Sorry if this post is not in the correct forum. I am in a dark place at the moment and would appreciate your opinions as I'm not seeing a positive outcome.
Back ground is that my partner and I have been married for around 18 years and we're together for around 10 years before than (School sweethearts) We have children and and a relatively good life except for the fact that we have had largely different sex drives with my partners sex drive being far lower than mine. There were times that I was almost certain that my partner physically and emotionally had no interest in sex at all and was only even having sex to appease me. We discussed this many times too along with my other concern that my partner would never open up about her sexual desires , wants or needs or even comment about the sex we may have just had a few minutes earlier.
I have always tried to be supportive and have never forced my partner to do anything she didn't want to do but I did try to encourage her read more about sex and relationships to try help her understand why this was not a healthy part of our relationship. I bought several self help and general info books for us to read but she refused to ever read them . While this frustrated me massively, I still held onto the hope that one day things may change if I worked hard on the other aspects of our life which I have done plus I have worked my guts out providing a good home for our family . On a few occasion I have written to her about my feelings, needs and worries and on one occasion even about my most personal fantasies which included trying new things like, water sports, anal and light BDSM. Her reaction left me feeling a bit embarrassed since she thought some things like anal and water sports were disgusting . Some time after that we actually tried a few new things and for a very short time enjoyed some pegging and a couple of times and some light BDSM with me being the sub but although I enjoyed it immensely, she showed virtually no interest in perusing it more. Over the years I shared several LH wish lists with her that have got no positive response other than once saying the men's underwear I was showing her looked too feminine - another embarrassing moment but I was being open with her.
Jump ahead a bit, our relationship hit a breaking point a few months back and she went to see a counsellor to share her thoughts and to see if there was any advice on how to improve things. It took her around a month to tell me the outcome and when she finally did it was, "there is nothing wrong with me, you need make an appointment to see the counsellor yourself" We had a few more discussions over the weekend and I was told that my " bizzare sexual fantasies" are too much for her . I haven't even told her of any bizzare fantasies, I don't pressure her and I almost never even instigate sex anymore as I'm made to feel like a raging sex maniac even though I'm miles away from being that!
I guess I have finally come to the realisation that despite how much I love my wife, that she is never going to change into the loving sexual person I want and need in my life - that's OK and I can accept that however difficult it is but I feel like an absolute idiot for ever telling her my intimate desires as it feels like she has turned them against me and know knows things about me that I would not want shared outside of our relationship. I don't even want to see the same counsellor that she did as I have no idea how she has maybe distorted the truth and turned me into an apparent sexual deviant!
I'm struggling to have a clear head over all that is happening now, so any opinions or advise you can offer will be appreciated. Thanks