Hi all, I hope I can get a bit advice from the community please? I have recently, i.e. in the space of 4 days been having really vivid dreams and fantasies of my GF and her best female friend having sex with me joining in. I am a little embarrassed about this and I feel quite guilty having these dreams, should I confess to my GF or leave it alone?
Howdy KK
That really depends on the depth of your relationship. My first question is - how would you respond if she told you that she was dreaming of you and your best guy mate? If not well, then perhaps today is not the day.
Also, it is not a confession as much as admission. You didn't do anything wrong, but you do have to consider how, when, where you discuss it for her emotional state.
Other will likely have more and better advise.
Cheers!
I suppose it depends why you considering telling her.
If it really is just a nighttime dream, then I would say a word. I have dirty dreams about all manner of people and sometimes I tell my husband, usually when it's totally random or a bit odd and think he might laugh. Other than that I just enjoy them and keep quiet. It's totally harmless and I don't think he needs to know the ins and outs of every dream I have.
However, if you would like to bring it up in the hopes of it becoming reality then that's different.
Only you know the sort of realtionship you have and how she might react.
If my hubby told me he'd had this dream about me and my best friend i'd jus laugh and say good for you. he could have the same dream every night for a year, but it would always be just that. and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I can understand though that if a lady was not so confident it might be something that would trouble her.
Have to agree with Lady S. only you know your relationship. Are you hoping to initiate the scenario or just feeling guilty? For more in depth help we probably need a little more info.
It depends how open you are in your relationship about discussing these things, you are the best judge of how she would react if you told her. She possibly may be upset that the dreams involves her best friend rather than just a random woman.
Would you be telling her just because you want to share a sexy fantasy or do you want to make it a reality?
I have recently had a few dreams where I had sex with another woman while my husband watched , I told him about it although he didn't say alot at the time I later got the feeling he found it a turn on. Since then I've wondered what it would really be like to do it and I know he'd be up for it for real. We sometimes talk about it during sex but at the moment thats as far as I'd go but never say never!
You could try asking your girlfriend if she's had any dreams of a similar nature, if yes then you could share yours.
I have had a few dreams where my guy is cheating on me in my dreams...He gets told off in the mornings :D I have also had sex dreams about other people and I tell him about those too...and I get told off! lol
Thing is, we cannot control our dreams and they shouldnt be taken literally or as to mean you have done anything wrong. Heck, if we could control our dreams I am pretty sure more of us would be looking forward to bedtime. You can bet your ass your girlfriend has had sex dreams at one time or another too. The dreams can mean nothing, or they can mean that you'd like to me part of that sex scene and that's why your dreaming it...because its a hot thought!
Either way, fantasies and dreams are not something to feel guilty about. Fantasising and dreaming isn't cheating. I guess the only thing to consider is that she may start to think you are attracted to her friend, which still isnt wrong (provided you don't act on it, or cheat on her - unless thats something she wants to happen) but it may make her feel a little insecure or nervous about your feelings for her friend.
Like others have said, only you know what her most likely reaction would be. To be honest, if you are worried this may upset her, I would personally not mention it because it seems it is the guilt that is making you feel like you should fess-up, but you havent actually done anything wrong. Why admit to something you have no control over, that is technically not doing anything wrong, which could cause problems, resentment, jealousy and maybe upset her friendship or your relationship?
As above, whether you mention it is dependent on how she's going to take it .... but also on why you are telling her!
Without getting in the complexities of cheating (which this isn't) there's the arguement of "just because something needs to be said, doesn't mean it needs to be heard".
In this case I'd say that arguement is greater though. Fluffbags said "he gets told off in the mornings :D", and while that might be (I dunno...maybe you're vicious Fluffbags :-p) jokey I can certainly say one girl I went out with a few years back was really jealous and used to go in a bad mood with me for a day or two quite regularly because she'd dreamt I'd done something. You could really upset your partner by mentioning this.
I think the important bit to address though, is why do you feel guilty? If it's really just a dream while you're asleep and that's it then there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Dreams are complex and aren't as easily understood as we'd like, a dream doesn't even necessarily suggest you have an attraction to her mate (or whatever else you feel it makes you guilty of).
Next! Why should you feel guilty if you ARE attracted to her best friend? You're allowed to be! You're also allowed to be attracted to the lass who serves you coffee, the one who you work with, the stranger on the bus, hell the alluring shaped potplant in the office if it does it for you! If you're in a 'traditional' type of relationship you probably aren't allowed to hit on or fool around with the friend, but that stuff is a choice you make - attraction isn't, it's just chemistry. As long as it stays a dream/fantasy then you don't need to feel guilty.
scarab9 wrote:
As above, whether you mention it is dependent on how she's going to take it .... but also on why you are telling her!
Without getting in the complexities of cheating (which this isn't) there's the arguement of "just because something needs to be said, doesn't mean it needs to be heard".
In this case I'd say that arguement is greater though. Fluffbags said "he gets told off in the mornings :D", and while that might be (I dunno...maybe you're vicious Fluffbags :-p) jokey I can certainly say one girl I went out with a few years back was really jealous and used to go in a bad mood with me for a day or two quite regularly because she'd dreamt I'd done something. You could really upset your partner by mentioning this.
I think the important bit to address though, is why do you feel guilty? If it's really just a dream while you're asleep and that's it then there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Dreams are complex and aren't as easily understood as we'd like, a dream doesn't even necessarily suggest you have an attraction to her mate (or whatever else you feel it makes you guilty of).
Next! Why should you feel guilty if you ARE attracted to her best friend? You're allowed to be! You're also allowed to be attracted to the lass who serves you coffee, the one who you work with, the stranger on the bus, hell the alluring shaped potplant in the office if it does it for you! If you're in a 'traditional' type of relationship you probably aren't allowed to hit on or fool around with the friend, but that stuff is a choice you make - attraction isn't, it's just chemistry. As long as it stays a dream/fantasy then you don't need to feel guilty.
Most definitely jokey! lol We do it to each other. I honestly cannot fathom in the slightest, why someone would ACTUALLY have a dream that their partner did something and then go in a real mood with them about it! What is this? Tell you what, if someone did that to me and actually made me feel bad because of a dream they had, i'd laugh in their face and say BU BYE THEN, because those people will not be suitable for me.
I mean, if you flip out at someone because of your own dreams, technically, what you are doing is making someone else feel rubbish, for something YOU did, which neither of you had any control over and if they are gunna get arsey about something like that, god help them when real problems hit! They just might have a meltdown lol.