times. Which sucks but the depression is an over kilL. She is the reason I'm still alive and the reason I started to do well in school. Although stressful. She is my entire life I will do everything I can for my beautiful girl!

My mum, a friend are vaguely aware but not fully... ive seen a dietitian but they gave me unrealistic goals n diet requirements ... my gp was good in giving me great pointer without eating loads n getting too bloated.... any1 spoken to partners about it? Not sure I can or should tell my bf or if im being silly n should?! Im pretty sure it something we dont all shout about... im lucky im doing ok n eating well

From a very young age I suffered from anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder. Unfortunately, I recieved no support for it (in fact was bullied for being 'fat' because they knew it got to me) as I was still on the scale for 'healthy weight' even though I was on the low end (I was actually all muscle no fat from horse riding) and I went through a couple of therapists until one actually told me they believed I had both, which was a huge turnaround from my previous ones not believing me based on my body weight. Because you have to be a walking skeleton to have an eating disorder, apparently. Anyway. I didn't exactly get help from that therapist either as they retired and I never tried to persue it with my GP, despite having a valid diagnoses now.

I was around 8 stone when I got pregnant, which was a traumatic experience both in that I had complications and the weight gain made me feel disgustingly out of control. I ended up gaining around 6 stone (despite having hyperemesis gravidarum, severe morning sickness the whole 9 months), which would be traumatic to any woman let alone one with an eating disorder. I hated everything about myself. With breast feeding I couldn't starve myself the way I wanted to and with my physical complications exercise was a no go, although the breast feeding came to an end when my diet had dropped to 500-600 calories a day due to my mental state. Horrible time. I don't honestly think my family will grow as I can't face pregnancy or the aftermath again and that breaks my heart.

But anyway. Now? I actually developed an anxiety disorder called emetophobia, literally translates as a fear of vomiting but actually leads to a range of food avoidance behaviours that further compounded my issues with food. Did I ever get over my initial eating disorder? I have no idea. I've stopped trying to decide which thoughts and habits belong to which mental health problem. I'm still very down on my body image and still have to work hard to eat properly, so no I guess I'm not 'out of it' yet. I don't think I ever will be though. But it's ok, life goes on :)

With regards to you telling your partner, if you think he'd support you then absolutely. Having someone on board properly is amazing. Maybe print out some information for him to have a read over so he understands the condition and explain that you don't expect him to fix you, but rather support you and understand why you have the problems you do. Good luck whatever you decide to do :)

TRIGGER WARNING

I was actually hospitalised when i was 15 for an ED.... I still struggle now it takes one comemnt that ive put on weight for me to go flying backwards...also the fact ive been putting on weight after next to nothing going in my mouth is not helping. Im so paranoid about my body right now. It's something that i dont believe you ever get over fully it's always there at the back of your mind and it really does take one little thing and you can go right back to the start again. I got worse when i was in hospital because i was around others who had bad eating habits. When i went in there i was on about 300 calories a day...within a month i was eating 100 cals a day. Every week they would try to weigh me and every time i would try and get out of the hospital. i would kick and scream and cry because at the end of the day it didnt matter what the scales said i was still fat. It also became a fight with the others to see who could lose the most weight. I learnt tricks.

What got me better was travel. Getting to travel and meet new people. Teach children to dance in differnet countires...that got me better. i couldnt teach a bunch of german kids when i was fainting from lack of food. I also made a close friend in hospital that helped me...We would get maybe an orange between us...split it in half and i would eat a segment if she did too..We both wanted so much for eachother to get better than we usually ended up eating the entire thing.

People dont understand and im sorry if thats not the answer you wanted to hear i really am but i want to be honest with you. However if you are telling someone you love i fully believe they will support you in any way they can. My REAL friends would take me out for a meal sometimes and not screw at me when all i ordered was a salad and they would coach me to eat, ask for a private table away from everyone else and sit with me for hours if thats what i needed to finish my meal. Others...well...i never had trouble making friends in school. Never but when i started with my ED i became 'they girl who never eats' i lost my name, i lost who i was and i was invisable to everyone. At my biggest i was 10 1/2 stone on a 5.3 frame. I never got called fat at that point although my dad did when i was younger regardless how small i was... but the only comment i got then was 'wow you have chunky legs' which i later found to mean 'your legs are so toned and fit looking'. It's like things get out of hand on here sometimes because people take things the wrong way...once you have a doubt in your head about eating then everything will be taken wrong. I have a friend who i was in hsopital with and she is STILL very ill... the other day she put on about 4lbs and her mum said 'darling you look great at least i can see you' that was enough to put her back in hospital. She was like a ghost and the comment was meant in the form of you have colour now...that was all' My teeth are also ruined because of it.

Helpful advice and Another trick i learnt in hospital, that actually helped me and also helped me to help a ton of others. Buy a meal and then just seperate off what you think you can eat. then half what you think you can eat and just try and eat that. Because there is food left over you think that your eating next to nothing...which sometimes you end up doing but i dont know...it helps slowly. There needs to be more out there though for people like this. It angers me when people can say 'men dont get eating disorders' because it means that guys fall though the net and dont think they have a problem becayse 'it's a girl thing'... the media is a terrible problem when it comes to ED. At my worst i had to ban myself from reading 'trigger magazines' such as glamour. Another idea and i am sorry this is going on. Get a big piece of paper and draw your arm 'life size' on it....then on top of that draw around your ACTUAL arm....and you will see how different your body is to what you are seeing.... this was the hardest thing i ever done but also the most effective.

Another play that would maybe be good to let your friends read is 'hard to swallow' in in depth shows how an ED can affect an entire family but at the same time how the patient feels.. It helps you see 'their' side but for them also to see yours....

You may also be diagnoised as EDNOS... i was with a girl in hospital that had that... It means eating disorder not otherwise specified.... whereas i was anorexic...the bulemic...then 'EDNOS' .... I went though the lot. I hope this helps abit. I'm sorry im really tired right now and ive taken so many painkillers to try and sort my pain out that im even more sleepy but please leave any comments on here i will be sure to reply. I have no problem talking about my past in a place like this where im helping and not being judged xxxxxx

PS: Im really sorry about how long that is. I wanted to cover everything but didnt realise how much i had ranted on