Going naked to an event

Sex Tips & Talk
21

Lovehoney-Jess can I please ask have you been to a B.D.S.M. event ? Nudity for females is usually a requirement for special events. Nudity for males is sometimes also enforced at some events, others require the sub to be naked and the dom to be fully clothed. There is all sorts of variations and depends on what the organisers are aiming for.

You should not assume that this requirement at this event has a sexist motive. From experience sexism does not happen in the kink scene. I cross dress I have never had any bad experiences in the kink world and yes somtimes I have been naked, or stripped down to my stockings. I usually am a sub so if I am ordered to disrobe by whoever I am playing with I do it, be it a male or female.

22

Also like to point out that I'm a staunch feminist, member of my uni femsoc and participant in the feminist bdsm discussions on FL as feminism and kink can get a bit messy at times with topics such as power exchange relationships (I'm in one by choice as that's what I like), consensual non-consent and objectification as a kink. I've done a lot of reading and see nothing wrong with the event.

"We do understand though that it could be a daunting experience for women to be totally naked & as such will permit limited clothing. Stylish panties (no cartoon knickers or similar), lingerie, under-bust corsets, baby dolls & such so long as it not a fleecy nightgown!

As we appreciate the female form we would prefer women to be totally naked but will accept a minimum of breasts being visible at all times."

People have worn corsets, dresses with boobs out previously. Just to clarify some points.

23

phil wrote:

Lovehoney-Jess can I please ask have you been to a B.D.S.M. event ? Nudity for females is usually a requirement for special events. Nudity for males is sometimes also enforced at some events, others require the sub to be naked and the dom to be fully clothed. There is all sorts of variations and depends on what the organisers are aiming for.

You should not assume that this requirement at this event has a sexist motive. From experience sexism does not happen in the kink scene. I cross dress I have never had any bad experiences in the kink world and yes somtimes I have been naked, or stripped down to my stockings. I usually am a sub so if I am ordered to disrobe by whoever I am playing with I do it, be it a male or female.

Thanks for the added clarification. This is a dom/sub event with female subs (naked) and male doms (formal attire) so it's completely understandable and not sexist. I've actually learnt a lot more about feminsm and kink from getting involved on FL.

24

MondaySixteenth wrote:

Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

Say whaaaaaaat???? I just want to point out that although kinky dress codes are pretty much expected within the fetish scene, having a separate dress code for women is extremely jarring, worrying and EXTREEEEEMELY sexist. All my feminist alarm bells are ringing and screaming at the top of my brain-voice "this place needs to be shut doooooowwwwn!!"

On top of that, the fact they ENFORCE nudity makes me want to run a mile. Seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.

No venue or event (and I mean NO event) can or should enforce nudity. Even at naturism events and nudist festivals nudity isn't forced. Although nudity is sort of expected to make everyone comfortable, it's still up to the individual as to whether they decide to bare ALL or not. To have this enforcement focussed on just one gender makes my skin crawl.

If you want my advice, steer VERY clear of this event. Sounds dodgy AF.

And also @mysteron.

It is the theme of the event. They allow some clothing for women but the nature of the event is meant to be like a gentlemens club and is primarily for people in d/s relationships. I know the organisers and have been to a host of their other events where there is no dress code or a code of "minimum all black". This event is simply just themed that way and it highlights the d/s dynamics of the attendees. It's also, as mentioned, pretty exclusive with only a small number of couples/groups in attendence. It's by no means the only event in the area so no one is singled out and made to feel they can't attend anything because of this dress code.

Many fet and swinging events have themes that are gendered such as women as tarts, men as vicars, etc. and many people like the guidance. I really hope that people don't get the wrong idea about this event because all their other events have been such fun and people who have been in the scene longer than me and attended this event before have said it's brilliant.

For me thats fine and thanks . I was just curious and its interesting having an incite to these kind of events when you have never been to one although I have been to other adult type parties.

25

mysteron wrote:

For me thats fine and thanks . I was just curious and its interesting having an incite to these kind of events when you have never been to one although I have been to other adult type parties.

My response was mainly to Jess as she's down as a bondage expert and made some pretty big accusations so I wanted to ensure that she knew about kink event and how feminism plays into them :)

This is something that can be confusing if you haven't been to any or aren't very involved so it's completely understandable x

26

MondaySixteenth wrote:

Also like to point out that I'm a staunch feminist, member of my uni femsoc and participant in the feminist bdsm discussions on FL as feminism and kink can get a bit messy at times with topics such as power exchange relationships (I'm in one by choice as that's what I like), consensual non-consent and objectification as a kink. I've done a lot of reading and see nothing wrong with the event.

"We do understand though that it could be a daunting experience for women to be totally naked & as such will permit limited clothing. Stylish panties (no cartoon knickers or similar), lingerie, under-bust corsets, baby dolls & such so long as it not a fleecy nightgown!

As we appreciate the female form we would prefer women to be totally naked but will accept a minimum of breasts being visible at all times."

People have worn corsets, dresses with boobs out previously. Just to clarify some points.

phil wrote:

Lovehoney-Jess can I please ask have you been to a B.D.S.M. event ? Nudity for females is usually a requirement for special events. Nudity for males is sometimes also enforced at some events, others require the sub to be naked and the dom to be fully clothed. There is all sorts of variations and depends on what the organisers are aiming for.

You should not assume that this requirement at this event has a sexist motive. From experience sexism does not happen in the kink scene. I cross dress I have never had any bad experiences in the kink world and yes somtimes I have been naked, or stripped down to my stockings. I usually am a sub so if I am ordered to disrobe by whoever I am playing with I do it, be it a male or female.

I have indeed been to several fetish and BDSM events and would never make "assumptions" on anything. (You know what happens when you ass-u-me!) Yes, I do understand that everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable within any given scene, and that gender stereotypes can be played on to enhance an erotic scenario.  Having said this, to me, placing rules on people based on their gender IS wrong no matter the circumstances. Maybe this is just my feeling on the situation, and I fully understand that not everyone has the same opinon. This is why I said "if you want my advice".... 

To me, the acceptable way to enforce a divided dress code rule would be to insist that all subs/sissy's go nude, as that is something the individual chooses to be. Enforcing a dress code based on gender (something which you probably didn't choose at any point in your life) isn't fair to me. 

The way it was explained in the OP made all my heckles go up and my immediate reaction was that this seems highly unsavoury and not something I would promote. There was no mention in the OP of this being part of a theme or the set up of the evening - just that is was the dress code. Some elaboration here would have helped me get the right end of the stick.

For me, it was the line "getting into the BDSM scene" that made me worry for your safety and well-being. It sounded to me as though you're still new to this, and perhaps had not questioned the male/female "rules". Additionally, no matter what the scene, my instinct always opts on the side of equality so perhaps my "non-work Jess" brain spoke out before my "Lovehoney bondage expert" brain stepped in. It was out of concern for you though, so I hope I haven't caused offence. 

It's clear now from your reply that you have thought it all through, and have considered the consequences / benefits of the different gender rules for this event. For me, personally, I would still be taking a very wide birth of this event as the gender split still makes my feel very uncomfortable, but then again, that's not my kink (and wouldn't it be boring if we all had the same tastes?!)

If you're happy and safe, then please feel free to ignore my comments. I was just offering in my 2 cents (even if it was rather SHOUTY! Sorry about that...) 

To answer you're original Q though - have you thought about making an outfit from bondage tape? You could wrap yourself as you feel comfortable, covering/exposing as much as you like, and enjoy knowing that if the mood should take you later on in the evening, you can peel it off to reveal more, or show off your Birthday suit if you should desire. 

27

Lovehoney - Jess wrote:

placing rules on people based on their gender IS wrong no matter the circumstances. Maybe this is just my feeling on the situation, and I fully understand that not everyone has the same opinon.

To me, the acceptable way to enforce a divided dress code rule would be to insist that all subs/sissy's go nude, as that is something the individual chooses to be. Enforcing a dress code based on gender (something which you probably didn't choose at any point in your life) isn't fair to me.

Couldn't agree with you more on this Jess, I haven't been to any events as of yet because where I live is quite reserved in terms of BDSM and doesn't offer many at all, but I wouldn't go to an event that singled out women as having to show at least some skin. If I want to feel comfortable at an even where they preferred women to be naked, I would want there to be some sort of safety net - the amount of risk that comes from every woman being naked is massive. Imagine taking that to court if someone did something wrong 'What were you wearing...?'

Honestly, I would NEED some sort of option rather than a rule, that I could remove clothing if comfortable but come fully clothed otherwise. I definitely wouldn't be interested in going to an event where women specifically need to be naked. I agree that if this is the case, it should be 'subs' should be naked, if that. But I can't understand there being no fall-back on this. I understand that it's BDSM but there are so, so many risks. Please don't put yourself at risk like this if you don't feel entirely comfortable doing so. It is so important that you put your own safety first and understand what can and may go wrong.

28

Can I ask a few more questions slightly off topic but relavent .Again just to give me an incite to these type of events.

Where are these typically held. Becasue of their nature unlike my Butler Auction , I would imagine a pub room is clearly out !

So I am deducing then that you hire a full club of the X rated type . Private dungeon or possible an individulas house if its big enough.

Does one tend to arrive wearing an outfit say underneath a coat or does one like say going to the gym get changed on the premises ?

29

Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

I have indeed been to several fetish and BDSM events and would never make "assumptions" on anything. (You know what happens when you ass-u-me!) Yes, I do understand that everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable within any given scene, and that gender stereotypes can be played on to enhance an erotic scenario. Having said this, to me, placing rules on people based on their gender IS wrong no matter the circumstances. Maybe this is just my feeling on the situation, and I fully understand that not everyone has the same opinon. This is why I said "if you want my advice"....

To me, the acceptable way to enforce a divided dress code rule would be to insist that all subs/sissy's go nude, as that is something the individual chooses to be. Enforcing a dress code based on gender (something which you probably didn't choose at any point in your life) isn't fair to me.

The way it was explained in the OP made all my heckles go up and my immediate reaction was that this seems highly unsavoury and not something I would promote. There was no mention in the OP of this being part of a theme or the set up of the evening - just that is was the dress code. Some elaboration here would have helped me get the right end of the stick.

For me, it was the line "getting into the BDSM scene" that made me worry for your safety and well-being. It sounded to me as though you're still new to this, and perhaps had not questioned the male/female "rules". Additionally, no matter what the scene, my instinct always opts on the side of equality so perhaps my "non-work Jess" brain spoke out before my "Lovehoney bondage expert" brain stepped in. It was out of concern for you though, so I hope I haven't caused offence.

It's clear now from your reply that you have thought it all through, and have considered the consequences / benefits of the different gender rules for this event. For me, personally, I would still be taking a very wide birth of this event as the gender split still makes my feel very uncomfortable, but then again, that's not my kink (and wouldn't it be boring if we all had the same tastes?!)

If you're happy and safe, then please feel free to ignore my comments. I was just offering in my 2 cents (even if it was rather SHOUTY! Sorry about that...)

To answer you're original Q though - have you thought about making an outfit from bondage tape? You could wrap yourself as you feel comfortable, covering/exposing as much as you like, and enjoy knowing that if the mood should take you later on in the evening, you can peel it off to reveal more, or show off your Birthday suit if you should desire.

Sorry for not addressing things more clearly and having a bit of a heated, SHOUTY reply also. Just didn't want to slate the event or orginisers or anything.

I should have been more clear that this event is a d/s m/f couples event hence the dress code. The only reason it's exclusively women nude at this event is because it's for couples of that dynamic but I was unclear before.

I appreciate your concern especially since I'm newish (lots of munches, 2 play events, one in post will be third) but I'm pretty switched on and, whilst I'm submissive in terms of the bedroom and my relationship, I take no shit and if somethings off then everyone knows about it right away. :P

I have bondage tape at home but have only used it as restraints thus far. If my partners willing to put the time in to learning it then I was considering a rope dress from one of the Knotty Boys books as, like the one in my profile pic, you can fashion it to accentuate your waist and lift boobs a bit. I've also looked at pics from events gone by and some nice knickers and stockings might make all the difference to my confidence. From previous commenters I think start the night with clothes, they can come off if I feel confident enough and end the night in my fleecy blanket and maxi dress (standard sub drop attire for me :P ). My OH is always happy to leave early if I need to as well and checks up on me throughout. We've been together 7 years and if I wanted to leave in the first 10 mins after paying entry he's fine :) I do appreciate your concern though (and advice!)

30

mysteron wrote:

Can I ask a few more questions slightly off topic but relavent .Again just to give me an incite to these type of events.

Where are these typically held. Becasue of their nature unlike my Butler Auction , I would imagine a pub room is clearly out !

So I am deducing then that you hire a full club of the X rated type . Private dungeon or possible an individulas house if its big enough.

Does one tend to arrive wearing an outfit say underneath a coat or does one like say going to the gym get changed on the premises ?

There are "vanilla" events (no play, normal clothing) which take place in pubs. It's there that you get to meet people though and get to know the community and the events that are held.

The club which I attend (same applies to many clubs I know of) is held in a swingers club but on a non-swinging night meaning that there is no sex of any kind permitted. The organisers of events usually own or hire this environment, which will have a social area where no play occurs, play rooms, which can be beds or full dungeons, and changing areas.

Some people organise parties at their house but those are usually just friends only or professional dommes. I usually wear something like a maxi dress (so that I can cover my fishnets) and change into my kinky clothes once I'm in. There are lockers and a powder room so ladies can do their make up. My OH usually just wears a black shirt and trousers or jeans to events and so he just attends already dressed.

31

I'm too sick to write a proper reply but I'm going to try anyway. Apologies in advance!

Clothed male, naked female (CMNF) isn't my idea of a good time. I actually like clothes and feel more confident and more like myself when I am in clothes I have chosen, however scantily clad I may be. I understand how it fits within a male Dom, female sub dynamic but I personally prefer to socialise with a more diverse mix of orientations and genders.

As a feminist, it does set off some uncomfortable feelings. Most notably because women have historically been subjected to sexual mistreatment and objectification and have been judged harshly for their bodies. That said, I am happy for people to engage in "problematic" kinks such as race play, as long as the people involved understand the reasons it is problematic and why people (including those who enjoy it!) may have uncomfortable reactions.

One of my main kinks is consensual non consent. It took me a long time to unpack the years of social history and my own personal experiences that led to me developing that kink. Were I to meet a man now that couldn't understand why playing with gendered violence is problematic and had not explored those issues, I couldn't feel safe playing with him.

My issue with CMNF is not one gender being naked, it is the fact somebody is enforcing a power dynamic dress code on a group that have traditionally lacked power. Suggest the dress code, by all means, but I can't support it being enforced. Incidentally, I wouldn't support an enforced CFNM dress code but that's because I don't think it supports people in feeling at ease and could lead to people not feeling welcome at events. Kink is meant to be inclusive and I don't think these kinds of dress codes support that.

My sickly head didn't explain that as well as I wanted but hopefully you know where I am coming from.

Obviously your feminist values don't conflict with you attending the event, and as long as you are comfortable that is all that really matters 😊

32

MondaySixteenth wrote:

mysteron wrote:

Can I ask a few more questions slightly off topic but relavent .Again just to give me an incite to these type of events.

Where are these typically held. Becasue of their nature unlike my Butler Auction , I would imagine a pub room is clearly out !

So I am deducing then that you hire a full club of the X rated type . Private dungeon or possible an individulas house if its big enough.

Does one tend to arrive wearing an outfit say underneath a coat or does one like say going to the gym get changed on the premises ?

There are "vanilla" events (no play, normal clothing) which take place in pubs. It's there that you get to meet people though and get to know the community and the events that are held.

The club which I attend (same applies to many clubs I know of) is held in a swingers club but on a non-swinging night meaning that there is no sex of any kind permitted. The organisers of events usually own or hire this environment, which will have a social area where no play occurs, play rooms, which can be beds or full dungeons, and changing areas.

Some people organise parties at their house but those are usually just friends only or professional dommes. I usually wear something like a maxi dress (so that I can cover my fishnets) and change into my kinky clothes once I'm in. There are lockers and a powder room so ladies can do their make up. My OH usually just wears a black shirt and trousers or jeans to events and so he just attends already dressed.

Many thanks. That really has helped and gives someone like me a little more background information on something perhaps I can't see us ever going that far into the Bdsm scene.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy yourself .x

33

Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

Say whaaaaaaat???? I just want to point out that although kinky dress codes are pretty much expected within the fetish scene, having a separate dress code for women is extremely jarring, worrying and EXTREEEEEMELY sexist. All my feminist alarm bells are ringing and screaming at the top of my brain-voice "this place needs to be shut doooooowwwwn!!"

On top of that, the fact they ENFORCE nudity makes me want to run a mile. Seems a bit dodgy if you ask me.

No venue or event (and I mean NO event) can or should enforce nudity. Even at naturism events and nudist festivals nudity isn't forced. Although nudity is sort of expected to make everyone comfortable, it's still up to the individual as to whether they decide to bare ALL or not. To have this enforcement focussed on just one gender makes my skin crawl.

If you want my advice, steer VERY clear of this event. Sounds dodgy AF.

What she said.
34

MondaySixteenth wrote:

Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

I have indeed been to several fetish and BDSM events and would never make "assumptions" on anything. (You know what happens when you ass-u-me!) Yes, I do understand that everyone has a different idea of what is acceptable within any given scene, and that gender stereotypes can be played on to enhance an erotic scenario. Having said this, to me, placing rules on people based on their gender IS wrong no matter the circumstances. Maybe this is just my feeling on the situation, and I fully understand that not everyone has the same opinon. This is why I said "if you want my advice"....

To me, the acceptable way to enforce a divided dress code rule would be to insist that all subs/sissy's go nude, as that is something the individual chooses to be. Enforcing a dress code based on gender (something which you probably didn't choose at any point in your life) isn't fair to me.

The way it was explained in the OP made all my heckles go up and my immediate reaction was that this seems highly unsavoury and not something I would promote. There was no mention in the OP of this being part of a theme or the set up of the evening - just that is was the dress code. Some elaboration here would have helped me get the right end of the stick.

For me, it was the line "getting into the BDSM scene" that made me worry for your safety and well-being. It sounded to me as though you're still new to this, and perhaps had not questioned the male/female "rules". Additionally, no matter what the scene, my instinct always opts on the side of equality so perhaps my "non-work Jess" brain spoke out before my "Lovehoney bondage expert" brain stepped in. It was out of concern for you though, so I hope I haven't caused offence.

It's clear now from your reply that you have thought it all through, and have considered the consequences / benefits of the different gender rules for this event. For me, personally, I would still be taking a very wide birth of this event as the gender split still makes my feel very uncomfortable, but then again, that's not my kink (and wouldn't it be boring if we all had the same tastes?!)

If you're happy and safe, then please feel free to ignore my comments. I was just offering in my 2 cents (even if it was rather SHOUTY! Sorry about that...)

To answer you're original Q though - have you thought about making an outfit from bondage tape? You could wrap yourself as you feel comfortable, covering/exposing as much as you like, and enjoy knowing that if the mood should take you later on in the evening, you can peel it off to reveal more, or show off your Birthday suit if you should desire.

Sorry for not addressing things more clearly and having a bit of a heated, SHOUTY reply also. Just didn't want to slate the event or orginisers or anything.

I should have been more clear that this event is a d/s m/f couples event hence the dress code. The only reason it's exclusively women nude at this event is because it's for couples of that dynamic but I was unclear before.

I appreciate your concern especially since I'm newish (lots of munches, 2 play events, one in post will be third) but I'm pretty switched on and, whilst I'm submissive in terms of the bedroom and my relationship, I take no shit and if somethings off then everyone knows about it right away. :P

I have bondage tape at home but have only used it as restraints thus far. If my partners willing to put the time in to learning it then I was considering a rope dress from one of the Knotty Boys books as, like the one in my profile pic, you can fashion it to accentuate your waist and lift boobs a bit. I've also looked at pics from events gone by and some nice knickers and stockings might make all the difference to my confidence. From previous commenters I think start the night with clothes, they can come off if I feel confident enough and end the night in my fleecy blanket and maxi dress (standard sub drop attire for me :P ). My OH is always happy to leave early if I need to as well and checks up on me throughout. We've been together 7 years and if I wanted to leave in the first 10 mins after paying entry he's fine :) I do appreciate your concern though (and advice!)

![heart|20x20](upload://4WyQT1gwKaQJNwhYxrKZ1rOPglF.gif "heart") Thanks for coming back to me. As we say at LH "You can never know enough about sex" so this has been an eye opening convo for me. Thank you!

It sounds like you have everything under control and you have a brilliant partner who's in tune.

Go forth, stay safe and most importantly, have fun!! 

35

Monday, I haven't been on these forums in 6 months but came back to say going by your avatar you are gorgeous and have nothing to fear. Seriously X

36

Update:

Just got home from the event. Started the night in black heels and these:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28117

but the knicks came off during a play session and didn't get put back on.

Had some fishnets and more reserved underwear in my bag if I needed them. Through the power of hair, make up and airbrush leg make up (google it) I ended up being pretty confident and really relaxed at the event.

Thanks for all the advice and discussion guys. Really helped me plan things out x

37

Ooh you little minx

Glad you had a great time and any reservations you had were unfounded .![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

38

mysteron wrote:

Ooh you little minx

Glad you had a great time and any reservations you had were unfounded .![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

Everyone was so welcoming and there was such a diverse range of sizes and ages that the worry of if all being size 6 young people really faded away. At the end I got a personalised candle as a little bravery trophey which is lovely. :)

Got some ideas for next time too as some ladies were wearing rope and one had a tail butt plug in so next time I might have my kadara on or my racoon tail I think x

39

Well you looked good in your rope costume in you previous avi picture. So yes if it was upto me ,I would choose that. ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

Again you could start covered up and reveal as you feel more confident.

40

Ive been to a few adult clubs in the past and after the first 5 minutes of nerves you will be fine,

but I have too agree with jess, they should never demand Nudity.

Is it run by men by anychance ;)

Even the adult club scene you can wear underwear or a towel at least :)