Make it part of a pampering routine. I definitely do a lot of mine at times like in the bath or shower. Your wife might do it more often if she associates it with times for a little self- indulgent attention like that. Then those times can become a habit that can kick start other opportunities.
I like this idea! I'll try adding a few extras to my current routine for my wife's bath -- maybe provide some candles, chocolates and soothing romantic music (but not Michael Bublé -- there is a limit!).
Currently, I think I do a reasonable job. I often pour the bath, add bubbles (not Bublés), and ensure that potential interruptions are headed off so that my wife knows that she has plenty of time to relax and enjoy herself. Once my wife is in and soaking, I take her in a nice mug of tea (her favourite) and ask her with a wink whether she's having fun. That all seems to work quite well.
Honestly, she's probably just conditioned to think that it's dirty and bad (hence the "it's bad for me" idea) and so it never really crosses her mind until you ask her.
I think you've probably hit the nail on the head! In some other aspects of our sex life, my wife seems happier to do things (and enjoy them unreservedly) if she hears that I want her to. It's as if explicit "permission" from me as her husband overrides her conditioning and frees her up. The feminist in me finds this somewhat offensive, but if it works for her then I guess that I'd better go with it! It's a bit odd because in other aspects of our marriage we behave very much as equals (indeed, in our wedding vows, we removed the traditional "obey" clause from my wife's side because we didn't agree with that lop-sidedness).
I have to ask my partner for permission when I want to masturbate, which makes the whole thing so much hotter! I think if my libido was less, I'd really enjoy having him tell me to do it, or remind me to, but as it is he doesn't need to, haha. I think it's a great idea, CH... suggest it to your wife and see what she says!
OK! On second thoughts, perhaps I need to relax a bit more about this and regard it as a bit of a game. After all, if a bit of permission-giving or instructing gets us both what we want, then it can't really be a bad thing. It might even be fun. We'll discuss the idea and maybe report back.
Alicia D'amore wrote:
Nowt scientifically suggests it's bad for you but as shellyboo said it's something that's often drummed into women!
Yes. It's the sort of patriarchal hypocrisy that gets me quite annoyed.
Alicia D'amore wrote:
It can be a contributor for problems of course - for me the muscle contractions can be a little uncomfortable and it can hurt my skin when it's dry but I have a medical condition. That's the only real issue I can see - it possibly contributing to conditions.
There are definitely no physical issues of this sort for my wife. I'm sorry that there are for you.
Thanks once again for all the replies.