First time and with a sex worker

I’m 26 and I was in a bad place for a long time so I had never been with anyone. My lack of experience started getting to me and became a hindrance to actually finding someone for myself. I decided to hire a sex worker. She was really nice and supportive, and she made me as comfortable as my anxiety would allow.
For years having my first time was all I thought about and now that it’s happened; I don’t think I enjoyed it much. I knew it wasn’t going to go super well, but I’m really thrown off. We made it through the first round alright, but I couldn’t finish the second round.
Please tell me that I’ll be better with someone who actually likes me. Please tell me that it will get better.


We can all remember our first time - it is always an experience but I never received orgasm with a partner for many years later :joy:

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It will get better. When you find that right person it will definitely be better. Expect it to be awkward the first few times so don’t beat yourself up.

It certainly will as you will have a connection at an emotional level and it won’t simply be the act itself.

It will get better, it may take some time, it did for me but so worth the wait :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: my hubby was definitely worth waiting for.
My past was horrendous, I got beaten down so much I thought that this was it, this is all I’m worth, then came along hubby and proved me wrong.

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Welcome to the forum, I’ve been here for a while but more of a lurker than a poster until recently. It’s a really helpful informative place and you’ll find lots of helpful resources I hope.

Please be assured it will get better. My first time (a long time ago) was dissatisfying and made me feel really quite deflated for many reasons - most of all that it was just with the wrong person. I didn’t have sex again for 18 months after that as I just didn’t want to make the same mistake again. What I did do was experiment through masturbation a lot to know what worked for me and what I wanted to make me feel good and confident.

I then met someone who really woke my sexual interests up and we had a lot of sex - he really helped shaped my attitude to sex at that time although looking back it was fairly non-adventurous, maybe a bit of deep throat or attempts at anal but nothing more.

Gradually as I got closer to meeting my husband I enjoyed a safe, healthy sex life with a number of short term partners. When my husband and I met we really clicked and it did just make sense. Now after over 20 years together we are extremely comfortable with each other. No we’re not as young and sexy looking as we were but we both have a high level of sexual confidence with each other which is built on good communication, a sense of humour and being honest with each other.

Trust me it will happen for you - don’t give up hope, please! Once you make that connection with someone you will absolutely know when it’s right, and even if it’s not long term to start with, take time getting to know what you like yourself….it’s definitely worth doing for your confidence too. Then when someone does come into your life you will be able to communicate what you like and hopefully they’ll be receptive and open with you too.


I am sure it will get better, the first time is always an anti climax so to speak normally. I hope you find someone soon and don’t put pressure on you or them for sex. If its going to happen it will do naturally. Good luck

It absolutely gets better when there’s a connection. Now that the 1st time pressure is off you, you can relax a bit and experiment with your body and see what you like. Maybe get some toys, like a fleshlight, to get a bit more comfortable with the sensation.
I’m only having really great sex now at 44, and that’s because the connection is nothing like I’ve ever had before.


please dont feel any shame using a sex worker - if there is no one being hurt (such as a partner) then do it - it can be a great experience.

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First time whether with an experienced or novice is not guaranteed to be the best you have ever had. Sex is a constant learning experience and once you grasp this you will become both an accomplished and empathic lover. Don’t get hung up on how you performed the first time. Everyone is not so good on their first time.


@jsp i 2nd what @JoCat suggests, explore your body on your own so that your not nervous. There’s no pressure to be on a timeline. First handful of times were nothing special for me, then I got with my husband a month later and and we’ve been together 32 years. Our sex life has had many ups and downs. Finally we are getting into a really good rhythm. Exploring by masturbation has been really helpful for me and takes the edge off. When I don’t get enough variety I discovered I become really bored and it becomes a chore then. I don’t want that to happen again, and I know my husband doesn’t either :wink:


Definately gets better with time. My first through to about my 8/9th time was awful. I was clumsy and didnt know what i was doing. It took time to get confidence, not only in myself but to be able to ask my partners if they were enjoying something or if they wanted me to do something different. Its like anything in life really, the more times you do it the more confident you will be. Obviously having an emotional connection with someone helps no end. Thankfully we are now in an age where its almost trendy to talk about sex before it happens. Its not so taboo so when you find something, ask them what they like and tell them what you like and it gives you an advantage from the off. You maybe will even learn other things you like and little tricks to pull out the next time!!

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It will 100% get better just be patient and it will happen

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