Sorry for negative/weird post and really hope I don't pass on icky feelings but I've been feeling 'off' since last night.
So I'd been feeling turned on pretty much all day and by the time I went to bed I had read about 6 trashy erotic fanfics (a 'guilty' pleaure). Despite feeling horny the solo session was 'different' it took quite a while to cum but was fairly intense when I did.
Maybe it's down to bad timing but in that after time when all desire has completely gone I was scrolling through tmblr and someone I follow who usually re-blogs explicit art among other stuff had put that they were having trouble maintaining their blog, they couldn't read fanfics anymore and nsfw artwork was making them feel uncomfortable.
I don't know why but I suddenly felt, not guilty, but certainly negative with myself, almost repulsed and like no more desire, like a flame has gone out. I'm used to that straight after but usually passes quickly.
It sounds so silly, I don't know why this has triggered this, for the last year or so I've been a nearly ever day kind of girl. Have I pushed myself too far? Is my brain telling me to step back a notch? As I say maybe it was just bad timing but why do the things I was enjoying a lot (fanfics, explicit art, feeling turned on, experimenting etc) suddenly make me feel icky? I've never felt any guilt about getting pleasure from toys so I'm struggling to understand what this is. Maybe I just need confirmation that I'm perfectly normal? I don't know.
It's all perfectly normal to lose the flame after a little while and it's even normal to feel guilt/sad/icky after masturbation. I used to masturbate a lot and straight after I would instantly feel awful about it and I even started to feel like people were judging me. Sex drives are odd and they come in waves, maybe reading the tumblr post has kind of made you Develop a few ideas which you are struggling to let go of. the first thing you need to do is find the love again for what turns you on or find new things which get you excited, maybe have specific days for solo sessions so you have something to look forward too and see it as a "treat" to yourself. No one should ever feel discouraged from exploring themselves or enjoying sexual happiness.
The main point in getting across is millions of people masturbate,read/write fan fiction,watch porn, have sex, explore fetishes.... the list goes on and it makes us who we are. I deleted tumblr a few years ago as it was fast paced and full of trigger type posts, so maybe try looking at other blogs. We're all here for you and I hope you find the little flame again, in pretty certain it's still burning so don't over think. The last thing you want to do is question yourself or focus on something as that makes it last longer. The sooner you just say "it's just a. Phase I'm over it" and get back into routine, you will be back to yourself again x
Also this isn't weird/odd/negative or icky post, so don't see this as a negative thing. It's just a small blip and hopefully it will pass super quick X
Thank you so much for your reply, it does make me feel a little better, as does just putting it in writing.
It occurs to me that something similar has happened before when progressing with my exploration. I spent a whole day fairly disassociated and confused when I first started to orgasm with any intensity and the last few sessions have been pretty intense. I do have a tendency to push myself as I learn, not that I'm doing anything I don't want to but I think it takes longer for my brain to process. I know from last time that I benefit after so maybe that's what this is, just processing the next stage. As I say the last few times have felt pretty intense as I get more accurate or precise maybe(?) in what I know works.
Sometimes just talking about things can help and that's why we're all here to support eachother. I'm glad it hopefully made you feel a little more comfortable and hopefully this is just the start of processing it all. Remember it's only been a day so tomorrow you can wake up to a new you.
I had a similar experience when I was first starting to explore myself. I had a few issues with my self confidence and tried using a few toys and after I had finished my sessions I would just feel disconnected and become a bit of a hermit. But as you said I kind of evolved from one stage to another and the link between was always a bit of a weird time. It could also be that the last few times have been so intense that you are kinda satisfied so maybe leave yourself a day or two between your solo sessions and see if this helps. Just whatever you do realise that it's all totally normal to feel what your feeling and everything will come back, more intense than before. X
At odd times our brains release hormones, often for our own protection. It is to make us less vunerable when we our defences are down. Needless to say it does not always seem to happen at the best times and if you are are stressed then it is not the best time to be letting down your guard.
Try to relax and put yourself under less pressure to achieve greater orgasms and enjoy what you have. The advice to leave yourself more time between sessions is good and will help. Also edging without orgasm always increases the end result.