Ok so i found so old pictures of an ex (lets just say there the right kind) would it be wrong that im now in a new relationship to get turned on by these and have a play?
I don't really like the terms wrong or right a lot of the time but they do serve as useful constructs. If you find the pics arousing there isn't really much you can do about that.
Instead of thinking about the 'wrongness' of masturbating over the images think about potential consequences. Its unlikely you will harm anyone masturbating over the images so in that sense it is not wrong but I imagine if your new partner found them or caught you they would be upset. Perhaps keeping/using the pics demonstrate a deeper problem (sorry to go all psychologist!) such as still having feelings for her/him.
So essentially I wouldn't say it was 'wrong' but that doesn't mean its sensible.
Yeah i see the point you both make and thank you, i guess the other way id have to look at it is what would i do if i found my OH doing the same thing so on that note just the once is fine and destroy the disc with the pictures on.
But yes headsouth im very happy with where i am now and would not like to go back to the past.
Thanks
I see no problem with that although I think you've answered the question in your mind already.
As a rule of thumb, I think traces of an old reationship should be cleared away. It's unecessary clutter. And if they're X rated, it's good ettiquette to delete them.
However, if you're feeling quilty, it may be because you know your partners feelings would be hurt by this. Some people would be fine with their partners keeping pictures, others would not be. But her feelings shoud definitely come into the equation.
It's highly likely that your girlfriend fantasises and fiddles over lovers past and other people besides yourself. Then again she may not. If the thought upsets you, it's fair to assume she could be a bit miffed.
In conclusion, people find things. Women have intuition and you may find yourself in an awkward position. I personally would be in the camp that believes when a man is with me it's because he's choosing to do so and who he wanks over is of no interest to me. However, your girlfriend may be very understandably upset and be more concerned about if you felt it necessary to hide this from her.
Thats some good points thank you tigerlilies.
In my mind ive veiwed it as porn and nothing else just some sexy pictures to wank over,but i know that if my OH found them then it wouldnt go down too well,
We're both highly sexed so i would imagine that she has the odd fiddle over past sex and that doesnt bother me because like you said we choose to be together and we've been quite open with out pasts.
So the pictures are gone and back to regualr porn lol
You're welcome.
You can't control feelings but you can control how to act in response to them and some of the consequences that arise.
Your welcome, Mac. There's a hella lot a good porn out there, so plenty to choose from!
im i the only one that thinks this really wrong and out of order?
id hit the roof if i found my OH wanking over pictures of his ex! id hit the roof if i found x rated pictures of his ex full stop to be honest!
its one thing having photos of past holidays and days out togther other old things, but things of an x rated nature are competely differant in my book esp if you use these to get off on.
porn is one thing, i dont mind about that aslong as its not porn that u can intreract with ie i dont agree with cams.
i also dont think its right to watch look at pics/porn you made with an ex, when your with a new partner. theres a connection there and so its not just as simple as a wank to some porn u find on like red tube.
it would feel like cheatting a bit to me.
Arh! Typo, that should be you're.
Id just like to point out its not a regular thing and thank you for your comment diamonds, i can very much asure everyone that it was a one off.
I found them the other day and couldnt help myself,but usually im just a regualt porn watcher
diamonds wrote:
im i the only one that thinks this really wrong and out of order?
id hit the roof if i found my OH wanking over pictures of his ex! id hit the roof if i found x rated pictures of his ex full stop to be honest!
its one thing having photos of past holidays and days out togther other old things, but things of an x rated nature are competely differant in my book esp if you use these to get off on.
porn is one thing, i dont mind about that aslong as its not porn that u can intreract with ie i dont agree with cams.
i also dont think its right to watch look at pics/porn you made with an ex, when your with a new partner. theres a connection there and so its not just as simple as a wank to some porn u find on like red tube.
it would feel like cheatting a bit to me.
I think that's an excellent point that shows how much it's about knowing what your partner would feel about such a thing. If someone knew it would upset their partner, then it's not a cool thing to do.
diamonds wrote:
im i the only one that thinks this really wrong and out of order?
id hit the roof if i found my OH wanking over pictures of his ex! id hit the roof if i found x rated pictures of his ex full stop to be honest!
its one thing having photos of past holidays and days out togther other old things, but things of an x rated nature are competely differant in my book esp if you use these to get off on.
porn is one thing, i dont mind about that aslong as its not porn that u can intreract with ie i dont agree with cams.
i also dont think its right to watch look at pics/porn you made with an ex, when your with a new partner. theres a connection there and so its not just as simple as a wank to some porn u find on like red tube.
it would feel like cheatting a bit to me.
Horses for courses.
I don't want to go all philosophical but no one's rights were violated or harm caused. That's usually good enough for me. It has the potential to cause harm but he didn't so get on with it.
Ring fencing sex as the ultimate be all and end all is strange in my opinion. Horses for courses again, I'm sure plenty of people would get more jealous of some happy holiday snaps, given the happiness and emotional fondness for it, than some sexy snaps randomly taken.
It seems irrational to me to react so strongly when I doubt people would react as such if they really enjoyed that holiday and wished they were back there. I agree that I would not like it but that doesn't make it wrong in my opinion.
But then I deny 'wrongness' as an objective concept!
I can see why a person might initially think - "that's wrong" because it might be hurtful. But as Hella says - loved up couple photos of you and your ex on holiday would be more upsetting - yet if someone said "I made my partner delete his holiday with ex photos" people would rightly thing that was wrong action of the new partner! So why isn't it the same with sex photos?
That said, I'd get upset if my OH were wanking over his ex, but I'd explain my issue and I'm sure he would offer not to wank over them anymore....I'd never ask him not to though. He'd be doing me a favour, not owing me anything!
Axx
WandA wrote:
diamonds wrote:
im i the only one that thinks this really wrong and out of order?
id hit the roof if i found my OH wanking over pictures of his ex! id hit the roof if i found x rated pictures of his ex full stop to be honest!
its one thing having photos of past holidays and days out togther other old things, but things of an x rated nature are competely differant in my book esp if you use these to get off on.
porn is one thing, i dont mind about that aslong as its not porn that u can intreract with ie i dont agree with cams.
i also dont think its right to watch look at pics/porn you made with an ex, when your with a new partner. theres a connection there and so its not just as simple as a wank to some porn u find on like red tube.
it would feel like cheatting a bit to me.
Horses for courses.
I don't want to go all philosophical but no one's rights were violated or harm caused. That's usually good enough for me. It has the potential to cause harm but he didn't so get on with it.
Ring fencing sex as the ultimate be all and end all is strange in my opinion. Horses for courses again, I'm sure plenty of people would get more jealous of some happy holiday snaps, given the happiness and emotional fondness for it, than some sexy snaps randomly taken.
It seems irrational to me to react so strongly when I doubt people would react as such if they really enjoyed that holiday and wished they were back there. I agree that I would not like it but that doesn't make it wrong in my opinion.
what about if his GF did found out though, and feels how i do about it, wouldnt her feelings and thoughts be harmed and violated though? so if that is the case then actually yes you are hurting someone and violotaing there feelings and beliefs.
see holiday snaps day out photos dont really bother me, i have some myself, but there, to remind me of the countrys and places ive seen and been to not with the person i was with. he just happend to be in the photos cos i was with him.
however with sexual ones thats differant imo, its totaly more intermate with feelings and emtions ect that pic will mean something to you, where as the pics above will mean something but that something to me is just reminders of places youve been ect ect.
Hella Rouge (LH) wrote:
This is being tangent-tastic, so I'll provide a summary in brief: Hide them well, don't get caught doing it and for God's sake, don't let it turn into an ex-infatuation. ;)
see that shows your doing something thats wrong/going to hurt someone, if it didnt you wouldnt need to hide it or worry bout getting caught.
well imo it does, but were all differant and the world would be a boring place if wasnt!
Dxx
Going all philosophical again...
But... You don't have the right to dictate your partner's autonomy in such a way, in my opinion.
If Ad wanted to frig herself silly over an ex I might not like it but I have no right to stop her, she could stop for me or I could ask but I do not and should not control every element of my partners sexuality. We might reach some compromise but if I went mad I feel that's a wholly inappropriate response.
His partner's right to not be upset should not trump his right to masturbate how he wants (as long as its safe). In my opinion, thinking it is wrong because it would upset her prioritises her feelings/wellbeing/liberty/'right to do as each please' over him.
As for hiding to not get caught.... It doesn't always show you are doing something wrong, it could be that the partner is irrational/insecure etc.. It might purely be a matter of practicality.
WandA wrote:
Going all philosophical again...
But... You don't have the right to dictate your partner's autonomy in such a way, in my opinion.
If Ad wanted to frig herself silly over an ex I might not like it but I have no right to stop her, she could stop for me or I could ask but I do not and should not control every element of my partners sexuality. We might reach some compromise but if I went mad I feel that's a wholly inappropriate response.
His partner's right to not be upset should not trump his right to masturbate how he wants (as long as its safe). In my opinion, thinking it is wrong because it would upset her prioritises her feelings/wellbeing/liberty/'right to do as each please' over him.
As for hiding to not get caught.... It doesn't always show you are doing something wrong, it could be that the partner is irrational/insecure etc.. It might purely be a matter of practicality.
i guess it deepends on what your feelings and opions are, on whats over stepping the mark.
for me theres a line with porn and porn that you interact with and/or have emtions and feelings connected to.
i personaly dont care if my OH wanks to porn, i do care however if its to something like a cam where his interacting or to pics or vids of his ex as theres a part of you involded with it unlike in just a normal red tube vid. and to me that would feel like cheating as im there so if he wants someone to send him dirty pics to get off on or talk dirty to on msn or what ever im his GF i do that, by doing it with someone eles your having a connetion with that person and to me thats over stepping the mark and cheatting.
if he wants to wank and get off and knows the partners feelings then why doesnt he just watch the red tube if all your saying is this pics are just the same as other types of porn, its just something that arouses him but knows the partners feelings then why use that and just not the other regular porn that they have no problem with and if it turns him on?
but is wanking more important then your partners feelings. i find it quite a selfish thing to do, to put a wank before your loved ones feelings ect ect.
as for your last line, i dont agree with that and want to write why but i gotta get ready for the docs lol.
anyway as i said it all deepends how u see things and what u belive and think is right and what your bounderis are. and as were all are differant so are these things.
Dxx
I agree with the majority of what has been said, to me a new relationship is a fresh start. Id be devasted if i found he was using images of his ex to pleasure himself, i think it would make me feel as though the images i provide arent good enough and it would really knock my confidence and make me wonder if he still wanted her in that way. With porn there is no connection as such, but when its stuff from previous relationships i think its best not to go down that route as like others have said your partner may be v v hurt if they ever discovered the images or find out you were getting off over them! x
I'd like to thank everyone for their comments so far. I'd like to add that I have destroyed all the images as they were on a disc,I know saying it was a one off won't matter to some people but in my own defence I was just a one off, after cleaning out an old room I find the disc and looked at what was on there as anyone would naturally do.
So this was deffinatly a one off and I don't have anymore pictures of any other girls or even my ex. But I understand all sides which is the reason why I posted and indeed joined the forums on here to hear such a difference in opinon.
I am more than happy with my current partner and we both enjoy watching porn either together or alone.
And I certainly don't intend on replacing the real thing for vid/pic/cam subtitute lol
i believe that it is natural to feel arroused by pictures like that of an ex if you were the one that took them where it would remind you of the feelings and excitement that came with taking them. but i feel you have definately done the right thing by getting rid of them especially if your in a new relationship and not a good idea to have a play over them. i know if my wife played over pictures of an ex it would make me feel rather small and second best. Well done to you for doing the right thing :)