I get where you are coming from Ecks. There was a lot happened when we split up and I got full custody of my son, my ex didn't even get access because of what he did. He did phone me last year and made a whole load of promises which he didn't keep. As far as I'm concerned he has burned his last bridge.
Ah, a complicated situation then. Personally, I would add him just to see what happens, as of course on Facebook it's easy to ignore someone or block them if need be if things start going bad. I don't know the details of what went on between you but it does sound serious so I wouldn't blame you for whatever decision you made.
For now I have decide to just leave things as they are. I have neither accepted or rejected the request. I want to see if he makes any other moves or just leaves it as it is. And yes you are right it's a complicated situation.
Did he actually send a message, or just the blank request? They're pushing this Friends Finder dealy, which checks against your e-mail contacts and so forth to auto-invite anyone you know, so if he ran that without checking, it might have just seen you in his "I have e-mailed" list and sent the request without him even noticing. Not saying it's not another head-game, since he does seem the sort, but could be worth thinking about if it was just an accident.
Regardless, screw 'im, if he wants to make some kind of effort, that's his call, but you certainly don't owe him anything, and it's hardly like he'll spontaneously combust if you reject his friend request on Facebook: only a total child would get upset over that - and if he's still like that, better off without him having access - and someone reasonable would understand that a random, unsolicited friending after all that history won't be met with a cheer and welcome party.
In my mind I think that if I ignored him, he would get the impression that I was still not over him and still angry with him.
So I would add him, take a nose through his profile, freinds and photo's, then send a message telling how fantastic you're life is. You'll be able to guess what he's up to from his reply. If he starts being a pain you can always block him, but at least you will know.
Sorry Suze, I know this is your thread but thought I'd give a little update on my situation.
I still hadn't had a message from my ex so thought I'd send him one, nothing nasty, just straight to the point, what did he want.
I got a reply, I don't want to be friends but I do want to see my son, I'm still his dad whether you like it or not.
Not too nasty a reply but then I got a message from his girlfriend and that was nasty, calling me a bint and telling me not to get mouthy with 'her man'. Excuse me but when did I get mouthy?
Deep down I knew that was going to happen. I'm so angry that I want to send a nasty message back but I will rise above it. If he wants to see his son he can go and see a lawyer and 'try' and get access though the courts. After me getting full custody of my son, my lawyer advised me if he wanted to see his son in the future then that was the route I should go down because of his previous actions.
sexy little minx wrote:
Deep down I knew that was going to happen. I'm so angry that I want to send a nasty message back but I will rise above it. If he wants to see his son he can go and see a lawyer and 'try' and get access though the courts. After me getting full custody of my son, my lawyer advised me if he wanted to see his son in the future then that was the route I should go down because of his previous actions.
Good for you lovely!
You're handling it in the best way, and in fact, the idiot girlfriend may have helped you use the courts method rather than giving him "one last chance".
Hope it all works out lovely!
Adx
sexy little minx wrote:
Sorry Suze, I know this is your thread but thought I'd give a little update on my situation.
Hey no problem !!! At least you know why he tried to friend you now. I sometimes think things would go so much better if the new partners stayed out of things, why would you let your son near a woman who was so nasty to you. You are the better person here and if his son meant that much to him he would have done the court route to see him as soon as you had been awarded full custody xxx
You tried SLM!
You've done more than enough for your kid so you can certainly sleep easy!
Thanks for the support guys. It means a lot. x
Ugh, that's fairly nasty. At least you can be civil and perfectly correct telling him he's more than welcome to head to his solicitor and see what happens, always good to be so right that you can be superior without being bitchy. And the other wench just needs to keep her nose out, keep ignoring her and let her go find some other trollop to bait into a fight: she might be a Jezza Kyle reject, but you've got class, and the law on your side, so she can go whistle.
Good on you for being so strong, I don't envy your situation at all. x
sexy little minx wrote:
Sorry Suze, I know this is your thread but thought I'd give a little update on my situation.
I still hadn't had a message from my ex so thought I'd send him one, nothing nasty, just straight to the point, what did he want.
I got a reply, I don't want to be friends but I do want to see my son, I'm still his dad whether you like it or not.
Not too nasty a reply but then I got a message from his girlfriend and that was nasty, calling me a bint and telling me not to get mouthy with 'her man'. Excuse me but when did I get mouthy?
Deep down I knew that was going to happen. I'm so angry that I want to send a nasty message back but I will rise above it. If he wants to see his son he can go and see a lawyer and 'try' and get access though the courts. After me getting full custody of my son, my lawyer advised me if he wanted to see his son in the future then that was the route I should go down because of his previous actions.
Well done on not sending the cathartic nasty message back to her/them. All too easily done and regretted over time. As the product of a "broken" so called home, l always remember mum never said a word re her reasons while dad never shut up for ages. I know who l respect as having come out of the process smelling of roses!! Keep it up, and your solicitor is the person to see if you think things are at that stage, you know the bloke- your ex- after all.