Some baggage to explain first:
My GF and I reconnected 11 years ago from knowing each other 58 years ago. Both 77 now. We had a very brief fling back then starting with doing it 7 times the first night. We both like sex and that hasn’t changed. However I passed on what could have been a good relationship for 2 reasons. One she wanted kids and me not and two because I liked slim women and she was was overweight.
When we reconnected she was very apprehensive about her size. I tried and still do to assure her it doesn’t matter any more.
But, she will not let me see her naked. Aside from 58 years ago I have not seen her pussy.
This said she takes great of me. Just loves giving me BJs while playing with my butt and gets very excited in the process.
Were both so fat that fucking is too cumbersome. I finger her pussy while getting a BJ.
There are maybe some positions we could try but it would sure help if I could see. She has a dildo and it would be exciting if I could see her using it.
So, I’m sure there are some women who might say I got what I deserved from my previous attitude about size and others that might say all the BJs you want at age 77 - what are you complaining about!
However any suggestions about getting her comfortable about seeing more her will be greatly appreciated
She will let me see her breasts but that’s it. All I would really like to see is her pussy. I think she thinks it is not attractive but I’m not sure she has even used a mirror to look. I don’t care - I’ve never seen a pussy I didn’t like. She also doesn’t like her legs.
Oh, and even in the dark she doesn’t let me go down on very often. Not sure why but again think she doesn’t like her pussy She has a very sensitive clit so using my tongue is way better for treating her gently. I think she’s enjoyed oral before because after the last time she told me to suck in her clit when she’s about to cum.
Hit reply by accident but that was about it. Thanks for any suggestions.
Just a few more items and sorry about the above typos.
If anyone hss the suggestion of crotch less bottoms this is something I could try again. After suggesting it once some days later I was watching TV when she came up behind me and tossed a pair of modified Pj bottoms over my head. I was startled and reacted harshly. That was the end of that.
Even when she does let me go down on her she doesn’t like 69. Says it is too distracting from her giving me head. Too bad because I like 69 with me on the bottom because I love the view a butt - which is moot if it’s dark.
I found an article once about fat girls not being afraid of sitting on a guy’s face. Was afraid of showing it to her.
For sure I don’t want to ruin what I already have.
Think you answered your own question there buddy……
You rejected her because of her weight… just because you said it all those years ago, that it can stick with people and ever thought she remembers that and resents you for it which in turn has caused self esteem issues?
Very much agree with @EmmaC1989 on this one.
I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but you need to sit and think about your own actions and attitude here. You rejected her because of her weight, and maybe others have added to that over the years, but it has obviously had a lasting impact. But your post reads as “I don’t care that she’s fat and unattractive” rather than “I find her sexually attractive”. I mean, she told you she finds 69 distracting (something many people of all sizes find) and you went and found an article on why fat girls don’t like being on top.
What has she said about all this? Has she said the problem is body confidence? What does she want from your sex life?
I agree with @Calie and others it seems your attitude may also be a big influence on her. You also indicate you are rather over weight as well? I would be grateful of what you have and over time things may change but I think you probably have to change your mind set first.
I think most of what I’d have said is covered.
Personally I am all about self reflection, all of my problems start with me now, and I have to look at what’s going on for me.
Unfortunately, it sounds like a lot of damage has been done from the past and her negative self image might feel part of her DNA. She is likely to hear your reassurance more as ‘its different now he wants something’.
You mention you are both large of size, was that the case for you when you rejected her for being so?
Personally speaking, and forgive me for sounding harsh here, but it sounds like you are getting a lot better than you deserve from your previous attitudes and behavior.
My suggestions about getting her comfortable and seeing more of her would be the following:
1 - have a look at your own stuff, both your posts seem to be very much about you getting what you want, without any real consideration for the lady you are with
2 - actually take a step (or 5) back, and start with some romancing. The only way you will be able to reassure her is through your behavior, and by that I mean showing her what she means to you.
If I’m honest, way posts are written, it sounds like your old views are still there and there is very little respect for your lady. Only you can look at that and change those.
In terms of the 69 stuff, my OH doesn’t like them at all. Too much going on, she cannot focus on her pleasure and sensations along with performing oral herself. Makes perfect sense to me, as much as I love them myself.
Re the article, really don’t go there. It will just reinforce all the negative and cause more problems.
Sorry if post seems overly harsh, judgmental even, but think to achieve what you want to, there is a lot to be done, and has to start with a good solid look in the mirror at yourself.
I wouldn’t say you’ve got what you deserved as we all have things we physically find attractive and things we don’t which can change over time…
I’m currently in the awkward position of needing to tell someone I had a date with that I don’t feel the same way about them but they’re being very ott on the romantic stuff which is making it harder for me 
Body confidence issues can have a major impact on peoples esteem and from the sounds of it she’s really low about parts of her body and maybe even in need of being reintroduced to them areas again so she can develop a healthy acceptance of them herself before feeling comfortable enough for you to see them.
I have memories of that show Gok Wang used to do, ‘how to look good naked’, and one of the first steps was to get them in front of a mirror naked to see themselves and pick out things they like and dislike about their body. Obviously she don’t need anyone else in the room with her but you could stay on the other side of the door to listen to what she says, then if she trusts you enough to see her in plain bra and knickers, you can give her you view on what you see is great about her body and slowly help to reintroduce/reinforce positive thinking.
Hope this is of some help to you 
I think you’ve all convinced me to leave well enough alone. To answer a few questions, yes I used to be in good shape and I’m sure she has no self esteem. I think this includes what her pussy looks like hence her being afraid I won’t like what I see.
I do need to defend myself a little regards it all being about me. She generally wants more sex than me so seeing her pussy could result in more encounters.
Regards going down on her I’ve always felt some pride in understanding the nuances of pussies and being able to please women in this way.
I can’t get from her what she’d like, other than just more often. Often we’ll start with her an her back with me kissing her, fondling her breast, putting some lube in her pussy. The minute she reaches over and finds I’m up she’s got her mouth on my cock (her preferred word). She likes the look of my cock and gets very excited messing with me, I think to the point of not wanting anything more from me.
This gets even more altruistic - she’s always asking what she could do different - her mouth and hand at the same? Etc. She knows just when to switch from toying with the rim of my butt to putting her finger in.
So, yeah, I think I should just enjoy what I have. Some burned bridges can never be rebuilt.
Thanks for the input. It isn’t harsh, just true.
How do you go from 69 being distracting to fat women and face sitting?!
You could really do with evaluating the language you use
I’m sure she’d be thrilled to know this.
Why would it not matter when it did all them years ago? She will never forget that.
The way you speak about your partner is in body parts. It reads very disrespectfully.
Where is the sensuality and romance? I’m sure you love your partner and sex isn’t all its about. Do you have intimacy outside of sex?
Do you hug and have non sexual touching?
Do you tell her that you’re lucky to have her?
Do you love her?
Do you make her feel loved? Would she agree or disagree to that answer?
I think you can do better.
Jocat, you handed out some bitter pills.
Yes, I love her very much but can always do more to remind her.
We are intimate besides from sex.
She is such a caring person compared to me that I probably don’t really deserve her so am trying hard to change my ways.
The way you recapped my post I’m sorry I started it. You are all right. She will never forget being rejected years ago and I doubt I can repair it.
Your reply was very enlightening. Thank you.
I’m just amazed you’ve got to 77 and are still this clueless about how women feel/think to be honest. It might not matter to you anymore but the way being judged for her weight has negatively impacted your GF’s self-esteem throughout her life will always, sadly, matter to her. And, yes, you definitely contributed to her negative state of mind in this respect. If she doesn’t want to show you parts of her own body that’s her call. Personally I think you should be way more concerned about raising her up and undoing the damage wrought on her through many decades being made to feel unattractive and worthless by (yes, I’m going to say it) the Patriarchy than you are about getting a look at her various body parts.
Sounds like an alright conclusion to your thoughts and if you both can be satisfied with what you have then I’ll agree there’s no need to try prodding for more… and never know in future things might improve
A few thoughts on your first post … (sorry this might be a long one again!)
I agree with what others have said so far. Your attitude when you were younger has probably got a lot to do with her current insecurities. Please be careful how you say things - although you say that your attitude has changed you have still said that you are “both so fat”. I’d like to imagine that you wouldn’t say that to your GF and maybe to you it is just a statement of fact but to most people being described as fat is very negative and hurtful. I will admit that I was a “curvy” person before I lost weight but I would’ve hated to be referred to as “fat” because it sounds very judgemental.
That bring said, you have admitted that your attitude wasn’t great in the past and clearly you are looking to improve and move on from your mistakes. Your GF has forgiven you enough to want a relationship with you so I would cherish what you have and be grateful for the 2nd chance.
As for her not wanting you to see her pussy (I hate that term btw, I find it a bit derogatory but that might just be me), I think you probably need to accept that she isn’t comfortable with you seeing that part of her body yet. I’ve been with my husband for 16 years now and have only just started to feel comfortable with him looking at that part of my body. Previously I wouldn’t let him look so that meant no oral sex for me and if I wanted an orgasm then I did it myself. Now we are taking things slowly and I’m learning to enjoy light touches and kisses around the vulva without being too embarrassed. What I’m trying to say is be patient, don’t put pressure on her, show her how much you love and care for her and maybe she’ll gain confidence with time.
My final thought was that you said that you were both so fat that sex was cumbersome. Is this just your decision or was it a mutual decision to not have penetrative sex? If it was your decision only then it would be a good idea to talk to her about what she would like to do, it might be that she would really enjoy sex (you said she has a dildo so perhaps this shows that she enjoys penetration?). There are lots of position aids that can help make sex easier and you might find them helpful.
Thanks for the thoughts Kitty.especially given you’ve had the same experience with him not seeing you “down there”. I love the word pussy but Trump ruined that term forever.
I agree lots of other words than fat are better. I think plus sized is latest term.
I’m a little surprised that if you like getting oral that he can’t do this in the dark but if you’re also just letting him touch you there then it sounds like there’s more to it.
She loves being on top and also likes this because she can have one of her breasts in my mouth. Unfortunately this means her weight almost takes my breath away. The last time we did this I almost couldn’t breath and I think she knows why we haven’t done it since.
She knows we’re both too “big”. She started to say this recently and stopped just short of finishing the sentence.
We’ve tried other positions but if it takes to long to set up I start to lose my erection and like any man my worst fear is not being stif enough to get it in. I’ve tried ED pills a few times but she doesn’t notice any difference in size. However I should try again to see if it helps with losing my erection getting set for penetration.
A position we both like and recommended on web sites for large people, is me standing by the side of the bed with her sideways on her back with her legs spread and in the air. It might help to know ahead of time what pillows are needed to get the height right. I also found some gadgets on the web that slip in between the mattress and box spring that hold legs in the air. I have to mention that the first time we ever did the side of the bed position her extremely protective dog started barking at me. That is a total mood breaker.
Also, I often don’t even get to the point of wanting penetration because she always wants to start by going down on me and she is so good that I’ll just want her to finish me off this way. I’m pretty sure she loves this so much that she orgasms from doing me.
I can hear it again “buddy, what are complaining about”.
Once again I completely agree I’m totally at fault here. Consider me completely chastised.
I do love her very much and don’t want to hurt her feelings in any way. The 11 years we’ve been living together is longer than any other man she’s lived with which I think says something about all the things about our relationship that work.
I will take this opportunity to object to Jocat’s berating about my focus on “body parts” while also thanking her again for good advice. Good grief, there are countless threads on this site all about body parts. It also appears many folks are in good relationships which aren’t diminished by talking about very specific desires.
Instead of turning the issue about weight with both of you into something negative, turn it into something positive.
Has she ever made comment about loosing weight? Maybe you could indirectly turn this into a bonding exercise and use this has a opportunity to be more healthy even if it means saying things like “fancy going for a walk with me for a while?” Or help each other make better food choices and encourage each other to have better habits when it comes to food.
I’m a over weight girl and my partner is a gym bunny, so he’s well toned and I’m not lol but not once has he called me fat, he knows what would happen if he did but yet I do struggle to keep weight off and when he sees I struggle, he encourages me to eat better, he was even my gym buddy for about 2 years
You can help someone without directly pointing out their weight or calling someone fat.
If you want your gf to be comfortable around you naked, you are the only person that can give her confidence and security to do it. You have to let her know no matter what that she rocks your world. And if you can’t do that, don’t waste her time and be honest
EmmaC:
Yes, she’s on board for us eating better. We did SouthBeach a few years ago and it worked. More me as I lost 50 lbs. She kept losing just not as fast. Not sure why we stopped although I got entirely sick of chicken.
We both are not good cooks. The tablet is usually on the kitchen counter to see recipes. What we do know how to cook is usually really bad. Try gnocchi with blue cheese cream sauce! But we do have cookbooks for healthy eating so it’s just the will power to do it.
Im jumping on the do it together point , im plus sized curvy what ever you want to call it , i havent always been and over our 30 years together the weight has crept on (me more) in the last 12 months we started walking in the evenings (i like to go in the dark so no one can see me getting hot and puffing) it did us both good mentally and physically , we started new habits and meal planning together . Of course we always want more and want it NOW or yesterday in my case but its working for us its a lifestyle change not a quick fix diet .
Luckily for us our bed is perfect height for hubby standing and me laying on the bed so there is nothing to get ready and we manage all positions luckily . I am happy for him to see me naked in any position and anywhere but he tells me daily how gorgeous i am / how lucky he is / he loves me and all the things i want to hear , but that little bit in my brain still thinks " is it true why does he feel like that when i look like this" . So if thats how i feel and he has never called me the f word or mentioned my weight ,i can imagine how your partner is feeling when she has heard those things from you .
Womens minds hang on to things whether its yesterday or 30+ years ago so i expect there is some deep hurt inside her .
I think you have realised what you said was painful and regret it but remember she can hear those words like they were said yesterday .
I would stop thinking about anything sexual at the moment and give her some time to hear the things you love about her , obviously dont go over the top though .
You might not ever get what you want , woman of all shapes and sizes have issues with body shape and dont like certain parts being looked at .
Just check your wording before saying something out loud , we are all guilty of blurting things out and then realising what we have said , its too late to take back the original insult but its not too late to change the way you speak to her and the type of negative words you use .
As someone else has said a few posts ago she needs to know that she rocks your world , and thats not going to happen over night .
Edit : i will just add after reading some of your posts you do need to stop thinking that women are here just to satisfy men , you havent said those exact words but reading between the lines you do seem to be stuck in a time of sexist jokes and men being the superior in a relationship
@Lovingsex so well put and exactly right. I am also curvy and still love to hear how I’m loved and how he wants me! The point you raised about how things said aren’t forgotten is so true and are always there, sometimes filed away but never forgotten. Very well summarised x