After I split up with my first long term boyfriend over a year ago I decided it was time to try out some toys as it seemed like all my girlfriends had something and I didn't know what all the fuss was about! I wanted to try a vibrator before but my boyfriend at the time was not too keen on the idea. I had been definately missing out and my new vibrator and dildo became my best friends and have been getting used very regularly since then.
Now I have a new boyfriend for about 5 months and feel quite guilty as I still like to use them and he has no idea I even have a vibrator. I'm not sure how he would feel and I don't really want to mention anything to him as I like to use them in private. As we don't live together I usually see him in the evening and I feel a bit weird that I've probably had my dildo in me not long before seeing him and he has no idea.
I'm not really sure what I feel guilty about as I'm sure this is not too uncommon. Any thoughts for reassurance please?
you have nothing to feel guilty about everyone masturbates, im sure your new boyfriend doesn't tell you every time he does it, so unless he asks dont stress about it.
as for how he feels about sex toys, your going to have to ask him to find out, maybe start the conversation about sex in general on stuff he does like and other stuff your not sure about, throw in sex toys into the convesation.
There is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. According to science research around 100% of men masturbate and 70% of women masturbate, and the 30% that dont are liars.
As a guy I found it odd to use toys as it felt like it made me less of a man, but I got over that archaeic idea with the help of my girlfriend and I am not free to enjoy all manner of technology.
If you are enjoying yourself then there is little to worry about. I think that most gys find it a turn on and the use of toys only enhances that fantasy. Maybe bring it up with him sometime, but don't feel obligated. It is your orgasm so you are the boss of it!!!
I'm sure he masturbates so don't feel guilty. I bought all of our toys and we have numerous ones. I know my wife uses them when I'm not there in fact I actively encourage her. WE do of course use them together.
Some of my toys were actually suggested by my OH and he loves to use them on me - I think most blokes find them a turn on! But you don't to tell him - and certainly don't have to feel guilty!
Casually bring up sex toys and gage his reaction. I'm sure most guys would like the idea of their lady using a sex toy. Men who don't are usually insecure for whatever reason or think that toys are their replacement. Make sure your new guy knows it's not a replacement, it's just how you prefer to masturbate.
Pleasuring yourself is perfectly normal and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Do you really think that your boyfriend doesn't pleasure himself when your not there?
Also getting to know what you like and what turns you on will help make your sex life much more satisfying. It should make you more confident and this can't be a bad thing. Don't ever feel guilty, there is no need.
If you are thinking of introducing sex toys into your sexlife with your boyfriend, then why not leave your laptop open on the Lovehoney site. I first heard about Lovehoney from a tv advert and went online to find out more. You could tell him the same. Then judge his response. You don't know he might already have toys of his own and he might have used toys with previous girlfriends.
i hope this helps to offer a different view, and please don't feel guilty just enjoy.
Never ever feel guilty huni!!! Gezz, he's probably pinching one off every night! Fun Louise, that's a brilliant idea about the laptop! Both parties playing with toys is always so much more fun, but I am partial to playing lots by myself too, don't get me wrong.
I hate that you felt like that in the first place! x
Very early on after meeting wife to be I used to feel major guilt about looking at porn and my special alone time. I think the guilt is a natural response to being in a committed relationship. I overcame it when it turned out she liked watching it with me and we fooled around together watching it. Never looked back. The suggestions above are all good. U should feel guilty anyway. But bringing it into the relationship will probably do good things for you.
I completely understand the feeling of guilt. I had purchased a masturbator about one month ago out of curiosity and excitement. However, my experience buying it was not so great to begin with. I had went to my local adult shop and needless to say the salesperson was low key judging me for asking so many questions/ wanting to see what the item looked like.At the time of purchase I was already feeling shame since I know as a guy Iām seen kinda perverted for buying something like that. What didnāt help was the salesperson made comments about what I picked saying āah okay so that what you like!ā in a low key judgy way. At the end of the ordeal I just felt judge for getting what I got. I tried to not think about it but when I got home it the feeling just got worse. When I tried to use in the first five min I just couldnāt avoid the feeling of shame, guilt, and disgust that I felt. I quickly realized that it wasnāt the way I felt about the toy but about me using it. On top of guilt and shame the toy only causes me pain when I used it so it was just overall a bad experience for me. So I completely understand what you mean about guilt. Itās a feeling that makes you question your morals. Needless to say I ended up throwing it away the next day and unfortunately there went $150.00 down the toilet. On the bright side at least I can say I donāt feel the shame or guilt anymore since throwing it away.
anon57117065
When you feel comfortable with this relationship you will know the time to bring up the subject of masturbation. That conversation should open up great communication between the two of you. It will give you both an insight into each others needs. Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life and nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. My husband was very open about his solo play even demonstrating what he did very early in our relationship. This sharing of experience brought us closer together and was so sexy.
Hi @Anthony05 firstly welcome to the forum .
Secondly, sorry to hear you were made to feel ashamed, maybe the store worker wasnāt so much judging and maybe more just uncomfortable their self maybe. But if not, then that is a bad trait of their character not yours! Nobody has the right to make someone elseās feel that way.
Hopefully youāll enjoy the forum, nobody judges anyone here and Iām sure you will read lots of comments that will show you there is absolutely no need to feel ashamed
To me masturbation is self care. It is totally separate from my relationship with my husband (unless heās watching), itās about my relationship with me and my body. I feel no guilt or shame in taking care of myself, in the same way I donāt feel guilty about having a massage, getting my hair cut, going for a run or having a nap. Itās good for me, it relieves stress, helps me sleep, itās good for my complexion (apparently), helps with blood flow (Iāve heard) and, above all, makes me feel good without spending money or consuming calories. Knowing what you and your body likes can only enhance your physical relationship with your partner as far as I can see.
Obviously some people have hang-ups from their upbringing that can colour their view of masturbation but if it doesnāt serve you itās a really good idea to work on letting that baggage go. As for being judged in adult shops, Iāve never felt that way but Iām sorry you had that experience. I find it unlikely that the questions you asked hadnāt been asked before by other customers and anyone who works in that kind of shop will have seen and heard way āworseā.
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