For the past few weeks i've found it almost impossible to "finish off" while having vaginal sex with my GF. We do alsorts of different things, oral, anal, mutual masturbation, toys and i seem to have no problem.
I love my GF very much, i find her very attractive and really enjoy our sex life.
First time it happened i put it down to being tired. Second time i was slightly concerned. Now i feel pressured everytime we have vaginal sex. She is blaming herself, she feels like she doesn't satisfy me.
I think maybe i have just become too kinky. Seriously, i think straight old vaginal sex is not enough anymore. Obviously, sometimes she just wants "normal" sex, but then we both end up feeling guilty, because i can't finish. A few days ago we did double penetration using a toy we bought from LH (the toy in her arse, me in her vagina) and i had no problems. So i can only think its psychological.
I can see this would be a relatively common.
Similar to how men who masturbate regularly find it difficult to finish with anything else.
Except this is, as you say, mostly psychological, instead of the physical desensitization that occurs in that scenario.
My advice would be to take it back a notch, make an effort to avoid the kinky stuff for some time and focus on the traditional. Don't think of the ending, think of the journey. Take your time and appreciate each other's bodies gently, sensually and don't think about how it ends.
It is easy to get so wrapped up in the exciting that we forget to have love for the simple things in life. But while the TV is there, it's difficult to find time to watch the birds up in the sky, you know?
Yes it's similar with my husband. But I wonder if it's linked to me too? I dunno what your gf is like but I struggle to orgasm with normal "vanilla" sex. Like most women, it's not abnormal. I wonder if my husband struggles to come if it seems like I'm not enjoying it? Does that make sense to you being a man? If I'm on top and we do dp with a toy, I enjoy it and orgasm powerfully, so does he. So maybe that's it?
i think you need to wind things back a bit. Concentrate on giving her pleasure. Abstain for a few days. Avoid masturbation. Kinky is great, but you need a good mix to keep everything fresh and exciting .
I think from what you wrote "i think straight old vaginal sex is not enough anymore." the word old in there might just say it all, your thinking to much with your brain while having sex and maybe told relaxing enough and letting go.
Relax sit back take a break from the kinky stuff and all the thinking and just enjoy the fun, That you can have and maybe you'll find it working out better for you.
I think from what you wrote "i think straight old vaginal sex is not enough anymore." the word old in there might just say it all, your thinking to much with your brain while having sex and maybe told relaxing enough and letting go.
Relax sit back take a break from the kinky stuff and all the thinking and just enjoy the fun, That you can have and maybe you'll find it working out better for you.
I find myself agreeing there; perhaps your efforts to spice things up - admirable as it is - has made you forget what a wonder for the senses the intimate act of love-making is. A relaxed atmosphere, with some close, skin-on-skin contact and tender kisses and caresses may help you clear your mind of the 'mechanics' of sex and just enjoy your OH in that moment.
That being said, what would you define as 'kinky'? It's a subjective term, I think. But in short, sex doesn't need to be kinky to be pleasurable.
We've been married for 25 yrs and I have been through this at least twice. Please don't worry. Keep communicating tell her how sexy she is and its not her but you. Somehow you got to stop blaming yourself , it's just normal. Concentrate on foreplay lavish your OH with a lot more attention orally and manually. If she wants intercourse concentrate on her pleasure first. Make a pact that if you do this you can come however you like. If your OH wants you to come in her I did it hard and fast doggystyle.
We put a lot of time into edging me so when we wanted to make vanilla love I was super horny, this has now evolved into something we enjoy all the time.