Hi all,
I'm fairly new to all things Lovehoney, and am very much still learning about what I like, but am in a long-term relationship with someone who I love and who is open to trying new things all the time.
He's always said that he likes being a bit of a sub - how far he went with his ex of a few years is unclear to me and I'm not sure I want to know as thinking about him and her together upsets me (long story).So approaching the subject of me taking the reigns has always been a bit of a nerve-wracking thing for me as I don't want to appear naive or unexperienced - I bought a set of restraints and blindfold from Lovehoney about 2 months ago, let him know I'd bought some but never really got round to using them. Until last night...
I have to admit, I had a very good time, as did he (!!!!!) and being in control is something I've NEVER done. I blindfolded and restrained his wrists as he was lying on his front and got to work for about an hour(no toys however) and this is literally the first I've ever had anyone begging me to let them cum. I won't go into what I did, but I feel as though something exciting is going to come from this.
Anyway, I'm curious to know of how other people eased their way in to becoming a dom, experiences, tips, etc. I want to be able to keep switching roles as I love when he's in control, but after watching and hearing him orgasm last night, I feel as though this is somethingI could get very used to!
Go!
For some like me its a natural role without even realising it. Its all based around the business controls that I have ( number 2 in a small company) . My role as a team leader in my previous employment , largest wage earner in our household ( so I have the biggest say) and then onto the bedroom where I always tend to take the lead. My Mrs is the one who has the fantasies of which some we have acted out in roleplays.All her fantasies involve her in a submissive role .
Now here comes the crunch. One of my fantasies has always been that of being the submissive and ordered about and told what to do. At the moment for my Mrs to play the dominating role is outside her comfort zone and naturally she is quite intravert . so that is where we are at the moment , with her taking small steps at a time in taking the lead in the bedroom culminating evenually for her to be a Head Mistress in a roleplay .
Your other half and I have a lot in common! I don't know if I'm quite ready for roleplay in it's purist form, but the experience of being in charge was very eye opening and something I'm even more curious to push.
NightWaltz1993 wrote:
Your other half and I have a lot in common! I don't know if I'm quite ready for roleplay in it's purist form, but the experience of being in charge was very eye opening and something I'm even more curious to push.
Role plays are easy . But I think its easier when you don't put pressure on yourselves as regards the dialogue side of things.
For the evening that you have already been done you could heve been an interrogater and your OH the prisoner. It could be fun trying to extract a certain word or phrase with everything at your disposal.
i can't do it with my OH as she only needs to see a tickling feather and she will cave in. Lkewise I am very sensitve on my nipples. On that basis its one we have never done .
Give it a go !
I think safeword is definitely a good idea - last night, though we were both enjoying the experience, I was still tentative and wanted to make sure he was comfortable a lot. I guess that just comes with it being a first time thing, so we will move onto safewords and not "is that okay" in due course haha!
I certainly won't be going hardcore just yet! Fab suggestions though - I'm sure my confidence will coninue to grow. The threads on here are great and I've always read them wishing I could pluck up the courage to try things out and now here we are :)
I did take my time choosing some music on my laptop, all the while tickling his balls. That was good fun ;)
D/s is mental sex as much as physical in my opinion and so work on your foreplay. :-)
Tell him in advance that say "Tonight I am in charge" that will start his mind tumbling in a flash
Perhaps tell him that there will be no fun until he has done something for you, could be something he wouldn't normally do/like like say the washing up or something for you, say a nice foot massage.
Your in charge, you choose, he does as he's told, gently exert control ;-)
Consider you being clothed, him naked, it will make him feel more vunerable. If he should get aroused maybe tease him about his lack of self control then tell him to forget anything else till he's earned it. :-)
Eventually start to play with him, be amused at his frustration, reminding him that your in charge and decide when, or even if, he will get release. The thought you'll just tease him but not let him cum will be a further hint at your wishes first ie your in charge.
When you allow him release tell him to be a good sub and make it for you. Hopefully there will be fireworks :-)
alone4ever wrote:
I would stay away from the hard core stuff, some doms will tie up their sub and then go watch a film in the next room.
Whatever you do never tie someone up and then leave them unattended ! Even if you are just going to the loo, always undo at least one hand .
Always think safe.
My OH and I are both naturally sub (whoops! ) so we have recently taken to having her sessions and me sessions. I find that having time frames and safe words are a must. So for the next 2 hours she will be mistress or vice versa. I stick to this rigidly so for that time she is a mistress and not my loving partner.
I think if you already have relationship dynamics set out then it is a good thing to separate play from everyday life. It would potentially get very confusing otherwise.
The important thing from my POV is that during these roles, it is essential for me as a sub male to be dominated. Obviously, you take it slowly to begin with but my thing is being completely dominated and humiliated and so if the role is not taken on completely I just don't get the same out of it. When we first started she was quite giggly and this really spoilt my aims for the session. Through open lines of communication we have been able to discuss what was good and what was not so good and as such the sessions have got much closer to the fantasies we both have.
Communication is the key. But it has to be peer to peer communication not during the session (it's OK to check in once in a while to make sure everything is safe but not about the aims and goals of the session).
Orangeboom wrote:
My OH and I are both naturally sub (whoops! ) so we have recently taken to having her sessions and me sessions. I find that having time frames and safe words are a must. So for the next 2 hours she will be mistress or vice versa. I stick to this rigidly so for that time she is a mistress and not my loving partner.
I think if you already have relationship dynamics set out then it is a good thing to separate play from everyday life. It would potentially get very confusing otherwise.
The important thing from my POV is that during these roles, it is essential for me as a sub male to be dominated. Obviously, you take it slowly to begin with but my thing is being completely dominated and humiliated and so if the role is not taken on completely I just don't get the same out of it. When we first started she was quite giggly and this really spoilt my aims for the session. Through open lines of communication we have been able to discuss what was good and what was not so good and as such the sessions have got much closer to the fantasies we both have.
Communication is the key. But it has to be peer to peer communication not during the session (it's OK to check in once in a while to make sure everything is safe but not about the aims and goals of the session).
I agree with what you are saying but there is also a slight contradiction .
In your other post you state that if chores arn't done then they will be punishable. Well that for me is entering into ones everyday lifestyle which is OK if you want a BDSM lifestyle which in effect this type of thing is . It seems to be popular in America going off the books I have read and is perhaps just one step back from having a domestic discipline contract where tarffs are set for certain trangressions. Unfortunately it can get out of hand as it did with us, hence we scrapped it as you will find that things arn't done on purpose and crockery could get broken again on purpose in order to get a bottom licking from a paddle.
Thats why we only do this sort of thing as part of a roleplay which has defined boundaries( ie the bedroom) and just lasts for one evening .
But if it works for yourselves then is fine and is evident from your posts. Just keep enjoying yourselves.
mysteron wrote:
Orangeboom wrote:
My OH and I are both naturally sub (whoops! ) so we have recently taken to having her sessions and me sessions. I find that having time frames and safe words are a must. So for the next 2 hours she will be mistress or vice versa. I stick to this rigidly so for that time she is a mistress and not my loving partner.
I think if you already have relationship dynamics set out then it is a good thing to separate play from everyday life. It would potentially get very confusing otherwise.
The important thing from my POV is that during these roles, it is essential for me as a sub male to be dominated. Obviously, you take it slowly to begin with but my thing is being completely dominated and humiliated and so if the role is not taken on completely I just don't get the same out of it. When we first started she was quite giggly and this really spoilt my aims for the session. Through open lines of communication we have been able to discuss what was good and what was not so good and as such the sessions have got much closer to the fantasies we both have.
Communication is the key. But it has to be peer to peer communication not during the session (it's OK to check in once in a while to make sure everything is safe but not about the aims and goals of the session).
I agree with what you are saying but there is also a slight contradiction .
In your other post you state that if chores arn't done then they will be punishable. Well that for me is entering into ones everyday lifestyle which is OK if you want a BDSM lifestyle which in effect this type of thing is . It seems to be popular in America going off the books I have read and is perhaps just one step back from having a domestic discipline contract where tarffs are set for certain trangressions. Unfortunately it can get out of hand as it did with us, hence we scrapped it as you will find that things arn't done on purpose and crockery could get broken again on purpose in order to get a bottom licking from a paddle.
Thats why we only do this sort of thing as part of a roleplay which has defined boundaries( ie the bedroom) and just lasts for one evening .
But if it works for yourselves then is fine and is evident from your posts. Just keep enjoying yourselves.
Love the idea of someone standing in a kitchen just dropping plates! Haha
Yeah I take your point. I guess it could be construed that that is in everyday life but it kind of takes a back seat until Sunday in this case. I can see how it could get out of hand my OH definately doesn't do things on purpose some times so can see how it could spiral.
You might have to introduce something in that your OH doesn't like as well to prevent that ie to act as a deterrent .. Things like doing chores wearing a maids costume or if no kids about naked or perhaps a Marmite sandwich . I am sure you could think of something. . This of course would only apply as the maximum tarrif. That would help to stop things from escalating .